4 ms·

I'm still very much an underling, and I resonate with the shallow bonds comment. At my previous role, I was friends with my colleagues. We went to the pub toget

I'm still very much an underling, and I resonate with the shallow bonds comment. At my previous role, I was friends with my colleagues. We went to the pub together after work, had each other around for parties, and invited each other to our weddings. Doing any of the above with my current team seems unimaginable - not because I don't like them, but because we've never had the opportunity to break that trust barrier over Teams or Zoom.

dickersnoodle 4y ago
What "trust barrier"?
toomuchtodo 4y ago
N=1. Colleagues are not my friends. We share a revenue source and common body of work, but my friends are outside of work for a reason. Under exceptional circumstances, a friendship bond that lasts beyond an employer might be established, but in my 20+ years in tech, it’s happened so few times I can count on one hand. And I prefer it that way.
- RestlessMind 4y ago
  I don’t think your parent commenter is talking about making “friends” at work. It came across as an environment with “friendly colleagues”, which is amazing to have and so far I haven’t seen those kind of work relations being built purely on Zoom.
  - toomuchtodo 4y ago
    Perhaps I’m just not seeing the benefit. You can absolutely have friendly, polite, cordial colleagues remote/over Zoom without being friends, no? In the decade I’ve been remote, across several orgs, this has been my experience. Friendly but not friends. A friend is someone I can expect to be there when I ask for or need personal help (and vice versa), not someone who shares their beer or hobby preferences over a Zoom 1:1. Deep bonds are forged in meaningful shared struggle (see military bootcamp for an example, where you are broken down and built back up together), not ephemeral employment.
    - toomuchtodo 4y ago
      Relevant thread to add to my thesis: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32040213 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32040213 https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jul/09/when-it-comes-to-banter-men-are-in-their-element-but-that-is-no-foundation-for-lasting-friendship https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jul/09/when-it...
    - thdespou 4y ago
      Second that.If you want friends then join a meetup or a club where you can talk about your interests and common goals. Work colleagues share only one interest which is the success of the business which does not necessarily mean that you would be having the same feelings as with a true friendship.

dickersnoodle 4y ago

What "trust barrier"?

toomuchtodo 4y ago

N=1. Colleagues are not my friends. We share a revenue source and common body of work, but my friends are outside of work for a reason. Under exceptional circumstances, a friendship bond that lasts beyond an employer might be established, but in my 20+ years in tech, it’s happened so few times I can count on one hand. And I prefer it that way.

RestlessMind 4y ago
I don’t think your parent commenter is talking about making “friends” at work. It came across as an environment with “friendly colleagues”, which is amazing to have and so far I haven’t seen those kind of work relations being built purely on Zoom.
- toomuchtodo 4y ago
  Perhaps I’m just not seeing the benefit. You can absolutely have friendly, polite, cordial colleagues remote/over Zoom without being friends, no? In the decade I’ve been remote, across several orgs, this has been my experience. Friendly but not friends. A friend is someone I can expect to be there when I ask for or need personal help (and vice versa), not someone who shares their beer or hobby preferences over a Zoom 1:1. Deep bonds are forged in meaningful shared struggle (see military bootcamp for an example, where you are broken down and built back up together), not ephemeral employment.
  - toomuchtodo 4y ago
    Relevant thread to add to my thesis: https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32040213 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=32040213 https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jul/09/when-it-comes-to-banter-men-are-in-their-element-but-that-is-no-foundation-for-lasting-friendship https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/jul/09/when-it...
  - thdespou 4y ago
    Second that.If you want friends then join a meetup or a club where you can talk about your interests and common goals. Work colleagues share only one interest which is the success of the business which does not necessarily mean that you would be having the same feelings as with a true friendship.