4 ms·

It is alarming how similar we are (low 30s, 4DWW, great marriage, kids, big house, etc) but I've had similar thoughts. This sounds cliche and obvious, but it m

It is alarming how similar we are (low 30s, 4DWW, great marriage, kids, big house, etc) but I've had similar thoughts. This sounds cliche and obvious, but it made a big difference for me: I found myself dreaming of shipping a project, or writing a book - whatever. But, then I would stay in the dream or possibility of what could happen if I did those things - but I wasn't actually doing enough to make them happen. So, I sat down on a Saturday morning, and wrote down what I would feel "unfulfilled" with in life if I didn't try them. Then, I wrote down a tangible plan to try them. It will takes years, but I will give them a go. I found that for me, it was the "what if" that was killing me, so I am eliminating that element and will let the chips fall where they may.

perfectjob 4y ago
> But, then I would stay in the dream or possibility of what could happen if I did those things - but I wasn't actually doing enough to make them happen. I know that one too well :) What do you have on your list? Just different things in areas of life or mainly productive-related stuff?
- jordanmorgan10 4y ago
  Mostly career related things. I made peace with the fact that I simply love making things, and there are four things I really want to make that I think could also be a business. Outside of professional stuff, I’m really fulfilled in life (i.e. that’s why I don’t have anything other than career aspirations on this particular list)
mattbrewsbytes 4y ago
Remembering and referencing Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs just now ... this is the top of the pyramid - Self Actualization - achieving full potential including creative activities. Maybe this vision/desire becomes more prevalent in SW Engineers (in US at least) in their 30's or 40's because you've got the bottom tiers completed (I know its not like a video game skill tree) and possibly have Esteem met with being accomplished in comparison to many other careers. Tech is a sought after field, known to have high income and requires a certain mindset to be good at it. Being good, not even great, at Tech in the US gets you thru the bottom 4 pretty well. If your job lacks any avenue towards creativity or path towards self-actualization professionally (like being "known" in tech, building a widely used thing, writing a tech book, etc.) then you seek out other avenues towards self-actualization. My problem is having these ideas of things that I want to do, like an idea for a novel as an example, but not knowing how/where to start or just plain ignoring the sheer amount of work that is required and day-dreaming about it. That's not at the top of my list but that idea keeps percolating up at times. I like your approach about writing down a plan to fulfill those self-actualization types of things. An example where I've realized its a lot more work is building a desk top out of walnut for a sit/stand desk. From roughly cut boards to a finished top looks easy on youtube videos. Squaring a board to join with other boards without pro tools is a lot of work. So much work, much more than I thought. Some of the work is part of the process of learning.
daxfohl 4y ago
Yeah, making a 1 year, 5 year, 10 year, 20 year plan and getting started with it helped a lot for me.

perfectjob 4y ago

> But, then I would stay in the dream or possibility of what could happen if I did those things - but I wasn't actually doing enough to make them happen. I know that one too well :) What do you have on your list? Just different things in areas of life or mainly productive-related stuff?

jordanmorgan10 4y ago
Mostly career related things. I made peace with the fact that I simply love making things, and there are four things I really want to make that I think could also be a business. Outside of professional stuff, I’m really fulfilled in life (i.e. that’s why I don’t have anything other than career aspirations on this particular list)

mattbrewsbytes 4y ago

Remembering and referencing Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs just now ... this is the top of the pyramid - Self Actualization - achieving full potential including creative activities. Maybe this vision/desire becomes more prevalent in SW Engineers (in US at least) in their 30's or 40's because you've got the bottom tiers completed (I know its not like a video game skill tree) and possibly have Esteem met with being accomplished in comparison to many other careers. Tech is a sought after field, known to have high income and requires a certain mindset to be good at it. Being good, not even great, at Tech in the US gets you thru the bottom 4 pretty well. If your job lacks any avenue towards creativity or path towards self-actualization professionally (like being "known" in tech, building a widely used thing, writing a tech book, etc.) then you seek out other avenues towards self-actualization. My problem is having these ideas of things that I want to do, like an idea for a novel as an example, but not knowing how/where to start or just plain ignoring the sheer amount of work that is required and day-dreaming about it. That's not at the top of my list but that idea keeps percolating up at times. I like your approach about writing down a plan to fulfill those self-actualization types of things. An example where I've realized its a lot more work is building a desk top out of walnut for a sit/stand desk. From roughly cut boards to a finished top looks easy on youtube videos. Squaring a board to join with other boards without pro tools is a lot of work. So much work, much more than I thought. Some of the work is part of the process of learning.

daxfohl 4y ago

Yeah, making a 1 year, 5 year, 10 year, 20 year plan and getting started with it helped a lot for me.