3 ms·

As someone who did have a cat in one of my online dating pictures, I can believe that both: a) having a cat picture decreases the number of matches, especially

by mrwh 4y ago

As someone who did have a cat in one of my online dating pictures, I can believe that both: a) having a cat picture decreases the number of matches, especially against having a dog picture; but also that b) it increases the likelihood of hitting it off with those matches that do come. Which is a net positive.

runnerup 4y ago
Yeah when it comes to dating, whether online or IRL, I think standing out (in a way that’s true to yourself)is generally a higher “return” for the same effort vs “standing above”. Getting a Mohawk may decrease your potential dating pool by a lot, but also the few who see that as a symbol of compatibility will be far more likely to push harder to get a relationship with you. Whereas competing to be the most classically eligible bachelor wins you the most dates if you can be in the rarefied percentiles…but there’s a lot of competition. And within the population of single men and single women, it does tend to be a “winners-take-most” situation. I think the real “social crime” though is people pretending to be who they are not in order to score dates. Then even if you get in a relationship it’s usually not what either party actually wanted. Somewhat similar advice for jobs, actually. (In terms of being true to yourself as much as possible to find a good employer match). Obviously with jobs you just need money sometimes and have to shove yourself through a square hole. Whereas few people actually need sex/dates. Sometimes it sure feels like it, and human companionship has huge effects on physical and mental well-being (good or bad). Yes, I’m sure it’s saved more than a few people from suicide or poor decisions. But there’s no way to categorize this as a need unless we invent a way to fulfill it, all of which previously have been inhumane. Maybe AI/robotic companionship will allow new options.
- yieldcrv 4y ago
  I definitely go for polarizing over general appeal. I’m also generally not looking for a relationship. So there are also winner takes mosts in the fringes as well.
sgjohnson 4y ago
> Which is a net positive. That would entirely depend on what you’re looking for. Not everyone one dating sites is looking for a long-term romantic partner.
- mrwh 4y ago
  True, and of course I'm speaking for myself here.
quitit 4y ago
Some people seem to have a strong dislike of cats, so posing with one would lend to providing a filtering effect (i.e. Just as you describe: more rejections, but the passes are better matched.) That said I don't really buy into studying these kinds of perceptions beyond the obvious conclusions because attraction is too subjective to be studied with such simple toggles. To study it this way has the naivety of a reddit thread "LADIES WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT MAKES YOU INSTANTLY ATTRACTED TO A MAN". Attraction is more than a sum of the individual parts, and the success of a relationship [interpreted as longevity] has been shown to not rely so much on choosing the perfect partner, but rather how you treat them once you have them.1 1. https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/29/us/what-makes-a-relationship-successful-study-wellness-trnd/index.html https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/29/us/what-makes-a-relations...
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]

by mrwh 4y ago

runnerup 4y ago

Yeah when it comes to dating, whether online or IRL, I think standing out (in a way that’s true to yourself)is generally a higher “return” for the same effort vs “standing above”. Getting a Mohawk may decrease your potential dating pool by a lot, but also the few who see that as a symbol of compatibility will be far more likely to push harder to get a relationship with you. Whereas competing to be the most classically eligible bachelor wins you the most dates if you can be in the rarefied percentiles…but there’s a lot of competition. And within the population of single men and single women, it does tend to be a “winners-take-most” situation. I think the real “social crime” though is people pretending to be who they are not in order to score dates. Then even if you get in a relationship it’s usually not what either party actually wanted. Somewhat similar advice for jobs, actually. (In terms of being true to yourself as much as possible to find a good employer match). Obviously with jobs you just need money sometimes and have to shove yourself through a square hole. Whereas few people actually need sex/dates. Sometimes it sure feels like it, and human companionship has huge effects on physical and mental well-being (good or bad). Yes, I’m sure it’s saved more than a few people from suicide or poor decisions. But there’s no way to categorize this as a need unless we invent a way to fulfill it, all of which previously have been inhumane. Maybe AI/robotic companionship will allow new options.

yieldcrv 4y ago
I definitely go for polarizing over general appeal. I’m also generally not looking for a relationship. So there are also winner takes mosts in the fringes as well.

sgjohnson 4y ago

> Which is a net positive. That would entirely depend on what you’re looking for. Not everyone one dating sites is looking for a long-term romantic partner.

mrwh 4y ago
True, and of course I'm speaking for myself here.

quitit 4y ago

Some people seem to have a strong dislike of cats, so posing with one would lend to providing a filtering effect (i.e. Just as you describe: more rejections, but the passes are better matched.) That said I don't really buy into studying these kinds of perceptions beyond the obvious conclusions because attraction is too subjective to be studied with such simple toggles. To study it this way has the naivety of a reddit thread "LADIES WHAT IS THE ONE THING THAT MAKES YOU INSTANTLY ATTRACTED TO A MAN". Attraction is more than a sum of the individual parts, and the success of a relationship [interpreted as longevity] has been shown to not rely so much on choosing the perfect partner, but rather how you treat them once you have them.1 1. https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/29/us/what-makes-a-relationship-successful-study-wellness-trnd/index.html https://edition.cnn.com/2020/07/29/us/what-makes-a-relations...

deleted 4y ago
[deleted]