4 ms·

Imagine needing daily gratitude to function?

slowmovintarget 4y ago
Imagine how expressing daily gratitude might change who you are. If you say things enough, you come to believe in them and act to make them true. Even if you wrote such notes every day, and never gave them to your partner, the act of writing them changes you. Perhaps, even, into a better partner.
- alexashka 4y ago
  Gratitude is only possible from a place of narcissism. Think about it.
  - anotheruser092 4y ago
    I don't get it. Would you be suggesting that truly selfless people don't like to be thanked? If so, I don't understand why that would be a good thing; there's nothing wrong to expect respect or basic appreciation for your help.
    - alexashka 4y ago
      We're using the word differently. In the context of this thread, gratitude stands for expressing what you appreciate about your relationship with another. Do you see the problem here? If you like a flower, do you feel the need to thank it? No, right? A flower does what flowers do. So what's different about this scenario? The difference is you're using expression of gratitude as a tactic to manipulate. If you're thinking, yeah, great idea, everyone manipulates, so what, you're a sociopath :) As for the way you're using the word gratitude, to mean 'thanks' - sure, social norms dictate acknowledging other human beings in various ways - that's not what this thread is about.
      - em-bee 4y ago
        If you like a flower, do you feel the need to thank it? No, right? A flower does what flowers do. So what's different about this scenario? The difference is you're using expression of gratitude as a tactic to manipulate. ugh, no, the difference is that your partner is a human being that can't read minds. if you expect them to know that you are grateful without expressing it then that may seriously hurt your relationship. i'd rather think that if you believe that everyone expressing gratitude is manipulative then that makes you the sociopath.
        deleted 4y ago
        [deleted]
      - someguydave 4y ago
        If you think of other humans in the same way as inanimate objects that provide you things I suspect you might be a sociopath.
      - anotheruser092 4y ago
        I heard about the flower metaphor before, so I actually hear what you're saying now. The last time I heard this metaphor was in the context of avoiding too much flattery or dependence on praise of others. So, a well-adjusted person does things because they want to, or a have a responsibility to, without relying too much on praise. I think this framing is useful for a person too reliant on others' opinions for happiness, but even within this framework, you can still feel happy when others appreciate you (while not reliant on the emotion). So, it's still a positive to give and receive gratitude, so long as both people have a stable sense of self and aren't reliant on gratitude for happiness.
        em-bee 4y ago
        that makes a lot more sense, but this is from the perspective of the receiver not depending on gratitude. parent poster however goes much further by rejecting gratitude as manipulative, which is a rather toxic attitude.
      - 4y ago
ephaeton 4y ago
Imagine how it feels to _receive_ daily gratitude for your part in the hamster wheel

Imagine how expressing daily gratitude might change who you are. If you say things enough, you come to believe in them and act to make them true. Even if you wrote such notes every day, and never gave them to your partner, the act of writing them changes you. Perhaps, even, into a better partner.

alexashka 4y ago
Gratitude is only possible from a place of narcissism. Think about it.
- anotheruser092 4y ago
  I don't get it. Would you be suggesting that truly selfless people don't like to be thanked? If so, I don't understand why that would be a good thing; there's nothing wrong to expect respect or basic appreciation for your help.
  - alexashka 4y ago
    We're using the word differently. In the context of this thread, gratitude stands for expressing what you appreciate about your relationship with another. Do you see the problem here? If you like a flower, do you feel the need to thank it? No, right? A flower does what flowers do. So what's different about this scenario? The difference is you're using expression of gratitude as a tactic to manipulate. If you're thinking, yeah, great idea, everyone manipulates, so what, you're a sociopath :) As for the way you're using the word gratitude, to mean 'thanks' - sure, social norms dictate acknowledging other human beings in various ways - that's not what this thread is about.
    - em-bee 4y ago
      If you like a flower, do you feel the need to thank it? No, right? A flower does what flowers do. So what's different about this scenario? The difference is you're using expression of gratitude as a tactic to manipulate. ugh, no, the difference is that your partner is a human being that can't read minds. if you expect them to know that you are grateful without expressing it then that may seriously hurt your relationship. i'd rather think that if you believe that everyone expressing gratitude is manipulative then that makes you the sociopath.
      - deleted 4y ago
        [deleted]
    - someguydave 4y ago
      If you think of other humans in the same way as inanimate objects that provide you things I suspect you might be a sociopath.
    - anotheruser092 4y ago
      I heard about the flower metaphor before, so I actually hear what you're saying now. The last time I heard this metaphor was in the context of avoiding too much flattery or dependence on praise of others. So, a well-adjusted person does things because they want to, or a have a responsibility to, without relying too much on praise. I think this framing is useful for a person too reliant on others' opinions for happiness, but even within this framework, you can still feel happy when others appreciate you (while not reliant on the emotion). So, it's still a positive to give and receive gratitude, so long as both people have a stable sense of self and aren't reliant on gratitude for happiness.
      - em-bee 4y ago
        that makes a lot more sense, but this is from the perspective of the receiver not depending on gratitude. parent poster however goes much further by rejecting gratitude as manipulative, which is a rather toxic attitude.
    - 4y ago

ephaeton 4y ago

Imagine how it feels to _receive_ daily gratitude for your part in the hamster wheel