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If a 13 year old is that inexperienced and much of a target... it's probably time to have a conversation about sexuality and the perils of sharing sexual pictur

by ethbr0 4y ago

If a 13 year old is that inexperienced and much of a target... it's probably time to have a conversation about sexuality and the perils of sharing sexual pictures of oneself with random people on the internet. I swear, most of the "But what if?!"isms boil down to "I don't want to have an uncomfortable conversation with my child to teach them about the world." (Said as the father of a 14 year old)

tsol 4y ago
You should, but at the same time kids are naive and sometimes do things they know they shouldn't
Misdicorl 4y ago
I think you underestimate the problem space. Think of it like security issues where the attackers/researchers are constantly evolving and generating novel ways to hack a system. Your solution is telling fresh out of school developers to be really careful about use after free bugs and spear phishing. Obviously a good start. But it's not enough in a lot of cases.
- ethbr0 4y ago
  The central problem here is trust: either your kid trusts you enough to discuss things with you, or they don't. If that doesn't exist, implementing a technical panopticon is a way to paper over its worst effects, but it's not a solution to the root problem.
  - woojoo666 4y ago
    > The central problem here is trust: either your kid trusts you enough to discuss things with you, or they don't. I don't think it's that simple. A predator can catfish as a high school girl, send raunchy texts and images to the boy, and the boy might be tempted to engage but wouldn't tell their parents out of embarassment (just like how a teenage boy isn't going to tell their parents about their porn watching habits)
    - ethbr0 4y ago
      The solution to that isn't tapping your boy's IM and chat history though. It's having a relationship with him where he feels comfortable mentioning he's talking to someone new.
      - Misdicorl 4y ago
        And the opposition is doing everything they can to 1) make that communication remain innocuous long enough to fall into background ignore status 2) escalate in a way that will either avoid communicatong with you or even better seem fine to the child but not to you and so invoke the "my parent isn't fair" response and stop consulting you wholesale
        ethbr0 4y ago
        Yes. And why is your teen so desperate for attention that they're willing to get it from a random stranger on the internet? Instead of their friends or someone they know in real life? Jesus, this thread of an exercise of people making more and more convoluted excuses to treat their own children like criminals. Is this the HN that was against warrantless wiretapping, or did I mistakenly fall through into another forum?
        Misdicorl 4y ago
        You're obviously well convinced of your position; I haven't had to make one yet. I think a pure trust approach is laudable but scary. A common refrain from parents in these situations is how strong they thought their relationship with their child was and how they never imagined it could happen to them. Thats scary. Weighing a very low probability extreme consequence vs. various questionably impactful interventions with certain downsides is hard (at least in my view). Not to mention that there are risks the internet exposes you to that aren't sexual abuse related. Desensitization to violence, insane discourse (epithets dropped like candy), etc are also important aspects of a parent's moderation choices. Trust and conversations cannot address this since the desensitization takes place as a consequence of simple repeated exposure. In the extreme case, desensitization translates to usage, and I think thats clear if you listen to any 14 year old kid on an xbox stream.
  - sp332 4y ago
    You can't solve everything with a discussion. You can tell kids not to do something all day long, doesn't mean they won't do it.
  - Shared404 4y ago
    > it's not a solution to the root problem. And will make that root problem worse.
StanislavPetrov 4y ago
It is good to have that conversation but it isn't remotely enough. Children lack the reasoning capacity to make good decisions. They are immature by definition. No matter how well-informed and well-schooled your child is, they will not have the faculties or defenses of an adult.

by ethbr0 4y ago

tsol 4y ago

You should, but at the same time kids are naive and sometimes do things they know they shouldn't

Misdicorl 4y ago

I think you underestimate the problem space. Think of it like security issues where the attackers/researchers are constantly evolving and generating novel ways to hack a system. Your solution is telling fresh out of school developers to be really careful about use after free bugs and spear phishing. Obviously a good start. But it's not enough in a lot of cases.

ethbr0 4y ago
The central problem here is trust: either your kid trusts you enough to discuss things with you, or they don't. If that doesn't exist, implementing a technical panopticon is a way to paper over its worst effects, but it's not a solution to the root problem.
- woojoo666 4y ago
  > The central problem here is trust: either your kid trusts you enough to discuss things with you, or they don't. I don't think it's that simple. A predator can catfish as a high school girl, send raunchy texts and images to the boy, and the boy might be tempted to engage but wouldn't tell their parents out of embarassment (just like how a teenage boy isn't going to tell their parents about their porn watching habits)
  - ethbr0 4y ago
    The solution to that isn't tapping your boy's IM and chat history though. It's having a relationship with him where he feels comfortable mentioning he's talking to someone new.
    - Misdicorl 4y ago
      And the opposition is doing everything they can to 1) make that communication remain innocuous long enough to fall into background ignore status 2) escalate in a way that will either avoid communicatong with you or even better seem fine to the child but not to you and so invoke the "my parent isn't fair" response and stop consulting you wholesale
      - ethbr0 4y ago
        Yes. And why is your teen so desperate for attention that they're willing to get it from a random stranger on the internet? Instead of their friends or someone they know in real life? Jesus, this thread of an exercise of people making more and more convoluted excuses to treat their own children like criminals. Is this the HN that was against warrantless wiretapping, or did I mistakenly fall through into another forum?
        Misdicorl 4y ago
        You're obviously well convinced of your position; I haven't had to make one yet. I think a pure trust approach is laudable but scary. A common refrain from parents in these situations is how strong they thought their relationship with their child was and how they never imagined it could happen to them. Thats scary. Weighing a very low probability extreme consequence vs. various questionably impactful interventions with certain downsides is hard (at least in my view). Not to mention that there are risks the internet exposes you to that aren't sexual abuse related. Desensitization to violence, insane discourse (epithets dropped like candy), etc are also important aspects of a parent's moderation choices. Trust and conversations cannot address this since the desensitization takes place as a consequence of simple repeated exposure. In the extreme case, desensitization translates to usage, and I think thats clear if you listen to any 14 year old kid on an xbox stream.
- sp332 4y ago
  You can't solve everything with a discussion. You can tell kids not to do something all day long, doesn't mean they won't do it.
- Shared404 4y ago
  > it's not a solution to the root problem. And will make that root problem worse.

StanislavPetrov 4y ago

It is good to have that conversation but it isn't remotely enough. Children lack the reasoning capacity to make good decisions. They are immature by definition. No matter how well-informed and well-schooled your child is, they will not have the faculties or defenses of an adult.