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> Being spoken over or interrupted at meetings. I observe this so much in meetings. It happens a lot, it isn't malice, but it keeps happening. I don't really

> Being spoken over or interrupted at meetings. I observe this so much in meetings. It happens a lot, it isn't malice, but it keeps happening. I don't really know how to deal with it. I sometimes call it out... only once in a while. But I try not to do too much, because I (through overthinking things, maybe?) don't want to undermine women standing up for themselves and also my callouts just becoming noise.

civilized 4y ago
It's such a widespread problem. In some cases, like yours, it can be extremely gendered against women. In my case, the biggest example is a particular high-ranking woman who constantly talks over everyone and hijacks meetings with 10 minute long monologues. A lot of people need to work on this. A fundamental issue is that people in management roles are often not evaluated on how they treat subordinates. When this is addressed, it helps everyone, but especially (I think) marginalized groups.
- itsdrewmiller 4y ago
  In most cases though it is men interrupting women. https://www.advisory.com/daily-briefing/2017/07/07/men-interrupting-women https://www.advisory.com/daily-briefing/2017/07/07/men-inter...
  - civilized 4y ago
    Wow, those findings are really dramatic. Not only the proportion of interruptions in opposite-sex conversations was nearly all by men in the first study, but also the number of interruptions was 4x the same-sex conversations. So on average, just the presence of a woman seems to really trigger men to use a much more domineering style. I think this is a big reason why sex-segregated settings are often found to be helpful or protective to women, e.g. in middle and high school. Or more broadly, in places like bathrooms and prisons. It would be interesting to see if the interruptions tend to come from particular men or are broadly distributed. All that said, everyone who has an issue with hijacking conversations should be incentivized to fix this, regardless of their demographic group.
shultays 4y ago
I don't think being interrupted happens to females only. It happens to everyone. I think author is just assuming that people are interrupting her because of her gender, while in the reality people interrupt each other all the time
- civilized 4y ago
  My guess is that sometimes people misinterpret it as gendered or racialized, but a lot of times they may actually live in an environment that really does treat them differently. It's hard to know without being in their shoes to see and hear it.
- zzzeek 4y ago
  no, but the interrupting itself tends (of course not always, just tends) to be a male habit, and we males are kind of used to interrupting each other kind of like an extension of boyhood rough play, or something, but it's not the same experience as that experienced by many females.
  - civilized 4y ago
    It would be interesting if men and women have a different average tolerance for being interrupted. We would want to be sensitive to that, not just assume that the "male default" is how every group meeting should work.
  - commandlinefan 4y ago
    I’m male and am interrupted far more often by females.
    - lamontcg 4y ago
      It is actually fundamentally more about social status and reputation, just like high school.
  - rustybelt 4y ago
    Why should males be asked to change their communication style to be more feminine? Especially in a majority male working environment? Shouldn’t the women be the ones to adapt? Is there something inherently wrong with how men tend to communicate? It actually seems more sexist to make these changes because supposedly “fragile” women can’t handle the existing environment.
HorizonXP 4y ago
I am very bad at doing this to others IRL and online. But my team has been fully remote for the last few years, so I’ve made a conscious effort to stop myself from doing this, acknowledging and apologizing when I do, and specifically calling out the person I did it to and ask, “you were trying to say something, did you still want to share?” We have a few women on our team, some in developer roles. I’d like to think I’m doing a decent job, but I’d have to ask them. I don’t even know how to get their honest feedback without being intimidating. I hope it’s as easy as “tell me honestly, how do you feel about your inclusion within the team? Anything I or the team can do better?”
yucky 4y ago
This happens to men too, but nobody calls it out. However, I will often make an effort of repeating the point made by the person in the manner of "As XXXX mentioned, I really like the idea of YYYY". This way the person gets credit (and a co-signer) and the idea is brought back into discussion in case it was just accidentally talked past. And I don't do it in a dickish way that presumes it was done intentionally, so nobody is on the defensive.

civilized 4y ago

It's such a widespread problem. In some cases, like yours, it can be extremely gendered against women. In my case, the biggest example is a particular high-ranking woman who constantly talks over everyone and hijacks meetings with 10 minute long monologues. A lot of people need to work on this. A fundamental issue is that people in management roles are often not evaluated on how they treat subordinates. When this is addressed, it helps everyone, but especially (I think) marginalized groups.

itsdrewmiller 4y ago
In most cases though it is men interrupting women. https://www.advisory.com/daily-briefing/2017/07/07/men-interrupting-women https://www.advisory.com/daily-briefing/2017/07/07/men-inter...
- civilized 4y ago
  Wow, those findings are really dramatic. Not only the proportion of interruptions in opposite-sex conversations was nearly all by men in the first study, but also the number of interruptions was 4x the same-sex conversations. So on average, just the presence of a woman seems to really trigger men to use a much more domineering style. I think this is a big reason why sex-segregated settings are often found to be helpful or protective to women, e.g. in middle and high school. Or more broadly, in places like bathrooms and prisons. It would be interesting to see if the interruptions tend to come from particular men or are broadly distributed. All that said, everyone who has an issue with hijacking conversations should be incentivized to fix this, regardless of their demographic group.

shultays 4y ago

I don't think being interrupted happens to females only. It happens to everyone. I think author is just assuming that people are interrupting her because of her gender, while in the reality people interrupt each other all the time

civilized 4y ago
My guess is that sometimes people misinterpret it as gendered or racialized, but a lot of times they may actually live in an environment that really does treat them differently. It's hard to know without being in their shoes to see and hear it.
zzzeek 4y ago
no, but the interrupting itself tends (of course not always, just tends) to be a male habit, and we males are kind of used to interrupting each other kind of like an extension of boyhood rough play, or something, but it's not the same experience as that experienced by many females.
- civilized 4y ago
  It would be interesting if men and women have a different average tolerance for being interrupted. We would want to be sensitive to that, not just assume that the "male default" is how every group meeting should work.
- commandlinefan 4y ago
  I’m male and am interrupted far more often by females.
  - lamontcg 4y ago
    It is actually fundamentally more about social status and reputation, just like high school.
- rustybelt 4y ago
  Why should males be asked to change their communication style to be more feminine? Especially in a majority male working environment? Shouldn’t the women be the ones to adapt? Is there something inherently wrong with how men tend to communicate? It actually seems more sexist to make these changes because supposedly “fragile” women can’t handle the existing environment.

HorizonXP 4y ago

I am very bad at doing this to others IRL and online. But my team has been fully remote for the last few years, so I’ve made a conscious effort to stop myself from doing this, acknowledging and apologizing when I do, and specifically calling out the person I did it to and ask, “you were trying to say something, did you still want to share?” We have a few women on our team, some in developer roles. I’d like to think I’m doing a decent job, but I’d have to ask them. I don’t even know how to get their honest feedback without being intimidating. I hope it’s as easy as “tell me honestly, how do you feel about your inclusion within the team? Anything I or the team can do better?”

yucky 4y ago

This happens to men too, but nobody calls it out. However, I will often make an effort of repeating the point made by the person in the manner of "As XXXX mentioned, I really like the idea of YYYY". This way the person gets credit (and a co-signer) and the idea is brought back into discussion in case it was just accidentally talked past. And I don't do it in a dickish way that presumes it was done intentionally, so nobody is on the defensive.