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I never had a reason to call people ugly behind their backs. Calling Romani Romani not a word they don't like isn't dishonest, strange, or rude. I don't know an

I never had a reason to call people ugly behind their backs. Calling Romani Romani not a word they don't like isn't dishonest, strange, or rude. I don't know anything about the birth genitals of most people I dine with.

atq2119 4y ago
> I don't know anything about the birth genitals of most people I dine with. Unless you mostly participate in statistically unusual social circles, that's plain incorrect. The truth is that you can't know anything about their birth genitals with certainty. However, unless you have some unusual condition that prevents you from perceiving sex-associated characteristics, then if somebody looks male/female to you, you know with very high confidence what their birth genitals were. One can quibble about the exact level of confidence, and it depends on what social circles you self-select into (because that affects your base rates), but for most people the certainty is fairly close to 100%. Of course that may not be the lived experience of people who are trans themselves, because of who they associate with, and that may contribute to some of the unnecessary vitriol on the topic In any case, what matters is what you do with that knowledge.
- mrguyorama 4y ago
  A frat buddy of mine was a trans man. I would have never known if old fart assholes hadn't pitched a fit about him being elected our chapter president.
throwaway290 4y ago
Regarding calling Romani Romani, this can be a touchy subject, just as a heads-up. For years being asked where I'm from or being referred to as Russian, even without me present (e.g., I overheard or inferred people discussed this), made me uncomfortable. It's fading recently only because of the war and the overt hatred directed at me by nationality online making me more confrontational about it. I observe this happening with some people of other nationalities too, depending on individual personality. (It doesn't tend to happen with people from 'global north', of course, who tend to lack any confidence issues on this front.)
- mlyle 4y ago
  I'm sorry that you've had to face prejudice. But hopefully a whole lot of discussion about your origin is more about idle curiosity than judgment. (And if you don't really want to talk about it, that's understandable and fine, too). There's nothing wrong with being Russian. (Supporting Russia's position in the war, whether you're Russian or not, though... someone can have a problem with that). We're all enriched when we share the best parts of our backgrounds and upbringings with each other.
  - throwaway290 4y ago
    Thanks for warm words. I can't imagine sharing Russian government's position on this war (whatever they call it), and I'm ashamed I hadn't caught on and started working towards another citizenship earlier as it's been happening since 2014 really. Honestly, the most awkward IRL nationality-related interactions for me now is when non-Russians express support for whatever Russian government does. Feels like they'd expect me to be pleased but I have to reject sympathy on those grounds. (That said, to reiterate my on-topic point, the discomfort I used to feel when nationality was discussed went on for years before this all started/before I was aware that this was going on, and was not tied to specific government's actions.)

atq2119 4y ago

> I don't know anything about the birth genitals of most people I dine with. Unless you mostly participate in statistically unusual social circles, that's plain incorrect. The truth is that you can't know anything about their birth genitals with certainty. However, unless you have some unusual condition that prevents you from perceiving sex-associated characteristics, then if somebody looks male/female to you, you know with very high confidence what their birth genitals were. One can quibble about the exact level of confidence, and it depends on what social circles you self-select into (because that affects your base rates), but for most people the certainty is fairly close to 100%. Of course that may not be the lived experience of people who are trans themselves, because of who they associate with, and that may contribute to some of the unnecessary vitriol on the topic In any case, what matters is what you do with that knowledge.

mrguyorama 4y ago
A frat buddy of mine was a trans man. I would have never known if old fart assholes hadn't pitched a fit about him being elected our chapter president.

throwaway290 4y ago

Regarding calling Romani Romani, this can be a touchy subject, just as a heads-up. For years being asked where I'm from or being referred to as Russian, even without me present (e.g., I overheard or inferred people discussed this), made me uncomfortable. It's fading recently only because of the war and the overt hatred directed at me by nationality online making me more confrontational about it. I observe this happening with some people of other nationalities too, depending on individual personality. (It doesn't tend to happen with people from 'global north', of course, who tend to lack any confidence issues on this front.)

mlyle 4y ago
I'm sorry that you've had to face prejudice. But hopefully a whole lot of discussion about your origin is more about idle curiosity than judgment. (And if you don't really want to talk about it, that's understandable and fine, too). There's nothing wrong with being Russian. (Supporting Russia's position in the war, whether you're Russian or not, though... someone can have a problem with that). We're all enriched when we share the best parts of our backgrounds and upbringings with each other.
- throwaway290 4y ago
  Thanks for warm words. I can't imagine sharing Russian government's position on this war (whatever they call it), and I'm ashamed I hadn't caught on and started working towards another citizenship earlier as it's been happening since 2014 really. Honestly, the most awkward IRL nationality-related interactions for me now is when non-Russians express support for whatever Russian government does. Feels like they'd expect me to be pleased but I have to reject sympathy on those grounds. (That said, to reiterate my on-topic point, the discomfort I used to feel when nationality was discussed went on for years before this all started/before I was aware that this was going on, and was not tied to specific government's actions.)