6 ms·

May I ask. As someone without children. Why not just educate your daughter on the topic of pedophiles? With that awareness, she can play whatever she wants.

by csin 4y ago

iecheruo 4y ago
Education helps a great deal but there is a reason 12 year olds don't hold office or run fortune 500 companies. In aggregate the judgement and maturity required to protect themselves from being exploited has not quite fully developed. It's why there are so many social and legal protections for children, they are just inherently vulnerable.
pfortuny 4y ago
They are children. By definition, they lack self-awareness, self-control and the ability to perceive risk and danger. Talking is good but not enough at all.
freedom-fries 4y ago
Fair question and I had too when I didn't have my own. The best way I can explain is - Think how stupid and emotionally strong is the average adult, now scale by a factor of what you think a person who has a fraction of experience and emotional strength. It becomes scarier once you factor in that kids' learning is not linear, and a 12-13 old kid is simultaneously dealing with hormonal changes as well and you have a situation that most parents can barely deal with!
- CamperBob2 4y ago
  Think how stupid and emotionally strong is the average adult, now scale by a factor of what you think a person who has a fraction of experience and emotional strength. Counterpoint: the very phenomenon you mention could be a consequence of overprotective parenting. By the age of 12, it's time to start explaining some uncomfortable things to your kids. Especially if you're going to let them interact with strangers (of any age) online.
  - tclancy 4y ago
    Not every kid is your kid, not every family is in your situation.
    - CamperBob2 4y ago
      Likewise, I'm sure.
nemothekid 4y ago
To add on to what others say, not only are children naive, but you have consider pedophiles as adversaries not unlike you would consider a skilled hacker. Just like a hacker may set up an entire company page and prepare a series a mock interviews just to get a senior engineer to open a malicious PDF; so will pedophiles who target children online. They don't wear an "I'm a pedophile badge", it starts with a slow build of confidence and trust that someone without experience will be vulnerable to.
- pavlov 4y ago
  This. The network of lies may be intricate. The child may believe to be interacting with someone their age that they come to consider their best friend. Think of the elaborate long-term deception that can be involved in regular heterosexual marriages. Some people have multiple families that don’t know about each other! Now consider what it can be like if that same dark energy is applied to lying to a child online.
- otikik 4y ago
  Also the kind of damage they make is worse. Companies can be rebuilt, money can be regained. Pedophiles start at “infancy trauma for your child” and goes up. As a parent, I would cut my own hand in order to spare my child from that. This is not an exaggeration.
FrancoisBosun 4y ago
Trust (2011) is a movie that shows us how the pedophile works. Trust is a movie about a 14 year old girl that falls prey to a man, and the process by which he got what he wanted. I highly recommend the movie. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1529572/ https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1529572/
hluska 4y ago
My ex and I just talked about this and for the record, we both like how you think. We have a six year old together and she has two older children from a previous relationship. We are going to: a.) Educate her on the general concept of pedophiles. b.) Arm her with specific tactics about specific communities. c.) Monitor. d.) Get her permission to constantly log into her accounts and play as her. I pray this is enough. :(
- NateEag 4y ago
  Why does your daughter need to be online? I simply don't understand that need. I'm thinking about introducing our eight year old to basic computational literacy, but I'm planning to have that be without any internet access at all. He can learn to type, write, program, do digital painting / photo editing, movie editing, sound editing, and 3D animation without general internet access. How is playing online multiplayer video games a need for a child? Even if you think it is for some reason I'm not seeing, why not have het play games where you can run a private server, so you have control over exactly who can log in and can keep an eye on things like chat logs?
  - PuppyTailWags 4y ago
    Children now engage in play and social dynamics online. If your child's peer group engages in online interactions with each other and your child does not, your child will risk the struggles of bullying and isolation. Children are forced to be with their peer group for most of their waking hours and practice social rituals like hierarchy establishment, identity formation, boundaries, in-group/out-group dynamics, etc. with each other.
    - NateEag 4y ago
      I can see how this could easily be an issue. It is mitigated somewhat by our homeschooling, I think, as well as the families we tend to hang out with having similar cultural values.
  - andsoitis 4y ago
    Your eight year old has never been online? Not even on your phone or at a friend’s house or at school?
Delphiza 4y ago
I our case, they didn't present as pedophiles (obviously). It was a kid that was the same age (obviously not). She believed that he was another kid with older siblings, that lived wherever, and was bullied at school. How does that seem like a pedophile? At some point he started threatening that he had a bigger brother that knew where she lived, but the nice kid would protect her... or something. Turned out that they were a ring operating out of Indonesia that would, at the right time hand over to locals. You can't educate kids to identify pedo's. Online and in Roblox they are exectly the same as them. With siblings, parents that stop them from doing stuff, and so on. There is nothing remarkable about them to educate kids or yourself about.
giomasce 4y ago
In addition to what has already bern written, notice that children and teenagers often need to test limits to define their own identity and independency. So there are good chances that prohibiting something is going to make it even more appalling to them. This is not bad on itself, I think it's a fundamental step of becoming young adults. And it doesn't mean parents can never trust children. But neither can they assume that what was discussed can be always given for granted.
xeromal 4y ago
Grown adults get catfished regularly. It's hard to expect a 12 year to fend for themselves for the more sly tricks.

May I ask. As someone without children. Why not just educate your daughter on the topic of pedophiles? With that awareness, she can play whatever she wants.

by csin 4y ago

May I ask. As someone without children. Why not just educate your daughter on the topic of pedophiles? With that awareness, she can play whatever she wants.

iecheruo 4y ago

Education helps a great deal but there is a reason 12 year olds don't hold office or run fortune 500 companies. In aggregate the judgement and maturity required to protect themselves from being exploited has not quite fully developed. It's why there are so many social and legal protections for children, they are just inherently vulnerable.

pfortuny 4y ago

They are children. By definition, they lack self-awareness, self-control and the ability to perceive risk and danger. Talking is good but not enough at all.

freedom-fries 4y ago

Fair question and I had too when I didn't have my own. The best way I can explain is - Think how stupid and emotionally strong is the average adult, now scale by a factor of what you think a person who has a fraction of experience and emotional strength. It becomes scarier once you factor in that kids' learning is not linear, and a 12-13 old kid is simultaneously dealing with hormonal changes as well and you have a situation that most parents can barely deal with!

CamperBob2 4y ago
Think how stupid and emotionally strong is the average adult, now scale by a factor of what you think a person who has a fraction of experience and emotional strength. Counterpoint: the very phenomenon you mention could be a consequence of overprotective parenting. By the age of 12, it's time to start explaining some uncomfortable things to your kids. Especially if you're going to let them interact with strangers (of any age) online.
- tclancy 4y ago
  Not every kid is your kid, not every family is in your situation.
  - CamperBob2 4y ago
    Likewise, I'm sure.

nemothekid 4y ago

To add on to what others say, not only are children naive, but you have consider pedophiles as adversaries not unlike you would consider a skilled hacker. Just like a hacker may set up an entire company page and prepare a series a mock interviews just to get a senior engineer to open a malicious PDF; so will pedophiles who target children online. They don't wear an "I'm a pedophile badge", it starts with a slow build of confidence and trust that someone without experience will be vulnerable to.

pavlov 4y ago
This. The network of lies may be intricate. The child may believe to be interacting with someone their age that they come to consider their best friend. Think of the elaborate long-term deception that can be involved in regular heterosexual marriages. Some people have multiple families that don’t know about each other! Now consider what it can be like if that same dark energy is applied to lying to a child online.
otikik 4y ago
Also the kind of damage they make is worse. Companies can be rebuilt, money can be regained. Pedophiles start at “infancy trauma for your child” and goes up. As a parent, I would cut my own hand in order to spare my child from that. This is not an exaggeration.

FrancoisBosun 4y ago

Trust (2011) is a movie that shows us how the pedophile works. Trust is a movie about a 14 year old girl that falls prey to a man, and the process by which he got what he wanted. I highly recommend the movie. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1529572/ https://www.imdb.com/title/tt1529572/

hluska 4y ago

My ex and I just talked about this and for the record, we both like how you think. We have a six year old together and she has two older children from a previous relationship. We are going to: a.) Educate her on the general concept of pedophiles. b.) Arm her with specific tactics about specific communities. c.) Monitor. d.) Get her permission to constantly log into her accounts and play as her. I pray this is enough. :(

NateEag 4y ago
Why does your daughter need to be online? I simply don't understand that need. I'm thinking about introducing our eight year old to basic computational literacy, but I'm planning to have that be without any internet access at all. He can learn to type, write, program, do digital painting / photo editing, movie editing, sound editing, and 3D animation without general internet access. How is playing online multiplayer video games a need for a child? Even if you think it is for some reason I'm not seeing, why not have het play games where you can run a private server, so you have control over exactly who can log in and can keep an eye on things like chat logs?
- PuppyTailWags 4y ago
  Children now engage in play and social dynamics online. If your child's peer group engages in online interactions with each other and your child does not, your child will risk the struggles of bullying and isolation. Children are forced to be with their peer group for most of their waking hours and practice social rituals like hierarchy establishment, identity formation, boundaries, in-group/out-group dynamics, etc. with each other.
  - NateEag 4y ago
    I can see how this could easily be an issue. It is mitigated somewhat by our homeschooling, I think, as well as the families we tend to hang out with having similar cultural values.
- andsoitis 4y ago
  Your eight year old has never been online? Not even on your phone or at a friend’s house or at school?

Delphiza 4y ago

I our case, they didn't present as pedophiles (obviously). It was a kid that was the same age (obviously not). She believed that he was another kid with older siblings, that lived wherever, and was bullied at school. How does that seem like a pedophile? At some point he started threatening that he had a bigger brother that knew where she lived, but the nice kid would protect her... or something. Turned out that they were a ring operating out of Indonesia that would, at the right time hand over to locals. You can't educate kids to identify pedo's. Online and in Roblox they are exectly the same as them. With siblings, parents that stop them from doing stuff, and so on. There is nothing remarkable about them to educate kids or yourself about.

giomasce 4y ago

In addition to what has already bern written, notice that children and teenagers often need to test limits to define their own identity and independency. So there are good chances that prohibiting something is going to make it even more appalling to them. This is not bad on itself, I think it's a fundamental step of becoming young adults. And it doesn't mean parents can never trust children. But neither can they assume that what was discussed can be always given for granted.

xeromal 4y ago

Grown adults get catfished regularly. It's hard to expect a 12 year to fend for themselves for the more sly tricks.