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When I read the first example, my initial thought was that the author wasn’t considering the friend who WAS invited. There was only one extra ticket; if the fri

When I read the first example, my initial thought was that the author wasn’t considering the friend who WAS invited. There was only one extra ticket; if the friend had invited the author instead of the other friend, then THEY would have been in the same situation wondering why they weren’t invited. In other words, the author was not thinking of the invited friend as having the same feelings and desires as the author. I think this happens a lot. People get upset that their feelings aren’t considered, but fail to realize that everyone else is in the same boat. Only one friend gets to go, why is your not being invited a bigger sleight than the alternative? I think about this sort of thing a lot in various zero sum situations. For example, people get upset in video games where they don’t win a majority of their matches, but fail to realize that for every winner, there is a loser. If they won a majority of their matches, someone else has to lose a majority of theirs.

darkerside 4y ago
It's ok to care about yourself more than others.
- cortesoft 4y ago
  It’s ok, but you also need to understand that everyone else is doing the same thing. You shouldn’t be surprised when someone else does the same thing you are doing, and if you expect other people to treat you better than others, you are in for disappointment.
  - darkerside 4y ago
    Most of us treat our friends better than strangers. The closer we are, the more we want to spend time with them and give to them. When your close friend invites someone else to something like this -- long event, lots of time together, probably expensive -- it's understandable to ask whether they consider that person a better friend than you. You are probably wrong to jump to that as a conclusion, according to the article and my experience. This person's reaction has nothing to do with the third person getting invited, and everything to do with them _not_ getting invited and what it says about their relationship with the gift giver. Your statements seem orthogonal to what the author is actually thinking and concerned about.

darkerside 4y ago

It's ok to care about yourself more than others.

cortesoft 4y ago
It’s ok, but you also need to understand that everyone else is doing the same thing. You shouldn’t be surprised when someone else does the same thing you are doing, and if you expect other people to treat you better than others, you are in for disappointment.
- darkerside 4y ago
  Most of us treat our friends better than strangers. The closer we are, the more we want to spend time with them and give to them. When your close friend invites someone else to something like this -- long event, lots of time together, probably expensive -- it's understandable to ask whether they consider that person a better friend than you. You are probably wrong to jump to that as a conclusion, according to the article and my experience. This person's reaction has nothing to do with the third person getting invited, and everything to do with them _not_ getting invited and what it says about their relationship with the gift giver. Your statements seem orthogonal to what the author is actually thinking and concerned about.