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Your writing is excellent. The grammar is almost flawless (see below). Beyond that, I enjoyed your writing style as well -- strong opening, thoughtful variation
by q7xvh97o2pDhNrh 4y ago
Your writing is excellent. The grammar is almost flawless (see below). Beyond that, I enjoyed your writing style as well -- strong opening, thoughtful variations in paragraph length and sentence structure, and generally concise and focused.
If you are interested in some small feedback to improve a little more: the final three sentences in the article were the only ones where I saw something that could be improved.
> I have already argued in the past that I prefer this iPhone model over any newer one, Face ID capable.
I'm pretty sure this is grammatically correct as-is. (English is funny like that...) Having said that, the more natural-sounding way for a native-speaker would be to lose the appositive and avoid trying to turn "Face ID" into an adjective. So it would be something like: "I have already argued in the past that I prefer this iPhone model over any newer one with Face ID."
> It is perhaps the closest to a perfect gadget I have ever used — no wonder, it is the third “same” device I buy in seven years (before, the iPhone 6S in 2015 and the iPhone 8 in 2017).
I'm pretty sure the verb tenses are technically correct, but the last bit is not how a native speaker would write it, and there's an extraneous comma. Instead of saying 'no wonder, it is the the third "same" device I buy in seven years,' a more native-speaker way of writing it would be: 'no wonder it's the third "same" device I've bought in seven years.'
(EDIT: I was thinking about this a little more because something about the sequence of words "third same device" still didn't sound quite natural. Iterating, I think it could sound even more natural like: 'no wonder I've bought the "same" device three times over the last seven years.')
> If, despite all the rumors, in five years there is a “5th generation iPhone SE” with this same look, but updated internals, it will most likely be my next phone.
This sentence is solid and native-sounding as-is. A professional editor, though, might object to the overwhelming number of commas (even though all the commas are grammatically correct!). They might suggest eliminating some of the repetitive clauses and moving things around a bit to make the sentence flow more smoothly. The end result might be something like this: 'If, despite all the rumors, there's a "5th generation iPhone SE" in five years with the same look and another round of updated internals, it will most likely be my next phone.'
I hope that's all helpful and not too nitpicky. Like I said, your writing is fantastic as it is! I'm looking forward to reading more.
- stripline 4y agoGreat reply. I agree that the writing in the post is excellent. While we're giving constructive feedback I'd add this sentence: > I cover tech here in Brazil for +10 years and run a +9 years old independent, It should be past tense "I've covered", and in English we do everything backwards so 10+ and 9+ are more natural. So I'd change that to: I've covered tech here in Brazil for 10+ years and run a 9+ years old independent,
- alister 4y ago> no wonder, it is the third “same” device I buy in seven years > no wonder it's the third "same" device I've bought in seven years > no wonder I've bought the "same" device three times over the last seven years I liked your critique a lot: showing progressively better sentences and explaining why each is better. As a native English speaker learning Brazilian Portuguese, I have the inverse problem of the OP. I'd like to find a book or app that does more or less what you did —— start with a moderately difficult sentence in Portuguese the way an English speaker might say it, then progressively improve it while explaining the reasoning along the way. Maybe such a thing exists for people learning English; I can confidently say that there is an order of magnitude more resources for people going from Portuguese to English than the other way around.
- rpgbr 4y agoOh, good luck with that! You've probably heard this, but Portuguese grammar is super hard. Except for teachers, enthusiasts, and academics, I guess nobody here really knows, let alone explain most of our grammar rules. Speaking for myself, as a journalist who've written for major outlets in Brazil, I get away with writing (mostly) correctly based on feeling (reading a lot also helps a lot!).
- rpgbr 4y agoThat's a great feedback! Thanks for it, I'll edit the post :)