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If people feel uncomfortable or alienated by the truth that is their problem.

Latty 4y ago
Adopted parents/children often feel uncomfortable being reminded of the "truth" of their biological parenthood. While we should absolutely focus on being accepting and treating adoption as just as valid as biological parenthood (because it is, just as with gender identity), it would also be cruel and unreasonable to intentionally go our of your way to point out someone's lack of a biological relationship with their parents when there was no need for it and you know it causes them to be upset. Largely, this is a problem with society for telling them they are lesser for that, and people having treated them badly because of that, which they have then internalised as shame or a feeling of being less than.
- daenz 4y ago
  >Largely, this is a problem with society In the adoption example, I would argue that it is not a product of society, but just very present in society. I don't have data to back this up, but kids seem to be innately cruel about things like a peer being adopted, and I don't think it was programmed into them from society.
  - Latty 4y ago
    If there is an innate cruelty in our children that we allow to fester and allow them to apply in our society, rather than teaching them against it, then that is absolutely a product and failing of it. We are pretty advanced, we can do more than throw our hands up in the air and say "that's how it is" when faced with problems. If we choose not to, it is exactly that: a choice.
    - daenz 4y ago
      I'm not throwing up my hands (if you were suggesting that) because I still think kids should be socialized. I would agree that society should socialize it out of them, and if they don't, it is a failing of society, but I still don't agree it is a product, because product implies origin. It's more interesting to me to understand why the origin exists.
  - vanattab 4y ago
    It's nothing special about being adopted, kids can be brutal about anything unique/rare difference an individual has from the group. (Only transkid bullied, only poor kid bullied, only redhead bullied, say you like country when everyone else say rap or vis versa, etc) kids can be brutal and irrational in groups for sure. And if you follow politics you notice adults aren't much better ether.

Adopted parents/children often feel uncomfortable being reminded of the "truth" of their biological parenthood. While we should absolutely focus on being accepting and treating adoption as just as valid as biological parenthood (because it is, just as with gender identity), it would also be cruel and unreasonable to intentionally go our of your way to point out someone's lack of a biological relationship with their parents when there was no need for it and you know it causes them to be upset. Largely, this is a problem with society for telling them they are lesser for that, and people having treated them badly because of that, which they have then internalised as shame or a feeling of being less than.

daenz 4y ago
>Largely, this is a problem with society In the adoption example, I would argue that it is not a product of society, but just very present in society. I don't have data to back this up, but kids seem to be innately cruel about things like a peer being adopted, and I don't think it was programmed into them from society.
- Latty 4y ago
  If there is an innate cruelty in our children that we allow to fester and allow them to apply in our society, rather than teaching them against it, then that is absolutely a product and failing of it. We are pretty advanced, we can do more than throw our hands up in the air and say "that's how it is" when faced with problems. If we choose not to, it is exactly that: a choice.
  - daenz 4y ago
    I'm not throwing up my hands (if you were suggesting that) because I still think kids should be socialized. I would agree that society should socialize it out of them, and if they don't, it is a failing of society, but I still don't agree it is a product, because product implies origin. It's more interesting to me to understand why the origin exists.
- vanattab 4y ago
  It's nothing special about being adopted, kids can be brutal about anything unique/rare difference an individual has from the group. (Only transkid bullied, only poor kid bullied, only redhead bullied, say you like country when everyone else say rap or vis versa, etc) kids can be brutal and irrational in groups for sure. And if you follow politics you notice adults aren't much better ether.