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it comes at a high cost, especially as you can end up spending so much effort on "friends" that you neglect to solve or even recognize your own problems. This
by stcredzero 4y ago
it comes at a high cost, especially as you can end up spending so much effort on "friends" that you neglect to solve or even recognize your own problems.
This is a valuable insight. At some point, even the closest to you are their own individuals. Short of saving their lives from imminent physical danger, at some point, one must leave others "to their fate."
I have come to realize recently that I don't actually have any friends, only dependents.
This is not either-or. There is a friend-dependent spectrum. Also, how you might evaluate this is strongly affected by your own personality. The closer you are to the "dark triad" in the space of personality traits, the more skewed your perceptions will be towards the "dependent" viewpoint.
- nickff 4y agoI'm not the author of the parent comment, but I think you may be taking the message too far. >"Short of saving their lives from imminent physical danger, at some point, one must leave others "to their fate."" I think it's good to help people who are going through challenging periods in their lives. The key to limiting one's efforts is that the problems need to be temporary ones, and the 'assistant' should take on a supporting role, not a leading one.
- stcredzero 4y agoThe key to limiting one's efforts is that the problems need to be temporary ones, and the 'assistant' should take on a supporting role, not a leading one. Sounds like we agree, actually. At a certain point, one must leave others "to their fate" good or bad. In certain matters, we can only help. It's up to them to actually do the work, if they can or if they will. In other words, it's not healthy to be committed to controlling that which one cannot control. Especially if it's another sentient being.