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For those who might ever contemplate this, maybe you'd like to hear a bit from me. I've been both depressed life-long and have probably spent more time in such

For those who might ever contemplate this, maybe you'd like to hear a bit from me. I've been both depressed life-long and have probably spent more time in such contemplation than virtually anyone else here. (I'm pretty happy now, so no need to worry.) One of the worst things about this is the feeling that you can't talk to anyone about it, as the moment you do, you start having to take care of _them_ emotionally, at a time when you just can't. If you can afford it, a good therapist is an option--you pay them so you don't have to take care of them. How to find one? I don't know. Try several. Here's some first aid. First, no one gets out of life alive. Usually, there's no need to hurry your demise, as you'll be dead soon enough. And as many have observed, subjective time accelerates. If you're 35, your life is more than half done anyway. Second, before you take steps, try to remember a few things you always wanted to do. Do them first. I've always been partial to waterfalls. Mountains are great. Music festivals can be pretty cool. Go eat your favorite foods a few more times. Third, if everything seems bleak, get wasted. Probably things will seem less urgent in the morning. Longer term, try to find something to do, someone to love, and something to look forward to. That's the trifecta, but even one goes a long way. Worked for me. Will your problems pass? Probably, but maybe not. The pain, though, will lessen. What if you're dealing with someone else suicidal? Just listen and keep listening, without making yourself an emotional burden. If you can, do what a friend would do. There might come a moment, appropriate to the relationship, where you can let the person know that you'd be devastated if they killed themselves. (I think it's okay to exaggerate a bit on this point.) Godspeed. (I don't comment on HN, and likely HN prefers it that way. But this seems like an unusually important topic.)

vasco 4y ago
> What if you're dealing with someone else suicidal? Just listen and keep listening, without making yourself an emotional burden. Careful with this, it's easy as a partner of someone suffering from this to over time get too impacted by the constant depression talk and walking on egg shells to not say the wrong thing. My recommendation is to help your friend or partner get professional help, if after a couple of months of listening you're still just listening to same stuff. Otherwise it'll take a toll on you and two depressed people are worse than one.
- throwaway988 4y ago
  You can't save someone if you're drowning yourself. I wasn't really thinking of partners here. I guess I was blessed in that my partners at the worst moments didn't really care that much about me. Getting a partner that has my back was part of getting better. Or put another way, even on the worst days I just couldn't do it now, because I know she'd be destroyed. Anyway, I think friends and even just acquaintances can do more, even if that seems counterintuitive.
mmmpop 4y ago
> If you're 35, your life is more than half done anyway. Not really
- schrodinger 4y ago
  I think they meant in terms of the fact that life seems to pass more quickly when you're older, and at 36, I'm definitely feeling that.
- kupopuffs 4y ago
  you're missing the point, unless you're a life begins when you're 65 kinda guy
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
- yellowapple 4y ago
  It depends on a lot of factors - some of which are in your control, and some of which ain't. In my case, very few men on my dad's side of the family lived past 60 (and my dad only made it to 54), so in all likelihood my life is indeed already half done.
- aluminaient 4y ago
  Your life is subjectively half way over at 16. Dont kid yourself.
- KennyBlanken 4y ago
  The average US male life expectancy is 75, so: yes, actually.
- silisili 4y ago
  The preceding line was about subjective time passing. He's not saying you'll be dead by 70, he's saying everything after 35 feels like it goes by way, way faster than the first 35. I certainly feel that way, and may even adjust that number down some myself.
mlsu 4y ago
> Third, if everything seems bleak, get wasted. Probably things will seem less urgent in the morning. Please do not do this. Suicide and being drunk are very correlated. If you have a firearm in the house, or even if not, this is the single worst thing you can do for your own survival.
- bigyikes 4y ago
  Better idea: get stoned. You’re less likely to engage in reckless activities on cannabis compared to alcohol. At least, that’s been my experience in this situation.
- throwaway988 4y ago
  Look, if your two options are get drunk or kill yourself right now, in my opinion, do the former. This worked out for me--YMMV. Also, put your engineer hat on. You _absolutely_ do not want to kill yourself with a firearm. Yeah, it usually works. But if it doesn't, you will learn what true misery is.
hirundo 4y ago
Create something. Make something, anything. For me it works fast, like chocolate against dementors. The more meaningful the better, but in a pinch even making a pile of rocks will do. A sandcastle. A sculpture of Karl Malden's nose in chopped liver. It's like magic. It's a simple algorithm. Depressed? Build.

vasco 4y ago

> What if you're dealing with someone else suicidal? Just listen and keep listening, without making yourself an emotional burden. Careful with this, it's easy as a partner of someone suffering from this to over time get too impacted by the constant depression talk and walking on egg shells to not say the wrong thing. My recommendation is to help your friend or partner get professional help, if after a couple of months of listening you're still just listening to same stuff. Otherwise it'll take a toll on you and two depressed people are worse than one.

throwaway988 4y ago
You can't save someone if you're drowning yourself. I wasn't really thinking of partners here. I guess I was blessed in that my partners at the worst moments didn't really care that much about me. Getting a partner that has my back was part of getting better. Or put another way, even on the worst days I just couldn't do it now, because I know she'd be destroyed. Anyway, I think friends and even just acquaintances can do more, even if that seems counterintuitive.

mmmpop 4y ago

> If you're 35, your life is more than half done anyway. Not really

schrodinger 4y ago
I think they meant in terms of the fact that life seems to pass more quickly when you're older, and at 36, I'm definitely feeling that.
kupopuffs 4y ago
you're missing the point, unless you're a life begins when you're 65 kinda guy
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
yellowapple 4y ago
It depends on a lot of factors - some of which are in your control, and some of which ain't. In my case, very few men on my dad's side of the family lived past 60 (and my dad only made it to 54), so in all likelihood my life is indeed already half done.
aluminaient 4y ago
Your life is subjectively half way over at 16. Dont kid yourself.
KennyBlanken 4y ago
The average US male life expectancy is 75, so: yes, actually.
silisili 4y ago
The preceding line was about subjective time passing. He's not saying you'll be dead by 70, he's saying everything after 35 feels like it goes by way, way faster than the first 35. I certainly feel that way, and may even adjust that number down some myself.

mlsu 4y ago

> Third, if everything seems bleak, get wasted. Probably things will seem less urgent in the morning. Please do not do this. Suicide and being drunk are very correlated. If you have a firearm in the house, or even if not, this is the single worst thing you can do for your own survival.

bigyikes 4y ago
Better idea: get stoned. You’re less likely to engage in reckless activities on cannabis compared to alcohol. At least, that’s been my experience in this situation.
throwaway988 4y ago
Look, if your two options are get drunk or kill yourself right now, in my opinion, do the former. This worked out for me--YMMV. Also, put your engineer hat on. You _absolutely_ do not want to kill yourself with a firearm. Yeah, it usually works. But if it doesn't, you will learn what true misery is.

hirundo 4y ago

Create something. Make something, anything. For me it works fast, like chocolate against dementors. The more meaningful the better, but in a pinch even making a pile of rocks will do. A sandcastle. A sculpture of Karl Malden's nose in chopped liver. It's like magic. It's a simple algorithm. Depressed? Build.