4 ms·

Do people want things like this? Not just developers, I mean people just like them? Genuine question. Maybe I'm burned out, but the last thing I want to talk

Do people want things like this? Not just developers, I mean people just like them? Genuine question. Maybe I'm burned out, but the last thing I want to talk about outside of work is computers/programming. In my life dating, people like me just made for a rather boring relationship. My wife and I couldn't be more different of people, with wildly different interests, but it makes for always interesting conversation and learning from one another.

jokethrowaway 4y ago
I dated developers for years and we rarely discussed work or tech. I dumped an ex-gf because she was going to be a doctor and that's not the life I wanted for my family. There are plenty of developers who are quite different from yourself. What being a developer seems to indicate is: making decent financial/career choices, willingness to automate away your job
- solardev 4y ago
  > I dumped an ex-gf because she was going to be a doctor and that's not the life I wanted for my family. Lol, out of curiosity, what does this mean?
  - yellowapple 4y ago
    Medical professionals often work long hours on awkward schedules that are hard to plan around. Hospitals don't shut down on nights/weekends/holidays.
    - solardev 4y ago
      Ah, that makes sense. Is that automatically the case with most doctors, or only with like on-call surgeons?
      - martin_a 4y ago
        That's the case for probably all doctors, nurses etc., basically everybody working in a hospital Source: Dated a nurse. :-D edit: Also they might be changing/rotating shifts, so for some time my date and me could only meet in the mornings on weekends.
      - deleted 4y ago
        [deleted]
      - sshine 4y ago
        Doctors, nurses, wet nurses, ... Anyone who works with people whose health condition can change any moment. Night shifts, holiday restrictions, inflexible hours. Anyone who is married to a health professional will plan around their schedule.
      - yellowapple 4y ago
        It usually depends on the specific practice/specialization or facility, but yeah, most doctors are in the category of 24/7 essential healthcare - especially when they're first starting out and lack any semblance of tenure.
  - x86x87 4y ago
    didn't want someone who moved fast and broke things? :)
catsarebetter 4y ago
I assumed it was a landing page test
netaustin 4y ago
This works well for me, too. My wife is a teacher. I appreciate her schedule and her outside perspective on my chunk of the tech industry, and the diversity of our perspectives makes us a better parenting team. I also appreciate the income diversification; I know lots of couples who have highly correlated salaries. Not a reason to choose a partner but something to try and de-risk if you’re in that position. Lastly, it’s nice to bounce product ideas off someone who is unimpressed by flashy features. This isn’t to say that I think developers dating developers is a bad idea, choosing a partner is the most personal possible choice and I’m glad to see an interesting new angle on it.
solardev 4y ago
Same... I've never dated another dev, but have dated people who were very similar in almost every way, and those never really worked out long term. My current partner, who I've been with the longest by far, is very different in all the ways except the ones that really matter (values, personality compatibility, emphasis on good communications and collaborative problem-solving). I appreciate the diversity and our different perspectives a lot, along with our ability to talk through differences together in a "we both win or we both lose" kinda dialogue, no shouting or anything, just a lot of back-and-forth sharing.
sterlind 4y ago
for programming, I totally agree. for science, it seems like it's a different story. there's numbers of famous teams of spouses who work side by side in the same field/lab. universities will even find a faculty position for your spouse if they want you enough. I'm biased perhaps, but I think science is fundamentally more interesting and rewarding than doing engineering for a FAANG. (disclaimer: I work for a FAANG but on more and more pure math stuff.)
- solardev 4y ago
  I would love to see more comparisons between the sciences and programming, and the kinds of people each attracts.
Fire-Dragon-DoL 4y ago
For some people, programming is one of their main hobbies outside from work. I have to actively push myself to avoid talking about work, I enjoy it.

jokethrowaway 4y ago

I dated developers for years and we rarely discussed work or tech. I dumped an ex-gf because she was going to be a doctor and that's not the life I wanted for my family. There are plenty of developers who are quite different from yourself. What being a developer seems to indicate is: making decent financial/career choices, willingness to automate away your job

solardev 4y ago
> I dumped an ex-gf because she was going to be a doctor and that's not the life I wanted for my family. Lol, out of curiosity, what does this mean?
- yellowapple 4y ago
  Medical professionals often work long hours on awkward schedules that are hard to plan around. Hospitals don't shut down on nights/weekends/holidays.
  - solardev 4y ago
    Ah, that makes sense. Is that automatically the case with most doctors, or only with like on-call surgeons?
    - martin_a 4y ago
      That's the case for probably all doctors, nurses etc., basically everybody working in a hospital Source: Dated a nurse. :-D edit: Also they might be changing/rotating shifts, so for some time my date and me could only meet in the mornings on weekends.
    - deleted 4y ago
      [deleted]
    - sshine 4y ago
      Doctors, nurses, wet nurses, ... Anyone who works with people whose health condition can change any moment. Night shifts, holiday restrictions, inflexible hours. Anyone who is married to a health professional will plan around their schedule.
    - yellowapple 4y ago
      It usually depends on the specific practice/specialization or facility, but yeah, most doctors are in the category of 24/7 essential healthcare - especially when they're first starting out and lack any semblance of tenure.
- x86x87 4y ago
  didn't want someone who moved fast and broke things? :)

catsarebetter 4y ago

I assumed it was a landing page test

netaustin 4y ago

This works well for me, too. My wife is a teacher. I appreciate her schedule and her outside perspective on my chunk of the tech industry, and the diversity of our perspectives makes us a better parenting team. I also appreciate the income diversification; I know lots of couples who have highly correlated salaries. Not a reason to choose a partner but something to try and de-risk if you’re in that position. Lastly, it’s nice to bounce product ideas off someone who is unimpressed by flashy features. This isn’t to say that I think developers dating developers is a bad idea, choosing a partner is the most personal possible choice and I’m glad to see an interesting new angle on it.

solardev 4y ago

Same... I've never dated another dev, but have dated people who were very similar in almost every way, and those never really worked out long term. My current partner, who I've been with the longest by far, is very different in all the ways except the ones that really matter (values, personality compatibility, emphasis on good communications and collaborative problem-solving). I appreciate the diversity and our different perspectives a lot, along with our ability to talk through differences together in a "we both win or we both lose" kinda dialogue, no shouting or anything, just a lot of back-and-forth sharing.

sterlind 4y ago

for programming, I totally agree. for science, it seems like it's a different story. there's numbers of famous teams of spouses who work side by side in the same field/lab. universities will even find a faculty position for your spouse if they want you enough. I'm biased perhaps, but I think science is fundamentally more interesting and rewarding than doing engineering for a FAANG. (disclaimer: I work for a FAANG but on more and more pure math stuff.)

solardev 4y ago
I would love to see more comparisons between the sciences and programming, and the kinds of people each attracts.

Fire-Dragon-DoL 4y ago

For some people, programming is one of their main hobbies outside from work. I have to actively push myself to avoid talking about work, I enjoy it.