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Don't worry if you think you are doing it 'wrong', you aren't - just because a book or person says that "the way to deal with x is y" doesn't mean it will work

Don't worry if you think you are doing it 'wrong', you aren't - just because a book or person says that "the way to deal with x is y" doesn't mean it will work for your kid - everyone is different, and we're all winging it! As others have said, make sure you carve out time for yourself and partner - I know it can be scary leaving them for the first time - but seriously, you both need it and it will only make it easier if you do. Talk about how you are feeling, a lot of people will instinctively ask how the mother is doing (perfectly normal thing to do) but often forget to ask how YOU are doing - you are in charge of a life now, so your brain is gonna be going 100mph figuring out how it all fits together. Talk about it. Don't buy expensive clothes for the first few years, its pointless. They will be destroyed or outgrown before the tags are off! Remember, they have no reasoning skills or fear. They are a bundle of love that will be moulded based on your input. They will look to you to see how they should (re)act. If they fall off the sofa and are fine, you have 2 choices how you react. Choose wisely! Oh, and get as much sleep now as you can, you're gonna need it (and won't have it for a while!) :D Edit: Also, they are fast! Amazingly so! Once they start crawling, they can be in a different part of the house before you have finished that sip of coffee you just took! Magnetic cupboard locks are great at keeping hands away from things.

DougN7 4y ago
+ to “we’re all winging it”. I tried so hard to gently mold and direct my kids (now all grown). I wanted more than anything for them to grow up with confidence (which I lacked as a kid). I tried hard to help them become what I thought everyone would define as “successful”. Pretty much none of it worked. They’ve turned out fine, but they’ve done it their way, on their time table. What I did right was (try to) show them a lot of love. Even that didn’t come through as well as I’d hoped. What I wish is that I had realized all this sooner and just relaxed and enjoyed the time more.
- TedDoesntTalk 4y ago
  > Even that didn’t come through as well as I’d hoped In what way?
denton-scratch 4y ago
> we're all winging it! This. Everyone has to do it for the first time; most people never do it more than twice. Kids are incredibly resilient against mediochre parenting (but having an arsehole for a parent can seriously fuck you up, so if you're an arsehole please don't be a parent).
muzani 4y ago
> we're all winging it My mother has a PhD in child psychology from Harvard. My dad did psychology at Harvard too. They never quite figured it out. The science gets the phenomena accurately - terrible twos, babies worried that their parents have disappeared, etc. But it doesn't do a good job od telling you what to do. I think the theory actually gets in the way, because there are situations where something applies to 95% of children, and your child is part of the significant 5% which it doesn't. But it's helped a lot to know that someone as educated as my mom can get it tough, that means winging it isn't so bad.

DougN7 4y ago

+ to “we’re all winging it”. I tried so hard to gently mold and direct my kids (now all grown). I wanted more than anything for them to grow up with confidence (which I lacked as a kid). I tried hard to help them become what I thought everyone would define as “successful”. Pretty much none of it worked. They’ve turned out fine, but they’ve done it their way, on their time table. What I did right was (try to) show them a lot of love. Even that didn’t come through as well as I’d hoped. What I wish is that I had realized all this sooner and just relaxed and enjoyed the time more.

TedDoesntTalk 4y ago
> Even that didn’t come through as well as I’d hoped In what way?

denton-scratch 4y ago

> we're all winging it! This. Everyone has to do it for the first time; most people never do it more than twice. Kids are incredibly resilient against mediochre parenting (but having an arsehole for a parent can seriously fuck you up, so if you're an arsehole please don't be a parent).

muzani 4y ago

> we're all winging it My mother has a PhD in child psychology from Harvard. My dad did psychology at Harvard too. They never quite figured it out. The science gets the phenomena accurately - terrible twos, babies worried that their parents have disappeared, etc. But it doesn't do a good job od telling you what to do. I think the theory actually gets in the way, because there are situations where something applies to 95% of children, and your child is part of the significant 5% which it doesn't. But it's helped a lot to know that someone as educated as my mom can get it tough, that means winging it isn't so bad.