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Okay. Let me be more specific. I didn’t “grapple with the issue”. I had a panic attack and flashbacks. I dreaded the next session for two weeks. Vampires are

Okay. Let me be more specific. I didn’t “grapple with the issue”. I had a panic attack and flashbacks. I dreaded the next session for two weeks. Vampires are unique in having a single failed throw causing a character to permanently lose their agency and be under the direct mental control of a NPC. In this case, I was told to attack the rest of the party. I had a psychotic break where this exact thing happened to me. I got to watch myself hurt people I cared about. There are very close relationships that were destroyed. Some I will never be able to repair. Should I have said something? Yes. But I didn’t want to kicked out of the game. As far as being more resilient, I’m not. If I had known vampires could do that, I would have been fine. Now? If this happens to a character in another game, I will have to leave the game. Retconning wouldn’t help. I’ll heal in time. Might take a few months, but it may take years before I handle the situation again.

AlwaysRock 4y ago
That seems like a really terrible situation. I'm sorry you went through that.
- kayodelycaon 4y ago
  Yeah. It can be hard to explain. Most of the time, building resilience is the correct way to look at it. Life is filled with challenges and we don't grow if we don't face them. Trauma (psychological definition) does not work this way. It's like tearing a muscle. Immediately going back to lifting the same weight you did before just causes more damage. You have to work on healing the muscle, but you need to do it carefully.
ammanley 4y ago
I'm really glad you are taking care of yourself and found a way to navigate this (game) situation amicably. I've had this happen in both gaming and career context (didn't know what it was at the time) and boy did that set me off skelter for a few months. I hope you have a supportive non-judgmental network of people you trust to lean on. More resilience is common advice, but agree that its not a panacea for actual trauma. Love that it strikes in interviews for me... Be well friend!

AlwaysRock 4y ago

That seems like a really terrible situation. I'm sorry you went through that.

kayodelycaon 4y ago
Yeah. It can be hard to explain. Most of the time, building resilience is the correct way to look at it. Life is filled with challenges and we don't grow if we don't face them. Trauma (psychological definition) does not work this way. It's like tearing a muscle. Immediately going back to lifting the same weight you did before just causes more damage. You have to work on healing the muscle, but you need to do it carefully.

ammanley 4y ago

I'm really glad you are taking care of yourself and found a way to navigate this (game) situation amicably. I've had this happen in both gaming and career context (didn't know what it was at the time) and boy did that set me off skelter for a few months. I hope you have a supportive non-judgmental network of people you trust to lean on. More resilience is common advice, but agree that its not a panacea for actual trauma. Love that it strikes in interviews for me... Be well friend!