The biggest, most helpful shift in perspective that ever happened to me was this: external circumstances are generally downstream from your inner life, rather t

The biggest, most helpful shift in perspective that ever happened to me was this: external circumstances are generally downstream from your inner life, rather than upstream. You don't feel crappy and unmotivated because of how work/productivity/side projects are going. Rather, the state of your professional life is a reflection of your psyche at this point in time. As a result, I wouldn't overthink the details of work/side game etc. right now. You need to understand and treat the underlying psychological problem that's making it hard to function. None of us can really speculate about that, so I'd recommend finding a therapist and/or psychiatrist you feel you can trust. Start thinking about what's happening to you in terms of symptoms and feelings, rather than to do lists and motivation. This is not something you're doing because you're weak or lazy, it's something that's happening to you, either because of your early life or because of your brain. The more pressure you put on yourself to "get out of a rut" through determination or reconfiguring your professional life, the deeper the rut will get. Good luck! I hope you get the care you need soon, and that you can feel better. Once you do, the rest of life will sort itself out with no trouble.