11 ms·

I have a similar story, and I'm a bit further along in my career. - CPTSD [X] - Ongoing struggles with depression [X] - Many manifestations of deep anxiety t

I have a similar story, and I'm a bit further along in my career. - CPTSD [X] - Ongoing struggles with depression [X] - Many manifestations of deep anxiety that permeate my daily life [X] - Unstoppable drive to get myself out of my situation [X] - Self taught developer and later product manager making SV salary [X] - Still feeling that drive to be more successful? [ ] I'm in my mid 30s now, and 3 months into a self-funded sabbatical due to severe burnout. I do think my upbringing helped fuel my professional success, but at least for me, it was not sustainable. I'm now exploring philosophy and consciousness as a way to change myself, since external things stopped working eventually. Obviously I'm just a single anecdote, but if there's one thing I'd tell my younger self it'd be to face my demons head-on sooner, and be careful about relying too much on work as a way to channel my anxiety. The transition to nothingness in my sabbatical was rough at first, but has also been transformative. I do wonder if someone giving me advice sooner would have helped me avoid the burnout, or if I just had to experience it to really understand.

skinnymuch 4y ago
I’m very similar situations as all of you. However I’m farther behind. The drive to get out of this situation. This drive growing more and more only began in my mid 30s. I’m still looking for my first career dev job while grinding out leetcode. Your advice to your younger self is spot on. I still have to tell myself that sometimes as I’m not out of the woods yet. Then posts like this give me a second of pure self pity like I’m too far behind (I know I’m not). Thanks for your post.
garrickvanburen 4y ago
I relate to lots here - especially the unsustainable part.
madaxe_again 4y ago
I’m a few years down the curve, pushing 40, abusive and itinerant childhood surrounded by high status peers, launched into adulthood with a boatload of responsibilities thrust upon me, and scrambled my way up everything that looked like a ladder. I did my sabbatical six years ago. I didn’t go back. My business, ten years, but enough was enough, it was hollowing me out, and I’d inadvertently created a machine where I could infinitely relive my childhood traumas. It was when I pulverised a telephone at my desk that I realised I was probably done. I was fortunate enough to cash out with enough to set myself up to put my feet up until the end of civilisation. I am only now, after six years of… well, different stressors, but at least not ones which just pushed me deeper into a hole… beginning to find some kind of inner peace. Turns out I’ve not known it since infancy. Turns out I’m actually happy being a nobody in the forest. Actually happy. Nobody ever had any advice for me - it was always up to me to advise others, even when I was drowning - until I finally bit the bullet and started therapy last year. It’s really helped.

skinnymuch 4y ago

I’m very similar situations as all of you. However I’m farther behind. The drive to get out of this situation. This drive growing more and more only began in my mid 30s. I’m still looking for my first career dev job while grinding out leetcode. Your advice to your younger self is spot on. I still have to tell myself that sometimes as I’m not out of the woods yet. Then posts like this give me a second of pure self pity like I’m too far behind (I know I’m not). Thanks for your post.

garrickvanburen 4y ago

I relate to lots here - especially the unsustainable part.

madaxe_again 4y ago

I’m a few years down the curve, pushing 40, abusive and itinerant childhood surrounded by high status peers, launched into adulthood with a boatload of responsibilities thrust upon me, and scrambled my way up everything that looked like a ladder. I did my sabbatical six years ago. I didn’t go back. My business, ten years, but enough was enough, it was hollowing me out, and I’d inadvertently created a machine where I could infinitely relive my childhood traumas. It was when I pulverised a telephone at my desk that I realised I was probably done. I was fortunate enough to cash out with enough to set myself up to put my feet up until the end of civilisation. I am only now, after six years of… well, different stressors, but at least not ones which just pushed me deeper into a hole… beginning to find some kind of inner peace. Turns out I’ve not known it since infancy. Turns out I’m actually happy being a nobody in the forest. Actually happy. Nobody ever had any advice for me - it was always up to me to advise others, even when I was drowning - until I finally bit the bullet and started therapy last year. It’s really helped.