So first you should compare your job to a manager job not an IC job. Its looks like you are a manager that think that he sucks in being IC. As a manager its so

So first you should compare your job to a manager job not an IC job. Its looks like you are a manager that think that he sucks in being IC. As a manager its sounds like you are doing your job (of a manager). As IC you suck (maybe), but you are not IC. If you do not want to be a manager than switch to IC.