We program our subconscious long before we fully know what we are doing and why then define our conscious beliefs and values much later. Unfortunately that is

We program our subconscious long before we fully know what we are doing and why then define our conscious beliefs and values much later. Unfortunately that is a recipe for a conflict such as yours. My recommendation is to; 1) Start writing a daily journal so you will become more clear on what you believe and why you do the things you do (and change them if you want) and your value system. 2) The subconscious is mostly automatic and many good or bad habits arise automatically from our minds and before we know it we are acting on them. When I am trying to break a habit I use a counter to count how many times I catch myself doing something that I am trying to change during my day. It is counter intuitive but just focus on the counting, don't analyze, just click the button and move on. Over time this simple technique will help to reprogram the subc by just making you aware of the automatic thoughts/action but it does take time. I use a knitting counter but there are many varieties and I don't use it all the time. These are for the finger but I replaced the strap with a rubber band and wear in on my wrist. https://www.amazon.com/Kingdder-Electronic-Knitting-Colorful-Crocheting/dp/B09G6PXJ3T/ https://www.amazon.com/Kingdder-Electronic-Knitting-Colorful... 3) A couple of times a month do a "laugh log" by which I mean write down during the course of a day anything that makes you laugh or that you find amusing. Introspection can be difficult but what we laugh at is a little peek into what is going on under the hood, so to speak. Collect the log and review it in your journal and identify implications. Good luck!