4 ms·

I am glad that your story worked out as it did. For others who might be coming across it, let me provide my story, which pans out very differently. I was rece

by bmer 4y ago

I am glad that your story worked out as it did. For others who might be coming across it, let me provide my story, which pans out very differently. I was recently diagnosed with CPTSD (but it took a long time for doctors to reach that conclusion), although the anxiety was known for a long time. Here's how it began: I was close to the end of a prestigious university program (3 years done out of 4) when I "snapped". I suddenly ran out of energy. I could no longer bring myself to care to go to class, and I found great comfort in running away from things. This was the beginning of what would eventually become deeply ingrained avoidant behaviour. My ambition no longer matched up with the energy I had in my body. It no longer matched up with my ability to tolerate things. I could no longer live up to my ambitions, my dreams, my desires, my goals. I broke, and I was suicidal for a long time (on and off for 10 years). I am slowly working my way out of my issues now. I am learning how to deal with deep seated anxiety as a way to give me more energy so that I can achieve my goals. One of my doctors mentioned something crucial: anxiety saps energy. Having an overactive amygdala is harmful, because when you are having a panic attack, your body floods with energy (in order to execute "fight or flight"), but very briefly. The cost of this flood of energy is a massive drop in energy that lasts longer than the flood did. This is a possible explantion (amongst others) behind my perpetual low energy. For me, part of the process of dealing with anxiety (amongst others, like mindfulness and self-kindness) is learning how to achieve my ambitions by making realistic goals, and learning how to feel pleasure in "small", consistent achievements (the depressed brain is excellent at making every achievement seem worthless). Feeling pleasure in these small achievements is important in order to fuel the necessary consistency of said achievements. tl;dr: in my experience, anxiety is unlikely to be a driver of achievement, and therefore unlikely to be a cause of productive ambition.

haswell 4y ago
Thanks for sharing your story as well. I mentioned my version of this in a sibling comment, and seem to have experienced some aspects of both experiences, but it took longer for me to snap. Recovery has been gradual, and I have much work to do, but one thing that I’ve found really helpful is directly examining what it means to be conscious. “Waking up” by Sam Harris was the start of a rabbit hole for me. This exploration gave me tools to reframe certain experiences as “the contents of consciousness” and helped me start to step outside outside of myself for the first time in my life. It’s no silver bullet, and YMMV, but I’ve found it incredibly helpful.
projectazorian 4y ago
> tl;dr: in my experience, anxiety is unlikely to be a driver of achievement, and therefore unlikely to be a cause of productive ambition. Agreed - the article reminds me a lot of the internet discourse around autism. That community is often dominated by successful, high functioning people with Asperger's/ASD who portray the condition as a fun, often beneficial personality quirk. This crowds out the voices of people who are less functional, and their caregivers. Classic instance of survivorship bias.
rrishi 4y ago
> For me, part of the process of dealing with anxiety (amongst others, like mindfulness and self-kindness) is learning how to achieve my ambitions by making realistic goals, and learning how to feel pleasure in "small", consistent achievements (the depressed brain is excellent at making every achievement seem worthless). Feeling pleasure in these small achievements is important in order to fuel the necessary consistency of said achievements. I try to stick to this strategy. Often times though, like when I watch an interview of a young(ish) founder of a company or read about a Fields medal winner on Quanta magazine, a cycle of self-pity mixed with self-hate and a strong feeling of worthlessness begins. I begin to day-dream of life trajectories when I wasn't drowned in trauma and was actually able to achieve my potential. Then it becomes harder to get back to focusing on my smaller objectives as they start to feel mundane. I realize on an intellectual level that these smaller objectives are what will help me in the long run but on an emotional level I feel worthless and leading an inconsequential life. However, I do thank you for writing up your experience. I feel it will help me re-enforce my strategy and not get caught up in the webs of emotional abuse my inner critic.

by bmer 4y ago

haswell 4y ago

Thanks for sharing your story as well. I mentioned my version of this in a sibling comment, and seem to have experienced some aspects of both experiences, but it took longer for me to snap. Recovery has been gradual, and I have much work to do, but one thing that I’ve found really helpful is directly examining what it means to be conscious. “Waking up” by Sam Harris was the start of a rabbit hole for me. This exploration gave me tools to reframe certain experiences as “the contents of consciousness” and helped me start to step outside outside of myself for the first time in my life. It’s no silver bullet, and YMMV, but I’ve found it incredibly helpful.

projectazorian 4y ago

> tl;dr: in my experience, anxiety is unlikely to be a driver of achievement, and therefore unlikely to be a cause of productive ambition. Agreed - the article reminds me a lot of the internet discourse around autism. That community is often dominated by successful, high functioning people with Asperger's/ASD who portray the condition as a fun, often beneficial personality quirk. This crowds out the voices of people who are less functional, and their caregivers. Classic instance of survivorship bias.

rrishi 4y ago

> For me, part of the process of dealing with anxiety (amongst others, like mindfulness and self-kindness) is learning how to achieve my ambitions by making realistic goals, and learning how to feel pleasure in "small", consistent achievements (the depressed brain is excellent at making every achievement seem worthless). Feeling pleasure in these small achievements is important in order to fuel the necessary consistency of said achievements. I try to stick to this strategy. Often times though, like when I watch an interview of a young(ish) founder of a company or read about a Fields medal winner on Quanta magazine, a cycle of self-pity mixed with self-hate and a strong feeling of worthlessness begins. I begin to day-dream of life trajectories when I wasn't drowned in trauma and was actually able to achieve my potential. Then it becomes harder to get back to focusing on my smaller objectives as they start to feel mundane. I realize on an intellectual level that these smaller objectives are what will help me in the long run but on an emotional level I feel worthless and leading an inconsequential life. However, I do thank you for writing up your experience. I feel it will help me re-enforce my strategy and not get caught up in the webs of emotional abuse my inner critic.