Trouble is, shame is not a decision, its an emotion. While one definitely can adjust ones emotional responses, it requires a lot of time and effort, and cannot

Trouble is, shame is not a decision, its an emotion. While one definitely can adjust ones emotional responses, it requires a lot of time and effort, and cannot be rushed too much. Whenever I feel “shame” I can ignore it and perform the action anyway, but at least for me that incurs a cost - the feeling of said shame can intensify. Even if I know that it was totally justified and there’s nothing I _should_ be ashamed for - I can’t directly control my emotions. This leads to my “rationing” of shame, where I pick my battles to make sure the outcomes are mostly good - where I feel the shame feeling was not justified. Overtime that can extend the range. Alternatively I can “exert” myself - forcing me to perform a lot of shameful actions in succession, which can _easily_ lead to “burnout” where I don’t want to do any other action other than joy seeking and relaxation for a while. A cute but still relevant example: I was urged and I went to a dance congress for a dance I was just a beginner of. Now I am generally an experienced dancer, just not that dance in particular. It took me a lot of mental effort to ask partners for a dance since I know I’m much less skilled than most and I felt a bit of shame every time. Now logically this is weird, since most dancers would prefer dancing with a beginner, rather than not dancing at all (I’m doing the leading part of the dance so I’m expected to ask followers to the dance-floor). Some would actually enjoy dancing with a shy guy and showing him the ropes. Buuut I still felt shame and each time I asked someone it became harder and harder. Two days into the event I just couldn’t force myself to do it and had to bail early. A more shameless person would have stayed and danced and learned a lot, and thats rational. But we are emotional creatures and need to take that into account, when making rational decisions too. So I try to be shameless when possible, but keep some “shamelessness” in reserve for when I really need it.