3 ms·

This is one of a number of articles/pieces/reddit posts I've seen on this topic lately. It's definitely a thing affecting more than just the male gender, but it

by ianai 4y ago

This is one of a number of articles/pieces/reddit posts I've seen on this topic lately. It's definitely a thing affecting more than just the male gender, but it's probably also worth discussing as a male gender thing specifically. I definitely think work/life balance is a huge societal miss right now. For one, there's all sorts of negatives pushed against being social at work-where probably most people spend most of their waking/sociable hours. Ostensibly, that'd be a natural place to build friendships/relationships (and was in the past) but both can be "sketchy" to outright banned in modern/western workplaces. Friendships can probably set off fear of unions amongst management, for example. Or just fraught with professional dangers. Otherwise, as a male, it was made clear to me through many different venues/sources during my younger years (especially 20s) that society and people would only be interested in me in direct relation to whatever resources I had (personally, for relationships, professionally - all of it). Don't have a job and a guy's out of the running. My 30s have been dominated by work and just generally not taking many risks that could affect my work. This includes avoiding anything which could set off management.

em-bee 4y ago
it was made clear to me through many different venues/sources during my younger years (especially 20s) that society and people would only be interested in me in direct relation to whatever resources I had wow, which culture is that? i have lived in europe, the united states, new zealand, and a few countries in asia, and i have never even noticed a hint of any such attitude.
- ianai 4y ago
  Hard to define. US southwest regionally. But also experienced in college towns where the male:female ratio is anywhere from 3:1 to 30:1 depending on context. Then online avenues just reinforced it. Browse r/tinder for an idea of the difference in experiences in online dating. I’ve had women (hundreds?) come out and tell me as much online across the decades-not confined to any one location obviously. Edit-just so this doesn’t seem solely bashing one side. I’m not gay. But I actually had a fellow/alumnus grad student friend for a while who all of a sudden was asking me to do all these minor tasks for him from afar. Turned out he had somehow gotten into his head we were in a relationship despite nothing of the sort having been discussed. (I’m not gay and would have made that clear had the topic came up.) Stands out I think because he ostensibly was only interested in developing a relationship with me through these tasks or something.
  - em-bee 4y ago
    ok, i didn't go to college in the US, and i also didn't experience the tinder demographic, fair enough. the second part of your comment is a bit confusing to me. wanting to be friends doesn't imply that someone is gay. doing things together and for each other is one way to keep that friendship alive. we actually had this topic a few weeks ago: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31713720 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31713720 asking someone for a favor is an opening for that person to ask for a favor in return. obviously it doesn't work if the other person is not interested.

by ianai 4y ago

em-bee 4y ago

it was made clear to me through many different venues/sources during my younger years (especially 20s) that society and people would only be interested in me in direct relation to whatever resources I had wow, which culture is that? i have lived in europe, the united states, new zealand, and a few countries in asia, and i have never even noticed a hint of any such attitude.

ianai 4y ago
Hard to define. US southwest regionally. But also experienced in college towns where the male:female ratio is anywhere from 3:1 to 30:1 depending on context. Then online avenues just reinforced it. Browse r/tinder for an idea of the difference in experiences in online dating. I’ve had women (hundreds?) come out and tell me as much online across the decades-not confined to any one location obviously. Edit-just so this doesn’t seem solely bashing one side. I’m not gay. But I actually had a fellow/alumnus grad student friend for a while who all of a sudden was asking me to do all these minor tasks for him from afar. Turned out he had somehow gotten into his head we were in a relationship despite nothing of the sort having been discussed. (I’m not gay and would have made that clear had the topic came up.) Stands out I think because he ostensibly was only interested in developing a relationship with me through these tasks or something.
- em-bee 4y ago
  ok, i didn't go to college in the US, and i also didn't experience the tinder demographic, fair enough. the second part of your comment is a bit confusing to me. wanting to be friends doesn't imply that someone is gay. doing things together and for each other is one way to keep that friendship alive. we actually had this topic a few weeks ago: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31713720 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=31713720 asking someone for a favor is an opening for that person to ask for a favor in return. obviously it doesn't work if the other person is not interested.