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Since we're being party poopers, it's worth noting that if your relationship fails it is, by definition, because you are unattractive to your partner. If that's

by User23 4y ago

Since we're being party poopers, it's worth noting that if your relationship fails it is, by definition, because you are unattractive to your partner. If that's the case, then yes attention from an unattractive person is a major turn-off. That's hardly a great revelation, but even so that kind of common sense appears to be sorely lacking amongst many persons.

philosopher1234 4y ago
I think your use of the word attractive is wrongheaded, but if I set that aside your logic is also self contradictory. Lack of attention can cause lack of attraction, and thus attention from an “unattractive” person can cause attraction.
- hndamien 4y ago
  I think they are using the term "attraction" explicitly as a force to draw them together. If they fell apart, it was due to a lack of attraction.It isn't so much attention from an "unattractive" person can cause attraction - this appears to be very rare, but you are sure to not be attracted to anybody that you give no attention. Best bet is to first change your attractivity to your target (may or may not be possible) and then change the attention.
em-bee 4y ago
attraction is created through interaction. but what attracts is different for every person, and if i am attracted to someone, i need to find out what makes me attractive to them. it's not just looks or first impressions. those help to get the foot in the door, but even an initially unattractive person can become attractive as you get to know them.
- em-bee 4y ago
  could the downvoters please explain why? i am really interested, do you not believe that getting to know someone can make them more attractive? do you not believe that it is possible to misjudge someone on their first impression? what else am i missing that makes you disagree with me?
  - Ruthalas 4y ago
    I didn't downvote, but its possible the "get a foot in the door" is coming across more coercive than you intended. It brings to mind pushy salesmen. I think your statement is fine, if the reader interprets your statement charitably, but it could be misread. Just a guess!
  - astura 4y ago
    You aren't wrong, the downvote are a defense mechanism. People can blame their inability to have a relationship on outside factors (age/genetic makeup) if physical attractiveness was set in stone and the most important thing. It's a worldview where they don't have to look at their personality or behavior critically, so its an incredibly appealing worldview to some.
    - em-bee 4y ago
      that's a good point, and sadly apps like tinder just reinforce that
csomar 4y ago
- em-bee 4y ago
  the parents comment just doesn't make any sense. if your partner is unattractive to you, then why did you choose them at all? there must have been some attraction at some point, and if that attraction got lost, it's only fair if they try to win you back. if you are not willing to let them do that and any further attention puts you off then you should break off that relationship right there. but while you are in a relationship, it is not common sense that they should accept that their attention may be off-putting.
  - csomar 4y ago
    > if your partner is unattractive to you, then why did you choose them at all? Convenience, society, no choice and still want to date/marry, money, visa, family, etc... I agree you need to work on your relation. But a poem everyday? I'll think something is seriously wrong with my partner if she spits a poem everyday for a month non-stop. I don't think I'll it that go for a year, though. I suspect OP partner was more than reasonable but he was bad at getting clues from other people.

by User23 4y ago

philosopher1234 4y ago

I think your use of the word attractive is wrongheaded, but if I set that aside your logic is also self contradictory. Lack of attention can cause lack of attraction, and thus attention from an “unattractive” person can cause attraction.

hndamien 4y ago
I think they are using the term "attraction" explicitly as a force to draw them together. If they fell apart, it was due to a lack of attraction.It isn't so much attention from an "unattractive" person can cause attraction - this appears to be very rare, but you are sure to not be attracted to anybody that you give no attention. Best bet is to first change your attractivity to your target (may or may not be possible) and then change the attention.

em-bee 4y ago

attraction is created through interaction. but what attracts is different for every person, and if i am attracted to someone, i need to find out what makes me attractive to them. it's not just looks or first impressions. those help to get the foot in the door, but even an initially unattractive person can become attractive as you get to know them.

em-bee 4y ago
could the downvoters please explain why? i am really interested, do you not believe that getting to know someone can make them more attractive? do you not believe that it is possible to misjudge someone on their first impression? what else am i missing that makes you disagree with me?
- Ruthalas 4y ago
  I didn't downvote, but its possible the "get a foot in the door" is coming across more coercive than you intended. It brings to mind pushy salesmen. I think your statement is fine, if the reader interprets your statement charitably, but it could be misread. Just a guess!
- astura 4y ago
  You aren't wrong, the downvote are a defense mechanism. People can blame their inability to have a relationship on outside factors (age/genetic makeup) if physical attractiveness was set in stone and the most important thing. It's a worldview where they don't have to look at their personality or behavior critically, so its an incredibly appealing worldview to some.
  - em-bee 4y ago
    that's a good point, and sadly apps like tinder just reinforce that

csomar 4y ago

em-bee 4y ago
the parents comment just doesn't make any sense. if your partner is unattractive to you, then why did you choose them at all? there must have been some attraction at some point, and if that attraction got lost, it's only fair if they try to win you back. if you are not willing to let them do that and any further attention puts you off then you should break off that relationship right there. but while you are in a relationship, it is not common sense that they should accept that their attention may be off-putting.
- csomar 4y ago
  > if your partner is unattractive to you, then why did you choose them at all? Convenience, society, no choice and still want to date/marry, money, visa, family, etc... I agree you need to work on your relation. But a poem everyday? I'll think something is seriously wrong with my partner if she spits a poem everyday for a month non-stop. I don't think I'll it that go for a year, though. I suspect OP partner was more than reasonable but he was bad at getting clues from other people.