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I think it is disingenuous to tell kids that. Learning to disregard others’ opinions of you is a skill learned with time. The best way to teach that skill is to

I think it is disingenuous to tell kids that. Learning to disregard others’ opinions of you is a skill learned with time. The best way to teach that skill is to instill a sense of self worth and high self esteem in kids. Words very obviously do hurt kids, so to tell them that words don’t hurt is to disregard their feelings at best and call them a liar at worst. Understanding the complex web of emotions felt in response to stimuli is a central part of growing up and not something you can shortcut with platitudes.

s1artibartfast 4y ago
The obvious intent is forward moving, not retrospective. Nothing can change the past hurt. However, you can control your future emotions. Sticks and stones is not a full instruction set, but an introduction to the concept.
- atwood22 4y ago
  If you tell a kid that words shouldn't hurt them, but words do hurt them, then what other conclusion can they come to other than that they're emotionally deficient? Kids trust their parents. If parents say the world works in a certain way, then kids will believe that. Kids can have trouble reconciling things when a their observations disagree with what a trusted parent has told them. It's better to instill high self-esteem in a kid through positive reenforcement. When the kid is called stupid at school, the words don't hurt them because the kid knows they are, in fact, not stupid.
  - s1artibartfast 4y ago
    Like I said, it's not a full instruction set. It is a reminder that self-esteem should not be based on the opinions of others. More clearly needs to be done to instill self-esteem. That doesn't mean it's not a helpful reminder of the concept when one encounters derogatory feedback
    - atwood22 4y ago
      You keep saying "it's a reminder not a full instruction set." But what is the difference between a reminder and an instruction set? You're not responding to the main issue, which is that this "reminder" is incongruous with how the kid feels.
      - s1artibartfast 4y ago
        I'm not sure what part is confusing. Would you take the same concerns about telling a child: "When someone says something that makes you feel bad, remember the conversations we about how just because someone says something, it doesn't mean it is true. People will say things to try to hurt you, but they are just being mean and it isn't true. It reflects on them as a person, not you as a person. However, if someone physically hurts you, this is different." In my mind, "sticks & stones" is the same thing, but shorter and more memorable. >what is the difference between a reminder and an instruction set? Completeness. Question: How to find the direction of magnetic field induced by a current. Reminder: Use the right hand rule Instruction: Detail on how to use the right hand rule and what it means.
        atwood22 4y ago
        Your longer explanation would be much more meaningful to a child. Using your analogy, telling a child to "use the right hand rule" before you've explained (and they've internalized) the relationship between current and a magnetic field will not be helpful.
        s1artibartfast 4y ago
        I agree. I never intended to say is is a complete solution or a substitute for everything that goes into raising a child. That is why I say it is a reminder. Reminders, mantras, and catch phrases are useful to help internalize behavior.

s1artibartfast 4y ago

The obvious intent is forward moving, not retrospective. Nothing can change the past hurt. However, you can control your future emotions. Sticks and stones is not a full instruction set, but an introduction to the concept.

atwood22 4y ago
If you tell a kid that words shouldn't hurt them, but words do hurt them, then what other conclusion can they come to other than that they're emotionally deficient? Kids trust their parents. If parents say the world works in a certain way, then kids will believe that. Kids can have trouble reconciling things when a their observations disagree with what a trusted parent has told them. It's better to instill high self-esteem in a kid through positive reenforcement. When the kid is called stupid at school, the words don't hurt them because the kid knows they are, in fact, not stupid.
- s1artibartfast 4y ago
  Like I said, it's not a full instruction set. It is a reminder that self-esteem should not be based on the opinions of others. More clearly needs to be done to instill self-esteem. That doesn't mean it's not a helpful reminder of the concept when one encounters derogatory feedback
  - atwood22 4y ago
    You keep saying "it's a reminder not a full instruction set." But what is the difference between a reminder and an instruction set? You're not responding to the main issue, which is that this "reminder" is incongruous with how the kid feels.
    - s1artibartfast 4y ago
      I'm not sure what part is confusing. Would you take the same concerns about telling a child: "When someone says something that makes you feel bad, remember the conversations we about how just because someone says something, it doesn't mean it is true. People will say things to try to hurt you, but they are just being mean and it isn't true. It reflects on them as a person, not you as a person. However, if someone physically hurts you, this is different." In my mind, "sticks & stones" is the same thing, but shorter and more memorable. >what is the difference between a reminder and an instruction set? Completeness. Question: How to find the direction of magnetic field induced by a current. Reminder: Use the right hand rule Instruction: Detail on how to use the right hand rule and what it means.
      - atwood22 4y ago
        Your longer explanation would be much more meaningful to a child. Using your analogy, telling a child to "use the right hand rule" before you've explained (and they've internalized) the relationship between current and a magnetic field will not be helpful.
        s1artibartfast 4y ago
        I agree. I never intended to say is is a complete solution or a substitute for everything that goes into raising a child. That is why I say it is a reminder. Reminders, mantras, and catch phrases are useful to help internalize behavior.