Can't really relate, as i don't have similar experience. But I do know a lot of my programmer friends, are not programmer by trade. A lot of things like chefs,

Can't really relate, as i don't have similar experience. But I do know a lot of my programmer friends, are not programmer by trade. A lot of things like chefs, forklift drivers etc... They enjoy their personal projects, but also did not enjoy professionally doing it. Myself i started programming recently in a somewhat professional context, but I chose it carefully not to run into the soul-destroying machine, hopefully. I program at a research institute, so the projects aren't products, and hence there's less pressure on the programmer. Perhaps a similar context would also be a more happy place for you. programming on things which are not sellable products. (some automation jobs, some research jobs and other things might require extensive programming, yet have no direct sales of the programs themselves.)