I've tried lots of natural anti-depressant remedies. Background: I've suffered with major depression my entire life with frequent suicidal ideation and several

I've tried lots of natural anti-depressant remedies. Background: I've suffered with major depression my entire life with frequent suicidal ideation and several near-suicides. It's fairly seasonal and wile it happens throughout the year the worst time is in the winter near the solstice. I've also struggled with difficulty falling asleep since very young childhood, though that has gotten somewhat better with age (over 50 now). ** warning ** If you are on any prescription anti-depressants, don't stop taking them or modify your routine without talking to your doctor first. 5-HTP: nasty side effects from unwanted metabolism in the gut and excess serotonin levels in the brain that border on serotonin syndrome sometimes. After the initial 8 hours or so of bad side effects the anti-depressant effects last for about two days followed by a very hard crash on day 3. During the 2 "good" days the quality of the effect is a bit "off" and gives me an unusually "comfortable feeling" that is while much better than depression is not the most productive or normal feeling (see melatonin below for contrast). Be extremely careful with 5-HTP, serious serotonin syndrome can easily develop, especially if you are on other anti-depressants and can be fatal. I don't take 5-HTP anymore because of these side effects and better options (below). THC: Very effective during use (edibles = 4-6 hours), but tolerance levels build requiring higher doses. mild anti-depressant effects trail off gradually after day or two and quality is generally good. Of course cannabis has some side effects: short term memory impairment, general slight cognitive reduction but I have found these side effects can be virtually eliminated with L-Dopa (see below) L-Dopa: Taken with vitamin B-6, this is one of the few things I have found that enhances the cannabis experience rather than taking away from it. This increases dopamine levels in the brain which enhances the high and for me also seems to miraculously eliminate the side effects of cannabis (maybe this is due to offsetting dopamine depletion by THC?). I have also found that L-Dopa even seems to increase general cognitive functioning beyond undoing the effects of THC (maybe reversing age related degredation? It makes my brain feel like it did when I was 18). L-Dopa does have serious side effects however: It dramatically and seriously increases anxiety/paranoia for several hours so I only take it with cannabis edibles and even then not every time, no more than once per week. It's very important to know how to manage paranoia since THC also frequently triggers paranoia and the L-Dopa seems to amplify that. My method is to consciously and affirmatively "acknowledge and disregard" any paranoid or anxiety related thoughts. I have found that once I consciously identify and acknowledge certain thoughts are caused by the drugs/supplements and are not real (or as important as they seem), they disappear and everything is ok. Melatonin: This is by far the best anti-depressant I have ever used. Essentially no side effects other than putting you to sleep 30 mins after use, which when taken before bed is a huge plus (I have had difficulty falling asleep my entire life). Anti-depressant effects last for a few days, gradually trailing off without the hard crash of 5-HTP. The quality of the effect is also excellent (much better than 5-HTP). The best way I can describe it is "feeling healthy, energetic yet relaxed, and normal" most of the time. It's like a miracle drug, at least for me. I take 5mg every 3-4 days as needed.