You sound kind of unconsciously lonely or self-centric here. I don't mean that as an insult, just as where your attention seems focused. You also sound a lot l

You sound kind of unconsciously lonely or self-centric here. I don't mean that as an insult, just as where your attention seems focused. You also sound a lot like me, so i'm almost certainly projecting a bit here... I have noticed that I am, eventually, not very interesting to myself, but the world is, and being "involved in mankind" has much to recommend it. Other people have made such observations. David Foster Wallace: the so-called real world will not discourage you from operating on your default settings, because the so-called real world of men and money and power hums merrily along in a pool of fear and anger and frustration and craving and worship of self. Our own present culture has harnessed these forces in ways that have yielded extraordinary wealth and comfort and personal freedom. The freedom all to be lords of our tiny skull-sized kingdoms, alone at the centre of all creation. This kind of freedom has much to recommend it. But of course there are all different kinds of freedom, and the kind that is most precious you will not hear much talk about much in the great outside world of wanting and achieving. The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline, and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in myriad petty, unsexy ways every day. That is real freedom. That is being educated, and understanding how to think. The alternative is unconsciousness, the default setting, the rat race, the constant gnawing sense of having had, and lost, some infinite thing. Isaiah: What I’m interested in seeing you do is: sharing your food with the hungry, inviting the homeless poor into your homes, putting clothes on the shivering ill-clad, being available to your own families. Do this and the lights will turn on, and your lives will turn around at once. I would suggest to you that you are feeling a call to service. It's worth answering not because it's "what you owe" or "because you have to", but because it keeps you alive and human. It's good in and of itself. It will delight and surprise you. And if you're anything like me, it'll keep you out of your head all the time. And then the light can come in.