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I couldn't help but do the same thing when I was reading the article, in the opposite direction: "wait - you had a wife and you were poor?" When I was young an

I couldn't help but do the same thing when I was reading the article, in the opposite direction: "wait - you had a wife and you were poor?" When I was young and my income was low or nonexistent, it seemed like women could smell the poverty on me and I couldn't even get close to them. It was like trying to sneak up on a grazing gazelle - they'd hear me coming and just sprint to a safe distance. The more money I made, the closer I could get until I finally made enough money that they stayed close enough to talk to. Even now, married 20 years, the author talks about the burden on his wife and kids if he went back to being poor - I'm sure my wife would just leave if I was genuinely stuck in a poverty cycle with no way of getting out, and I wouldn't really blame her.

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lscdlscd 4y ago
That's a very sad way to view the world and people.
- hallway_monitor 4y ago
  Why would it be sad? Women are attracted to security and success. Men are attracted to good genetics expressed physically.
  - the_only_law 4y ago
    Since we're tossing random anecdotes, everyone I know in a happy relationship makes less than me. I'm suppose if I was properly rich and flaunted it, certain women would suddenly be interested, but no person I'd marry.
  - giraffe_lady 4y ago
    Women may, overall, tend to have a different relationship to security and success than men tend to. Simplifying it to "they are attracted to those things" doesn't align with my experiences though. This worldview is limiting, even insulting, to both men and women though and you should try not having it.
  - jelliclesfarm 4y ago
    Women are attracted to stability. You can be a stable and trustworthy poor guy and be attractive to women. Women find unstable psycho rich guys hideously unattractive.
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- rayiner 4y ago
  I don’t really understand what’s sad about it. I’m from Bangladesh, where nearly all marriages are still facilitated by family members. When a profile for a man comes in, do you think the aunties are looking at the guy’s hobbies and tastes in music? Of course they’re judging men based on education and earning potential. Why wouldn’t they? It’s completely rational for women to place a high value on men’s income. The vast majority of people want kids someday. From the perspective of women, that means they need to either find a man with a good job that can support a family, find one who truly can take on half the caregiving and half the bread winning, or can truly take over the domestic role. The number of men who, if they’re not out earning money, can instead have the kids bathed, homework done, and dinner on the table for when the woman gets home from work are vanishingly small. Great stay at home dads exist, but they’re unicorns. Statistically, they are vastly outnumbered by the number of guys who leave the mother of their children to do both the bread winning and caregiving. Thus as a purely rational matter, it makes complete sense for women to seek out men who can at least fulfill the traditional male gender role.
Feritioyyyyy 4y ago
Oh boy... My wife wouldn't and no woman in a relationship I know would care about this either. Love is not based on income. That sounds tremendous depressing. A partnership is teamwork not two doing different things.
- samhw 4y ago
  So what if it’s tremendous[ly] depressing? It’s depressing that basically no animal dies of old age in the wild. It’s still the reality. Your comment doesn’t really seem to be trying to substantiate your claim, so much as it’s trying to paint a picture of how depressing his description of reality is. From that, I’m pretty confident you’re trying to define some ideal definition of love – which, if he’s correct, would not be ‘wrong’ but would simply not be common in the real world – while he’s trying to factually describe the motivations for human relationships in the real world. (I’m not sure I quite agree with his gloomy picture, but I don’t think you are even coming at it with the same intent.)
  - Feritioyyyyy 4y ago
    He describes his mental image and his current relationship in a way which says 'if I'm poor my wife would leave me'. In my relationship and in my marriage it's not me who is poor it's us. Or it's us who have money. And neither of us would leave each other because of money. And the sentiment his comment convays is at least also not reflected in relationships around me.

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lscdlscd 4y ago

That's a very sad way to view the world and people.

hallway_monitor 4y ago
Why would it be sad? Women are attracted to security and success. Men are attracted to good genetics expressed physically.
- the_only_law 4y ago
  Since we're tossing random anecdotes, everyone I know in a happy relationship makes less than me. I'm suppose if I was properly rich and flaunted it, certain women would suddenly be interested, but no person I'd marry.
- giraffe_lady 4y ago
  Women may, overall, tend to have a different relationship to security and success than men tend to. Simplifying it to "they are attracted to those things" doesn't align with my experiences though. This worldview is limiting, even insulting, to both men and women though and you should try not having it.
- jelliclesfarm 4y ago
  Women are attracted to stability. You can be a stable and trustworthy poor guy and be attractive to women. Women find unstable psycho rich guys hideously unattractive.
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rayiner 4y ago
I don’t really understand what’s sad about it. I’m from Bangladesh, where nearly all marriages are still facilitated by family members. When a profile for a man comes in, do you think the aunties are looking at the guy’s hobbies and tastes in music? Of course they’re judging men based on education and earning potential. Why wouldn’t they? It’s completely rational for women to place a high value on men’s income. The vast majority of people want kids someday. From the perspective of women, that means they need to either find a man with a good job that can support a family, find one who truly can take on half the caregiving and half the bread winning, or can truly take over the domestic role. The number of men who, if they’re not out earning money, can instead have the kids bathed, homework done, and dinner on the table for when the woman gets home from work are vanishingly small. Great stay at home dads exist, but they’re unicorns. Statistically, they are vastly outnumbered by the number of guys who leave the mother of their children to do both the bread winning and caregiving. Thus as a purely rational matter, it makes complete sense for women to seek out men who can at least fulfill the traditional male gender role.

Feritioyyyyy 4y ago

Oh boy... My wife wouldn't and no woman in a relationship I know would care about this either. Love is not based on income. That sounds tremendous depressing. A partnership is teamwork not two doing different things.

samhw 4y ago
So what if it’s tremendous[ly] depressing? It’s depressing that basically no animal dies of old age in the wild. It’s still the reality. Your comment doesn’t really seem to be trying to substantiate your claim, so much as it’s trying to paint a picture of how depressing his description of reality is. From that, I’m pretty confident you’re trying to define some ideal definition of love – which, if he’s correct, would not be ‘wrong’ but would simply not be common in the real world – while he’s trying to factually describe the motivations for human relationships in the real world. (I’m not sure I quite agree with his gloomy picture, but I don’t think you are even coming at it with the same intent.)
- Feritioyyyyy 4y ago
  He describes his mental image and his current relationship in a way which says 'if I'm poor my wife would leave me'. In my relationship and in my marriage it's not me who is poor it's us. Or it's us who have money. And neither of us would leave each other because of money. And the sentiment his comment convays is at least also not reflected in relationships around me.