4 ms·

Great question. Read the answers but remember that it's wildly different for everybody. That said: The life and death matters (sorry): - Never shake your kid,

Great question. Read the answers but remember that it's wildly different for everybody. That said: The life and death matters (sorry): - Never shake your kid, ever - Sudden infant death is partly genetic (not your risk/fault), but still: no toys, pillows, plush animals in the crib -> risk of suffocating The luxury matters: - Breastfeeding does make a difference. If you can manage, try to do it - Don't worry. Whatever happens at any point, it's going to be very different soon. Your kid cries a lot / doesn't talk yet / is not dry yet? It will change soon and you'll forget that you even worried about it. - Adding to before: Don't project into the future. What is now is not indicative of the future - A lot of things are outside your control. Don't try to control them all, it only grinds you up - Almost all your challenges are going to be emotional, not rational. Try to invest in empathy, care for all three of your family - Music is magic. Sing for your kid. Don't worry, it doesn't know or care what good/bad singing is - Body contact is magic. Hold your kid close to your skin as much as possible - Some people think kids are inherently evil and need to be broken. Some people think kids are inherently good and need to be left to their own devices completely. Both are wrong: Kids need guidance but want respect. - Take your kid seriously, always. Even as a toddler. Obligatory medical stuff: - The most frequent injuries are toddler fractures (careful with trampolines) and elbow subluxations. When you hold your kid's hand and they fall, try not to pull and twist the arm or the joint will pop out. If it does, don't worry, it doesn't hurt, but go see a doctor within a few hours to pop it back in. The longer you wait the harder it gets. - If there's a fever and it's really tough, you can alternate ibuprofen and tylenol up to every 3 hours. Take care to use fractional doses by weight. Always have some sort of NSAID in your house. That's a small selection. Maybe you won't encounter them, but maybe you will, and maybe they'll help. Having a kid is a challenge, but it makes life much more.

sul_tasto 4y ago
Also, if your child is taking an antibiotic, say for an ear infection, don’t give them milk and medicine at the same time. It upsets their stomach, and they will vomit it all back up… and then some.
- uniqueuid 4y ago
  To add - most people don't take antibiotics seriously. Please do take all of your subscription as long as your doctor says you should. Otherwise, you're breeding resistant germs.
  - HL33tibCe7 4y ago
    Everyone should listen to the advice of their doctors. But I just thought I’d point out that the evidence that unconditionally finishing an entire course of antibiotics actually is necessary turns out to be very poor: https://www.bmj.com/content/358/bmj.j3418 https://www.bmj.com/content/358/bmj.j3418 If you think about it, it doesn’t really make sense. Prolonging an antibiotic course will increase, not decrease, the chance of organisms becoming resistant, and finishing a course of an antibiotic will by definition not kill resistant organisms anyway.
    - uniqueuid 4y ago
      Thanks, I didn't know this. My doctors' unilateral stance was in favor of fixed treatment durations. The paper you linked reads more like an opinion piece to me (not my field, cannot judge), but it points to this meta-analysis [1] which supports your argument. Surprising that so few studies seem to exist on this link (~20 in the meta analysis). [1] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20483949/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20483949/
      - derwiki 4y ago
        I don’t go to the doctor often, but after having a kid, WOW you will get wildly different “best practices” from different doctors. Try to not over index on one physician’s advice.
bretthoerner 4y ago
This is a great list. I'm going to ride your coat tails with some of my favorites. I'm a father of 3 little ones, FWIW. - Take all parenting advice with a grain of salt, everyone's sample size is too low. - (Related) Each kid is very different. It's kind of wild how different they are and mine are still very little. - By default you're likely to raise your kids as the average of how you and your spouse were raised. If either of you didn't like your upbringing you probably want to consider some kind of outside help to change your course sooner rather than later. - OP said "It hasn't really sunk in yet" -- I just wanted to say this was the same for me. For all three kids! I was aware my wife was pregnant but it never really clicked until the baby was there. - Months 1-3 were my least favorite. A tiny infant is a sort of alien, and very fragile. Somewhere around 3-6 months they'll look at you and smile and your heart will melt. - You'll be fine!
- sansjoe 4y ago
  ^ Take all parenting advice with a grain of salt, everyone's sample size is too low. 100% concur and well said! ^ Months 1-3 were my least favorite. A tiny infant is a sort of alien, and very fragile. Somewhere around 3-6 months they'll look at you and smile and your heart will melt. Can't remember if it was 3, 6, 9 or 12 months but yeah. I've always told soon-to-be parents not to be surprised that it doesn't feel like a real person on day 1. And that the first 6-12 months are largely janitorial.
schwartzworld 4y ago
> Breastfeeding does make a difference. The difference it makes is measurable, but there are lots of other factors. On a macro scale, it absolutely makes sense to encourage breastfeeding, but mothers who can't or don't want to nurse can feel a lot of pressure and shame about it. Nursing feels like a big decision, but on an individual scale the only thing that's important is: is the baby getting their nutritional needs met. And formula does that just fine.
- TedDoesntTalk 4y ago
  > is the baby getting their nutritional needs met. And formula does that just fine. Formula does not seed and nourish their gut microbiome. Look it up.
- AlexTrask 4y ago
  In my experience with nursing everybody plans this as a binary election nursing / formula when you can mix it and do 80% nursing 20% formula
uniqueuid 4y ago
Oh I forgot one important thing: When you become a parent, you suddenly join an invisible world-wide club. Parents empathize and help each other instinctively in many cases. People will come to your aid when you would never expect it. Accept the help. And pass it on when you see others struggling.
- itsmemattchung 4y ago
  After having my first child, I have nothing but empathy for all other parents. Prior to stepping into father hood, I would (naively and constantly) judge other parents, telling myself I would never raise my kid like that. Nope. We all have constraints: familial support, financial support, etc. We're all really doing the best we can.
rfmpie 4y ago
> Don't project into the future. What is now is not indicative of the future For me, this is key. The early years were hard on me. I’m a hobby-driven introvert, and having kids felt like a major sacrifice of the personal time I was used to. I learned a lot about myself and my needs in the process. I loved my kids more than anything, but I also teetered on regret for some time. I’d see other dads seem to revel in parenthood and be unequivocally joyful in their decision, and I’d feel ashamed. I feared I wasn’t cut out to be a parent. Now my kids are 5 and 8, and it’s completely different. Parenting has become much more fun and fulfilling. I look forward to weekends with my kids, chatting with them, encouraging their interests, taking family vacations, family movie nights, and so on. They still drive us nuts on a regular basis, but it's a joyful life, and it’s night and day from the toddler years. Hopefully you’ll have a smile on your face all the way through! But to the extent you don’t, remember that it’s always changing. Some stages change in weeks or months, others take years. Hang in there, do the best you can, and take it a day at a time. Also: Be honest with yourself and your partner about your needs. I always was reluctant to ask for alone time because my wife is an extrovert. But I needed it to be a decent human. My wife and I both learned this the hard way. ;) Congratulations! This is the biggest and most important adventure you can take. <3
- stanski 4y ago
  > For me, this is key. The early years were hard on me. I’m a hobby-driven introvert, and having kids felt like a major sacrifice of the personal time I was used to. I learned a lot about myself and my needs in the process. > I loved my kids more than anything, but I also teetered on regret for some time. Basically my issue right now but it's getting better with time. That said, it's hard to imagine ever taking the plunge with a second one (even if we weren't too old for that anyway).
ruh-roh 4y ago
> Don't project into the future. What is now is not indicative of the future. This is fantastic. Nobody cares that the neighbor kid started walking at 8 months while yours hasn't yet. It doesn't mean anything. You'll barely remember yourself in a year or two.

sul_tasto 4y ago

Also, if your child is taking an antibiotic, say for an ear infection, don’t give them milk and medicine at the same time. It upsets their stomach, and they will vomit it all back up… and then some.

uniqueuid 4y ago
To add - most people don't take antibiotics seriously. Please do take all of your subscription as long as your doctor says you should. Otherwise, you're breeding resistant germs.
- HL33tibCe7 4y ago
  Everyone should listen to the advice of their doctors. But I just thought I’d point out that the evidence that unconditionally finishing an entire course of antibiotics actually is necessary turns out to be very poor: https://www.bmj.com/content/358/bmj.j3418 https://www.bmj.com/content/358/bmj.j3418 If you think about it, it doesn’t really make sense. Prolonging an antibiotic course will increase, not decrease, the chance of organisms becoming resistant, and finishing a course of an antibiotic will by definition not kill resistant organisms anyway.
  - uniqueuid 4y ago
    Thanks, I didn't know this. My doctors' unilateral stance was in favor of fixed treatment durations. The paper you linked reads more like an opinion piece to me (not my field, cannot judge), but it points to this meta-analysis [1] which supports your argument. Surprising that so few studies seem to exist on this link (~20 in the meta analysis). [1] https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20483949/ https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/20483949/
    - derwiki 4y ago
      I don’t go to the doctor often, but after having a kid, WOW you will get wildly different “best practices” from different doctors. Try to not over index on one physician’s advice.

bretthoerner 4y ago

This is a great list. I'm going to ride your coat tails with some of my favorites. I'm a father of 3 little ones, FWIW. - Take all parenting advice with a grain of salt, everyone's sample size is too low. - (Related) Each kid is very different. It's kind of wild how different they are and mine are still very little. - By default you're likely to raise your kids as the average of how you and your spouse were raised. If either of you didn't like your upbringing you probably want to consider some kind of outside help to change your course sooner rather than later. - OP said "It hasn't really sunk in yet" -- I just wanted to say this was the same for me. For all three kids! I was aware my wife was pregnant but it never really clicked until the baby was there. - Months 1-3 were my least favorite. A tiny infant is a sort of alien, and very fragile. Somewhere around 3-6 months they'll look at you and smile and your heart will melt. - You'll be fine!

sansjoe 4y ago
^ Take all parenting advice with a grain of salt, everyone's sample size is too low. 100% concur and well said! ^ Months 1-3 were my least favorite. A tiny infant is a sort of alien, and very fragile. Somewhere around 3-6 months they'll look at you and smile and your heart will melt. Can't remember if it was 3, 6, 9 or 12 months but yeah. I've always told soon-to-be parents not to be surprised that it doesn't feel like a real person on day 1. And that the first 6-12 months are largely janitorial.

schwartzworld 4y ago

> Breastfeeding does make a difference. The difference it makes is measurable, but there are lots of other factors. On a macro scale, it absolutely makes sense to encourage breastfeeding, but mothers who can't or don't want to nurse can feel a lot of pressure and shame about it. Nursing feels like a big decision, but on an individual scale the only thing that's important is: is the baby getting their nutritional needs met. And formula does that just fine.

TedDoesntTalk 4y ago
> is the baby getting their nutritional needs met. And formula does that just fine. Formula does not seed and nourish their gut microbiome. Look it up.
AlexTrask 4y ago
In my experience with nursing everybody plans this as a binary election nursing / formula when you can mix it and do 80% nursing 20% formula

uniqueuid 4y ago

Oh I forgot one important thing: When you become a parent, you suddenly join an invisible world-wide club. Parents empathize and help each other instinctively in many cases. People will come to your aid when you would never expect it. Accept the help. And pass it on when you see others struggling.

itsmemattchung 4y ago
After having my first child, I have nothing but empathy for all other parents. Prior to stepping into father hood, I would (naively and constantly) judge other parents, telling myself I would never raise my kid like that. Nope. We all have constraints: familial support, financial support, etc. We're all really doing the best we can.

rfmpie 4y ago

> Don't project into the future. What is now is not indicative of the future For me, this is key. The early years were hard on me. I’m a hobby-driven introvert, and having kids felt like a major sacrifice of the personal time I was used to. I learned a lot about myself and my needs in the process. I loved my kids more than anything, but I also teetered on regret for some time. I’d see other dads seem to revel in parenthood and be unequivocally joyful in their decision, and I’d feel ashamed. I feared I wasn’t cut out to be a parent. Now my kids are 5 and 8, and it’s completely different. Parenting has become much more fun and fulfilling. I look forward to weekends with my kids, chatting with them, encouraging their interests, taking family vacations, family movie nights, and so on. They still drive us nuts on a regular basis, but it's a joyful life, and it’s night and day from the toddler years. Hopefully you’ll have a smile on your face all the way through! But to the extent you don’t, remember that it’s always changing. Some stages change in weeks or months, others take years. Hang in there, do the best you can, and take it a day at a time. Also: Be honest with yourself and your partner about your needs. I always was reluctant to ask for alone time because my wife is an extrovert. But I needed it to be a decent human. My wife and I both learned this the hard way. ;) Congratulations! This is the biggest and most important adventure you can take. <3

stanski 4y ago
> For me, this is key. The early years were hard on me. I’m a hobby-driven introvert, and having kids felt like a major sacrifice of the personal time I was used to. I learned a lot about myself and my needs in the process. > I loved my kids more than anything, but I also teetered on regret for some time. Basically my issue right now but it's getting better with time. That said, it's hard to imagine ever taking the plunge with a second one (even if we weren't too old for that anyway).

ruh-roh 4y ago

> Don't project into the future. What is now is not indicative of the future. This is fantastic. Nobody cares that the neighbor kid started walking at 8 months while yours hasn't yet. It doesn't mean anything. You'll barely remember yourself in a year or two.