4 ms·

Any tips on recovering from this in relationships/dating?

revskill 4y ago
Yes ! If it's about trust issue, then no way to recover. If it's not about trust, then just go travelling and sharing. Sharing is the key here.
- jimkleiber 4y ago
  I've seen in my experience that it's possible to rebuild trust, maybe not easy but possible. When I find that I start to distrust someone or we both distrust each other, sometimes I will try to open up even more about how I'm feeling, especially about sadness or shame or some more vulnerable things. And then I try to think about how they might be feeling on a much deeper level. While I can't control whether the other person starts to trust me more, these two steps often help me trust them a lot more. But maybe this is what you meant by sharing. Also yes I love traveling for giving space to reflect.
jimkleiber 4y ago
I didn't fully read the article, so maybe something I there talks about this or the ineffectiveness of this, however, what I find the most helpful is simple: tell the truth about how you are actually feeling. I think so much of burnout and resentment/cynicism in general but especially in romantic situations is paying more attention to what the other person is feeling than how we are feeling. And that in many micro conflicts, we don't say how we're feeling, such as saying yes to someone when we want to say no, agreeing when we want to disagree, and more. If you give more specifics on the situation, I'd love to give more suggestions on what has worked for me. If not, I understand and I'll stick with being more honest with myself and others about how I'm feeling has helped me a lot.
abledon 4y ago
Roll the dice and hope you find a good therapist in your area who clicks with your style
dudus 4y ago
Breakup/Divorce From the article: The only thing that works is to remove yourself from the environment that is causing burnout, and then taking the time off to recover. The good news is that recovery is guaranteed.
- muzani 4y ago
  Ideally you have some heat sink/oscillation analogy instead of just replacing damaged parts every time. A lot of families were strained during lockdown as they were all forced to sit together 24/7.
muzani 4y ago
Well, it says remove yourself from the environment. I did hit a point when dating where I asked my gf to leave me alone for a bit. She didn't take it well, but sometimes you have to do it. Often one person needs it more than the other. In marriage, both of you need a little me time. Every now and then, my wife goes to the movies alone, while I play with the kids at the playground. This is especially likely when someone takes the share of work, especially homemakers. If you're doing the same work 7 days/week, you're bound to get burnt out.
- enviclash 4y ago
  I sympathise, but why 7? Obviously not all roles can be exchanged, being in parental leave, I found switching some of the roles for 2 days can be relieving.
  - muzani 4y ago
    Because not all roles can be exchanged. Some of it is bad delegation, some of it is just the kids insisting that a certain parent do it, and sometimes it's just biology (breastfeeding). Also something along the lines of dad cooking pizza, pasta, and oats, while mom cooks the real food. Generally, they want the real food every day.
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
dragonwriter 4y ago
Removing yourself from the problem environment remains important. IME, in relationships, there can be different levels of this, all of which are important. E.g., as a parent: - Breaking out of the regular environment with the whole family (e.g., family vacations or “staycations”) - Breaking out of the regular environment as a couple (date nights, etc.) - Breaking out of the regular environment individually. “Engagement with the external social environment/self-care balance” is important, even in contexts where the more catchy name “work/life balance” isn't the right description. While unwinding, destressing, etc. is a big part of the value of breaks, part of it is getting so e time/distance to reflect/assess and diagnose things that aren't working, individually and collectively, and collaborate on fixes.

Yes ! If it's about trust issue, then no way to recover. If it's not about trust, then just go travelling and sharing. Sharing is the key here.

jimkleiber 4y ago
I've seen in my experience that it's possible to rebuild trust, maybe not easy but possible. When I find that I start to distrust someone or we both distrust each other, sometimes I will try to open up even more about how I'm feeling, especially about sadness or shame or some more vulnerable things. And then I try to think about how they might be feeling on a much deeper level. While I can't control whether the other person starts to trust me more, these two steps often help me trust them a lot more. But maybe this is what you meant by sharing. Also yes I love traveling for giving space to reflect.

jimkleiber 4y ago

I didn't fully read the article, so maybe something I there talks about this or the ineffectiveness of this, however, what I find the most helpful is simple: tell the truth about how you are actually feeling. I think so much of burnout and resentment/cynicism in general but especially in romantic situations is paying more attention to what the other person is feeling than how we are feeling. And that in many micro conflicts, we don't say how we're feeling, such as saying yes to someone when we want to say no, agreeing when we want to disagree, and more. If you give more specifics on the situation, I'd love to give more suggestions on what has worked for me. If not, I understand and I'll stick with being more honest with myself and others about how I'm feeling has helped me a lot.

abledon 4y ago

Roll the dice and hope you find a good therapist in your area who clicks with your style

dudus 4y ago

Breakup/Divorce From the article: The only thing that works is to remove yourself from the environment that is causing burnout, and then taking the time off to recover. The good news is that recovery is guaranteed.

muzani 4y ago
Ideally you have some heat sink/oscillation analogy instead of just replacing damaged parts every time. A lot of families were strained during lockdown as they were all forced to sit together 24/7.

muzani 4y ago

Well, it says remove yourself from the environment. I did hit a point when dating where I asked my gf to leave me alone for a bit. She didn't take it well, but sometimes you have to do it. Often one person needs it more than the other. In marriage, both of you need a little me time. Every now and then, my wife goes to the movies alone, while I play with the kids at the playground. This is especially likely when someone takes the share of work, especially homemakers. If you're doing the same work 7 days/week, you're bound to get burnt out.

enviclash 4y ago
I sympathise, but why 7? Obviously not all roles can be exchanged, being in parental leave, I found switching some of the roles for 2 days can be relieving.
- muzani 4y ago
  Because not all roles can be exchanged. Some of it is bad delegation, some of it is just the kids insisting that a certain parent do it, and sometimes it's just biology (breastfeeding). Also something along the lines of dad cooking pizza, pasta, and oats, while mom cooks the real food. Generally, they want the real food every day.

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

dragonwriter 4y ago

Removing yourself from the problem environment remains important. IME, in relationships, there can be different levels of this, all of which are important. E.g., as a parent: - Breaking out of the regular environment with the whole family (e.g., family vacations or “staycations”) - Breaking out of the regular environment as a couple (date nights, etc.) - Breaking out of the regular environment individually. “Engagement with the external social environment/self-care balance” is important, even in contexts where the more catchy name “work/life balance” isn't the right description. While unwinding, destressing, etc. is a big part of the value of breaks, part of it is getting so e time/distance to reflect/assess and diagnose things that aren't working, individually and collectively, and collaborate on fixes.