Understandable. My condolences to you and your family on having to go through the hell you have had to. When a bit calmer, I would still encourage you to reach

Understandable. My condolences to you and your family on having to go through the hell you have had to. When a bit calmer, I would still encourage you to reach out and find constructive ways of dealing with the grief. That may commonly be to write letters/email to those that have affected you. It seems that Dr. Lense's work has had that affect on you and it may be helpful to you to write to him. Academics don't interact much with the public and having someone write to them does help focus their work and right wrongs. You may come to new understandings of the Dr.'s efforts and of your own self. Again, best of luck and I hope you find peace and guidance.