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Yeah, I’m afraid I might be the red flag ! That said, I spent most of my twenties processing being abandoned by my dad and fear of sexual assault due to that be
by actfrench 4y ago
Yeah, I’m afraid I might be the red flag ! That said, I spent most of my twenties processing being abandoned by my dad and fear of sexual assault due to that being part of the history of women in my family. So I didn’t really start dating with an open mind until my thirties- and that was in nyc which is notoriously bad for women. But probably I still have a little red flag :) one guy asked me on a date why “the beautiful one hadn’t been taken.” I was like, um, I’m not sure I knew I was for sale ? :) love divorced guys though. And love you for being so active in this discussion ! I’m inviting you to my wedding metadat:)
- whydoineedthis 4y agoSo he complimented you, and you twisted it such that he implied you're a whore instead? Interesting.
- metadat 4y agoIt's called "negging", and manipulators use this tactic all the time. Most commonly against women. Gross is an understatement for this breed of human.
- actfrench 4y agoI’m very confused
- actfrench 4y agoOh ok. No, I didn’t think he was implying I was a whore. That’s what you read into it. I took odds with the language implying that I was a piece of property to be “taken.” But I was very gracious. Don’t worry. Good thoughts !
- somenewaccount1 4y agoI'm not comment OP, but you literally said "I was like, um, I’m not sure I knew I was for SALE?" A women for sale is pretty much a whore, so it doesn't seem they read into rather than taking you literally. But even regardless, the fact that you took his word 'taken' in a literal sense rather than the compliment it was intended as, and here your defending it again rather than reflecting. If your crossing off guys because they compliment you with common colloquial phrases that you take literally and negatively, well, you will indeed have a short list of suiters.
- actfrench 4y agoHow would you feel on a date if a woman asked, "why have you not been taken?"
- D13Fd 4y agoImpossible to answer. Social cues are tough. It all depends on how it was said and how it was meant - could be a totally innocuous comment or something to be concerned about. For some people, “why have you not been taken” may mean nothing more than “I really like you and I can’t believe you are available.”
- somenewaccount1 4y agoIf we have been chatting friendly for a while already, then flattered. It's clearly implying that from their perspective I appear to be very desirable. And if it was a serious question asked early on, I would probably reply with something I don't like about myself, a weakness, if you will. It's not an entirely unreasonable question.
- _tom_ 4y agoOk, don't take this wrong. I'm rooting for you. But there's the red flag. He said something that's a common expression, "taken", which is used for both men and women. It was clearly intended to be a compliment. You chose an unlikely interpretation that clearly didn't match intent or common usage and decided to get offended about it. After all your self description, I was wondering "how is she single?" Right there, now I understand. I'd be out the door. Someone that is looking HARD for ways to be offended is not relationship material. Think about your need to assign your meanings to other people's words. Maybe talk to a professional. This one thing can sink you. Good luck!
- deleted 4y ago[deleted]
- metadat 4y agoEveryone has some flags, but I thought you said you'd had a boyfriend from an app before? If it was more than a purely physical relationship, I think you're off the hook :) > And love you for being so active in this discussion ! I’m inviting you to my wedding metadat:) Aww I'm honored, and FYI- I literally just sent out the invites for mine this coming August :D Cheers!