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Some people just aren't up to working remotely permanently. Those who need to be social with colleagues and this author says that when they mention they want co

Some people just aren't up to working remotely permanently. Those who need to be social with colleagues and this author says that when they mention they want colleagues to be friends. Not me. I want colleagues to be just that. I don't need to tell them what I did at the weekend as it's my business and I don't care what they did. Willpower is a learned skill that you can fine-tune so you are focused on your work. You need to treat your work as the single most important think in your life during the work hours. Don't surf the web from your work computer. Don't allow yourself to deviate from the regular daily routine.

akmarinov 4y ago
+1 on the coworker thing, with traditional office jobs you’re friends with those guys and you’re close and then you or they change jobs and you never hear from them again. All along it was just being in close proximity and seeing each other every day that kept you together. That’s not friendship.
- s1artibartfast 4y ago
  This ignores the large number of people who do find meaningful and Lasting friendships through their workplace, let alone spouses. The number one place where Americans met their married partners was at work It out ranks mutual friends, hobbies, and College.
  - horns4lyfe 4y ago
    And the idea that you can’t make friends working remote dismisses the idea that you can actually make friends through shared interests in a remote environment instead of just proximity and mutual suffering.
    - s1artibartfast 4y ago
      Who said anything about suffering? I enjoy spending time with friends at work. Whether that is working together on a project, chatting, or having a beer on company time.
      - horns4lyfe 4y ago
        You do, but that’s not true of everyone’s experience, which is why giving people choice is the right way to go.
- creakingstairs 4y ago
  Like you said, most of the time, you don’t get actual friendships with co-workers. But, being in close proximity, and sharing experience makes it more probable to foster friendships. I had a lot of colleagues in my last job, and I have become friends with 2 of them. So the odds are not big. But it’s bigger than my current remote only job.
  - projectazorian 4y ago
    That and you might meet non-coworkers through your work acquaintances. A lot of it is just expanding the opportunity space of potential social connections.
- DoughnutHole 4y ago
  Most people don't keep up contact with with most people they even meet socially if they move away. The ones you do are special, it's silly to discount everyone who you wouldn't keep in touch with minus proximity. Everyone's different and you do you, but from a social person's perspective the interactions in the moment have value and can bring joy whether or not I'm going to be friends with that person in 20 years.
- tpmoney 4y ago
  This seems overly dismissive of what friendship is or can be. Did you move away from your high school area? If so how many of your high school friends do you still keep in touch with? Are the people you don't people who were never your fiends? Or were they friends for a moment in time? Exes? Were you never friends if you don't keep in touch? College friends? Seriously there are many people in my life that were friends, but whom I have minimal or no contact with at all anymore. That doesn't mean they weren't friends. It might mean we aren't anymore but a relationship doesn't have to be permanent to be a relationship.
- ianbutler 4y ago
  I still talk to at least 2 coworkers from my previous job. Many people make friends from jobs.
gernb 4y ago
This seems strange to me. hey, I'm going to spent 40hrs a week with others, let's make sure I don't give a shit about them..... Vs, wow, I'm going to hang out with friends 40hrs a week. Sounds fun! I'd pick the 2nd always. 3 of my best friends in the world are ex-coworkers and 1 more was a friend before but we started a company together at one point so we're we were co-workers. Another close friend I got managed to convince to come to the company I was at. We all had great times together. It's one of the things that didn't happen at my last job and is certainly not happening at my current job with hybrid mostly WFH. Not making friends which basically makes work a chore instead of a party.
- sys_64738 4y ago
  But I'm not going to spend 40 hours a week with you. I'm working for an employer and might intersect with you a few times a day. I'm there to do work not to do the social scene.
  - ianbutler 4y ago
    Okay but I'd argue your take on this is an outlier, and not how people commonly view a workspace. Especially when people spend so much time in their jobs. It does seem to me you've left a lot of potential meaningful relationships on the table with your approach, but that's your choice.
deleted 4y ago
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akmarinov 4y ago

+1 on the coworker thing, with traditional office jobs you’re friends with those guys and you’re close and then you or they change jobs and you never hear from them again. All along it was just being in close proximity and seeing each other every day that kept you together. That’s not friendship.

s1artibartfast 4y ago
This ignores the large number of people who do find meaningful and Lasting friendships through their workplace, let alone spouses. The number one place where Americans met their married partners was at work It out ranks mutual friends, hobbies, and College.
- horns4lyfe 4y ago
  And the idea that you can’t make friends working remote dismisses the idea that you can actually make friends through shared interests in a remote environment instead of just proximity and mutual suffering.
  - s1artibartfast 4y ago
    Who said anything about suffering? I enjoy spending time with friends at work. Whether that is working together on a project, chatting, or having a beer on company time.
    - horns4lyfe 4y ago
      You do, but that’s not true of everyone’s experience, which is why giving people choice is the right way to go.
creakingstairs 4y ago
Like you said, most of the time, you don’t get actual friendships with co-workers. But, being in close proximity, and sharing experience makes it more probable to foster friendships. I had a lot of colleagues in my last job, and I have become friends with 2 of them. So the odds are not big. But it’s bigger than my current remote only job.
- projectazorian 4y ago
  That and you might meet non-coworkers through your work acquaintances. A lot of it is just expanding the opportunity space of potential social connections.
DoughnutHole 4y ago
Most people don't keep up contact with with most people they even meet socially if they move away. The ones you do are special, it's silly to discount everyone who you wouldn't keep in touch with minus proximity. Everyone's different and you do you, but from a social person's perspective the interactions in the moment have value and can bring joy whether or not I'm going to be friends with that person in 20 years.
tpmoney 4y ago
This seems overly dismissive of what friendship is or can be. Did you move away from your high school area? If so how many of your high school friends do you still keep in touch with? Are the people you don't people who were never your fiends? Or were they friends for a moment in time? Exes? Were you never friends if you don't keep in touch? College friends? Seriously there are many people in my life that were friends, but whom I have minimal or no contact with at all anymore. That doesn't mean they weren't friends. It might mean we aren't anymore but a relationship doesn't have to be permanent to be a relationship.
ianbutler 4y ago
I still talk to at least 2 coworkers from my previous job. Many people make friends from jobs.

gernb 4y ago

This seems strange to me. hey, I'm going to spent 40hrs a week with others, let's make sure I don't give a shit about them..... Vs, wow, I'm going to hang out with friends 40hrs a week. Sounds fun! I'd pick the 2nd always. 3 of my best friends in the world are ex-coworkers and 1 more was a friend before but we started a company together at one point so we're we were co-workers. Another close friend I got managed to convince to come to the company I was at. We all had great times together. It's one of the things that didn't happen at my last job and is certainly not happening at my current job with hybrid mostly WFH. Not making friends which basically makes work a chore instead of a party.

sys_64738 4y ago
But I'm not going to spend 40 hours a week with you. I'm working for an employer and might intersect with you a few times a day. I'm there to do work not to do the social scene.
- ianbutler 4y ago
  Okay but I'd argue your take on this is an outlier, and not how people commonly view a workspace. Especially when people spend so much time in their jobs. It does seem to me you've left a lot of potential meaningful relationships on the table with your approach, but that's your choice.

deleted 4y ago

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