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Title is kinda garbage. What Hinge is to OkCupid - Feeld is to FetLife. That's what I've gathered from the queer people in my life. I find these articles writt

Title is kinda garbage. What Hinge is to OkCupid - Feeld is to FetLife. That's what I've gathered from the queer people in my life. I find these articles written by (mostly) women who get such easy access to sex to be a bit... cringey. It's often written in such a way that clearly shows a privilege that is basically completely unknown to them. Akin to being rich and being unaware most people can't just ask their parents for a new Mercedes. There's always some writing about a man or men but it's always about tall white men. This article is no different. It's just... cringey and completely unaware. I expect no different from a New Yorker article, tbh - as its entire employee base is this type of persona. (Blissfully unaware)

david38 4y ago
You are correct. Some young reasonably attractive woman “explores” and what a surprise? There are tons of guys willing to sleep with her, even under X, Y, Z conditions. Much of the publishing industry is filled with hopeful women backed by family money trying to break into the industry. For most it pays very little, but must confer some sort of status? Find your nitch, be bold, be aggressive, ???, profit?
throw_xxx_rated 4y ago
I'm a pretty average looking white guy and I'd say you are completely wrong in your assessment. Have you actually tried this? It's true that women get a lot more approaches a lot quicker then men. But this whole "oh no I'm a guy the world is against me" is nonsense. You need to seem interesting in some way.
- bradlys 4y ago
  Of course I have. I’m an above average man in many ways but I’ve lived in Seattle and SF primarily for most of my “dating” years where men heavily outnumber women. Unfortunately add on - I am neither white nor tall. Nor muscular nor good looking. I am completely average in many ways superficially but well within the 1% in many others. I’m not sure if you live in the US but it’s incredibly competitive here for young men. You’re also in your 40s. So, your time might’ve been different as online dating wasn’t as prolific/normalized in your 20s as it was in my 20s. When I was in my 20s, close to 40% of people met through online dating. On top of this - sex for men in their 20s plummeted in my 20s while in yours - it didn’t suffer at all. Also - I take “average looking white guy” with a grain of salt. I’ve seen 6’4” models describe themselves as average in person and online.
  - throw_xxx_rated 4y ago
    It's true that maybe it matters where you are. I imagine SF and Seattle might be different. I was recently in <another major US tech center city> for a bit and didn't have trouble getting dates on Tinder, and picked up a 26yo girl from Seattle in a bar. I don't think I'm good looking, but I am interesting. I talk well with people both online and in person. > Also - I take “average looking white guy” with a grain of salt. Well thanks and I wish that was true. But balding, middle aged, slightly overweight computer programmer here. I don't have acne I guess and I try to dress well, and like I said above I'm interesting. I also taught myself how to actively listen. Someone once told me they'd met Bill Clinton, and he had the ability to make people feel like they were the most important person in the whole world when he spoke to them, and they said I'm like that. I'm not discounting your experience and the stats that say what they do. But I know how bad I was with women when I was in my 20s and when I meet many guys who complain about this I see the same behaviors I had.
    - bradlys 4y ago
      > I don't think I'm good looking, but I am interesting. I talk well with people both online and in person. If only online dating relied on talking to get a match. Instead it relies on - hmm - your photos to get a match. Why is this so hard for older men to get? This is a repeated issue on HN. Like you use the app - you realize the photos are the most important thing. Just face it / you’re more physically attractive than you likely realize. Most men in the USA don’t get matches - let alone messages.
      - throw_xxx_rated 4y ago
        > If only online dating relied on talking to get a match. Instead it relies on - hmm - your photos to get a match. On Feeld I had a scenery photo to keep my identity secret. That isn't uncommon.
- dTal 4y ago
  >But this whole "oh no I'm a guy the world is against me" is nonsense. You need to seem interesting in some way. Quite so. Women on the other hand don't need to seem interesting to get as much casual sex as they can handle. Which was the point.
BerislavLopac 4y ago
FooBarBizBazz 4y ago
The best way for a Western man to experience what it's like to be such a person, is to spend some time in the third world. Analogous to the ubiquitous harassment and "male gaze" encountered by people like the author (because dudes want their bodies), you will experience ubiquitous (and aggressive) harassment and "third world gaze" -- because everybody wants your money. "I'm not just a pair of boobs" becomes "I'm not just a walking ATM", and so on. You will continue to want to go out in public, but you will also want to find "safe spaces" -- expat hangouts, good hotels... places that keep out the riffraff. At some point you just need to be able to hang out by the pool without somebody trying to rip you off in their tuk-tuk or sell you a suit. Or, say, go to your yoga class before making your way to the job from which it's too much political hassle to ever fire you. Whatever. Chronos crushes us all. "I am become time", says Vishnu. She'll learn, eventually.

david38 4y ago

You are correct. Some young reasonably attractive woman “explores” and what a surprise? There are tons of guys willing to sleep with her, even under X, Y, Z conditions. Much of the publishing industry is filled with hopeful women backed by family money trying to break into the industry. For most it pays very little, but must confer some sort of status? Find your nitch, be bold, be aggressive, ???, profit?

throw_xxx_rated 4y ago

I'm a pretty average looking white guy and I'd say you are completely wrong in your assessment. Have you actually tried this? It's true that women get a lot more approaches a lot quicker then men. But this whole "oh no I'm a guy the world is against me" is nonsense. You need to seem interesting in some way.

bradlys 4y ago
Of course I have. I’m an above average man in many ways but I’ve lived in Seattle and SF primarily for most of my “dating” years where men heavily outnumber women. Unfortunately add on - I am neither white nor tall. Nor muscular nor good looking. I am completely average in many ways superficially but well within the 1% in many others. I’m not sure if you live in the US but it’s incredibly competitive here for young men. You’re also in your 40s. So, your time might’ve been different as online dating wasn’t as prolific/normalized in your 20s as it was in my 20s. When I was in my 20s, close to 40% of people met through online dating. On top of this - sex for men in their 20s plummeted in my 20s while in yours - it didn’t suffer at all. Also - I take “average looking white guy” with a grain of salt. I’ve seen 6’4” models describe themselves as average in person and online.
- throw_xxx_rated 4y ago
  It's true that maybe it matters where you are. I imagine SF and Seattle might be different. I was recently in <another major US tech center city> for a bit and didn't have trouble getting dates on Tinder, and picked up a 26yo girl from Seattle in a bar. I don't think I'm good looking, but I am interesting. I talk well with people both online and in person. > Also - I take “average looking white guy” with a grain of salt. Well thanks and I wish that was true. But balding, middle aged, slightly overweight computer programmer here. I don't have acne I guess and I try to dress well, and like I said above I'm interesting. I also taught myself how to actively listen. Someone once told me they'd met Bill Clinton, and he had the ability to make people feel like they were the most important person in the whole world when he spoke to them, and they said I'm like that. I'm not discounting your experience and the stats that say what they do. But I know how bad I was with women when I was in my 20s and when I meet many guys who complain about this I see the same behaviors I had.
  - bradlys 4y ago
    > I don't think I'm good looking, but I am interesting. I talk well with people both online and in person. If only online dating relied on talking to get a match. Instead it relies on - hmm - your photos to get a match. Why is this so hard for older men to get? This is a repeated issue on HN. Like you use the app - you realize the photos are the most important thing. Just face it / you’re more physically attractive than you likely realize. Most men in the USA don’t get matches - let alone messages.
    - throw_xxx_rated 4y ago
      > If only online dating relied on talking to get a match. Instead it relies on - hmm - your photos to get a match. On Feeld I had a scenery photo to keep my identity secret. That isn't uncommon.
dTal 4y ago
>But this whole "oh no I'm a guy the world is against me" is nonsense. You need to seem interesting in some way. Quite so. Women on the other hand don't need to seem interesting to get as much casual sex as they can handle. Which was the point.

BerislavLopac 4y ago

FooBarBizBazz 4y ago

The best way for a Western man to experience what it's like to be such a person, is to spend some time in the third world. Analogous to the ubiquitous harassment and "male gaze" encountered by people like the author (because dudes want their bodies), you will experience ubiquitous (and aggressive) harassment and "third world gaze" -- because everybody wants your money. "I'm not just a pair of boobs" becomes "I'm not just a walking ATM", and so on. You will continue to want to go out in public, but you will also want to find "safe spaces" -- expat hangouts, good hotels... places that keep out the riffraff. At some point you just need to be able to hang out by the pool without somebody trying to rip you off in their tuk-tuk or sell you a suit. Or, say, go to your yoga class before making your way to the job from which it's too much political hassle to ever fire you. Whatever. Chronos crushes us all. "I am become time", says Vishnu. She'll learn, eventually.