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A good friend of mine once told me: "You can be a great mother or a great career woman. You can't be great at both." She's now a SVP at a well-known company, bu
by assttoasstmgr 4y ago
A good friend of mine once told me: "You can be a great mother or a great career woman. You can't be great at both." She's now a SVP at a well-known company, but got there by making a conscious decision to forgo raising a family of her own. You seem like a very busy person, so I have to ask: are you prepared to give it all up? Or are you just looking to check off a box of life's accomplishments, like a project manager sifting through the backlog in a frantic panic? Because if you're out of story points to assign you can't do it all.
Are you prepared to be the young lady I saw in the grocery store this evening - holding an infant in one arm and pushing the shopping carriage with the other, with a sweaty look of defeat on her face? If the answer is no, then don't have children. Sadly I think you have bought into the myth that you can have your cake and eat it too. I'm sure someone will reply with countless examples of how it is possible, but I ask are those examples of great parents, or are they examples of people who own children? Having a child and raising a family is a lifelong commitment. You need to give it your all. If you're doing it for the wrong reasons, bragging rights, because it was a life 'goal' etc.; the child, and by extension society, will suffer for it. You can still have a very fulfilling life.
My personal opinion - outsourcing your child's rearing to a full time nanny or dumping them off to childcare as many busy people do - is harmful to the child's development. Anecdotally speaking, some of the most successful people I know also have some of the most f--ked up kids I've ever seen. It's because they're never around to raise and discipline them properly.
- freedom2099 4y agoI don’t agree… my mother was/is a career woman and is a great mother (she is 72 and just retired whilst I am 36). And I grew up with great mental health and high self esteem! I did well in school and university and have a job that pays well and leaves me with plenty of free time! I am also merrier with my high school sweetheart (20yo relationship) with our fist kid on the way… can’t really say my parents (both career people) did a poor job!
- actfrench 4y agoI have to say I agree. I work with some really high profile families with very successful moms and dads who are actively involved in their kid's lives. I think it's problematic to expect women to "do it all," but it's not impossible to have a meaningful career and also be a great, involved parent. Can also go the other way, of course.
- horns4lyfe 4y agoPeople always parrot that advice as if it’s a fact, when there are ample counter examples out there in the world.