5 ms·

Don't forget the cherry on top where the way they suggest to improve one's self is not a way that is relevant for getting dates or in the early stages of a rela

Don't forget the cherry on top where the way they suggest to improve one's self is not a way that is relevant for getting dates or in the early stages of a relationship. No matter who you want to "blame" for the underlying situation crap advice is still crap.

CocaKoala 4y ago
What's bad about the advice? It seems to flow pretty logically from the article. "Women want to date men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and who share values" means that your starting point to search for a relationship should be that you are emotionally available, good at communicating, and you have a clear concept of your values so that you can determine whether or not you share them with a potential partner. The advice to get to that state is "focus on mental health, including getting therapy if you need it" - that all seems correct to me. It's not relevant for getting dates, but getting dates is easy. It's extremely relevant for any stage of a relationship, including the early ones.
- rmellow 4y ago
  > getting dates is easy Citation needed. I'm sure many here will vehemently disagree.
  - CocaKoala 4y ago
    Ask your friend if they want to get lunch with you - problem solved. "That's not a date" Why not? "My friends are all in relationships" Make more friends.
    - coldtea 4y ago
      - "I'm from a poor country and my family can't afford to eat" - "Be more lucky"
      - CocaKoala 4y ago
        You are correct, the advice to achieve the third level of Maslow's Hierarchy does not address what you have to do in order to achieve the first two levels.
        coldtea 4y ago
        That was actually a parody of the third level advice given, just in lower level terms to highlight the absurdity...
        CocaKoala 4y ago
        The question was "how to get dates" - "how to get friends" is a different question. The easy way to get dates is to ask your friends on dates, and the easiest way to do that is to ask a friend to get lunch with you. What part of that reduces to "get lucky"?
        coldtea 4y ago
        First of all, that taken literally is just bad advice. You're friends with your friends, you don't ask them on dates. It basically translates to "try to get romantic with one of your friends [of your preferred sex]". Is that supposed to be how people get dates? So, I take it charitably that you meant "you ask people you know" (not your actual friends/buddies) on dates. Which is as good as saying "to get a job, just ask for one" to an unemployed person. To which the proper response is "Gee, why didn't I think of that..."
        CocaKoala 4y ago
        I disagree that it's bad advice - it can certainly be applied badly, but so can anything. You meet somebody, you become friends with them, you start dating them, you get married - that's an extremely natural arc. You shouldn't ask all your friends on dates (just like you shouldn't ask everybody you meet on a date) and you should be cognizant of hints that somebody isn't interested in dating you, but to say that somebody is EITHER a friend OR a romantic partner and there's no overlap between the two is strange to me. And this isn't the only way to get dates - dating apps certainly try and short-circuit the "be friends" part. But I've been friends with every girl I've dated before we started dating, including the woman I'm now married to. If you're not friends with somebody, even a little bit, why do you want to date them? edit: And of course, if you're going into friendships with the intention of trying to date the person, that might work out poorly. Meet somebody, be their friend, and if you're both open to something developing, it can happen. Asking them to have lunch is a way to start that.
FeaturelessBug 4y ago
Why do you hang your own self worth on getting a partner over bettering yourself as an individual and building relationships that don't center on romantic partnership?
- throwaway0a5e 4y ago
  Stop being dense. The author was offering up the tip as a way to improve one's dating prospects and even went so far as to imply the tip would specifically help with online dating. The tip was nothing of the sort and is specifically worse online than in person because the quality in question already doesn't show much until you're spending a lot of time together and shows less still through dating apps. IDK about your comment about self worth but you're the one who brought it up and it has a slight odor of projection. If you're average looks and average at text based communication getting first dates is not the bottleneck.

CocaKoala 4y ago

What's bad about the advice? It seems to flow pretty logically from the article. "Women want to date men who are emotionally available, good communicators, and who share values" means that your starting point to search for a relationship should be that you are emotionally available, good at communicating, and you have a clear concept of your values so that you can determine whether or not you share them with a potential partner. The advice to get to that state is "focus on mental health, including getting therapy if you need it" - that all seems correct to me. It's not relevant for getting dates, but getting dates is easy. It's extremely relevant for any stage of a relationship, including the early ones.

rmellow 4y ago
> getting dates is easy Citation needed. I'm sure many here will vehemently disagree.
- CocaKoala 4y ago
  Ask your friend if they want to get lunch with you - problem solved. "That's not a date" Why not? "My friends are all in relationships" Make more friends.
  - coldtea 4y ago
    - "I'm from a poor country and my family can't afford to eat" - "Be more lucky"
    - CocaKoala 4y ago
      You are correct, the advice to achieve the third level of Maslow's Hierarchy does not address what you have to do in order to achieve the first two levels.
      - coldtea 4y ago
        That was actually a parody of the third level advice given, just in lower level terms to highlight the absurdity...
        CocaKoala 4y ago
        The question was "how to get dates" - "how to get friends" is a different question. The easy way to get dates is to ask your friends on dates, and the easiest way to do that is to ask a friend to get lunch with you. What part of that reduces to "get lucky"?
        coldtea 4y ago
        First of all, that taken literally is just bad advice. You're friends with your friends, you don't ask them on dates. It basically translates to "try to get romantic with one of your friends [of your preferred sex]". Is that supposed to be how people get dates? So, I take it charitably that you meant "you ask people you know" (not your actual friends/buddies) on dates. Which is as good as saying "to get a job, just ask for one" to an unemployed person. To which the proper response is "Gee, why didn't I think of that..."
        CocaKoala 4y ago
        I disagree that it's bad advice - it can certainly be applied badly, but so can anything. You meet somebody, you become friends with them, you start dating them, you get married - that's an extremely natural arc. You shouldn't ask all your friends on dates (just like you shouldn't ask everybody you meet on a date) and you should be cognizant of hints that somebody isn't interested in dating you, but to say that somebody is EITHER a friend OR a romantic partner and there's no overlap between the two is strange to me. And this isn't the only way to get dates - dating apps certainly try and short-circuit the "be friends" part. But I've been friends with every girl I've dated before we started dating, including the woman I'm now married to. If you're not friends with somebody, even a little bit, why do you want to date them? edit: And of course, if you're going into friendships with the intention of trying to date the person, that might work out poorly. Meet somebody, be their friend, and if you're both open to something developing, it can happen. Asking them to have lunch is a way to start that.

FeaturelessBug 4y ago

Why do you hang your own self worth on getting a partner over bettering yourself as an individual and building relationships that don't center on romantic partnership?

throwaway0a5e 4y ago
Stop being dense. The author was offering up the tip as a way to improve one's dating prospects and even went so far as to imply the tip would specifically help with online dating. The tip was nothing of the sort and is specifically worse online than in person because the quality in question already doesn't show much until you're spending a lot of time together and shows less still through dating apps. IDK about your comment about self worth but you're the one who brought it up and it has a slight odor of projection. If you're average looks and average at text based communication getting first dates is not the bottleneck.