I don't want to spend all the good years of my life living exactly like a rat doing whatever gymnastics get me enough pellets (dollars) to survive. I'd rather

I don't want to spend all the good years of my life living exactly like a rat doing whatever gymnastics get me enough pellets (dollars) to survive. I'd rather say "fuck that" and do what I want. It's not a lack of money that would make me kill myself (and I don't drink alcohol, preferring drugs that enhance cognition). It's a lack of meaning. As long as I can write books, papers on ideas that interest me, or work on my patentable inventions, my life has meaning regardless of the money situation. But, if I'm spending my time worrying if I have tucked away my pellets as good as the neighbors, my life has no interest, and, at that point, why not get off the ride instead of spinning the wheel for no good reason?