4 ms·

Dating is only one way to find someone, it's definitely not the only way. I'm not American and nobody I know in a committed relationship, not a single one (eve

by Youden 4y ago

Dating is only one way to find someone, it's definitely not the only way. I'm not American and nobody I know in a committed relationship, not a single one (even the Americans I know), met their partner through dating (where I'm defining "dating" as meeting with strangers or near-strangers with the intent of evaluating a possible romantic connection). For the most part, my own relationship and the relationships around me started as friendships. People encounter others organically, through some hobby, club, group, event with a mutual friend or something like that. They talk a bit, they (platonically) like each other, they (platonically) hang out just because they enjoy each other's company. Only after properly getting to know each other (think years, not weeks or months) is romance considered. So I'd suggest that instead of going broad but incredibly shallow with over a hundred meetings with strangers, try going narrow but deep. Try to make a few male friends that you know and feel comfortable with and see if you find yourself wanting more from any of them. Even if you don't find romance from any of them, you end up with more friends. They likely have friends of their own that you can also befriend and the cycle continues.

paulryanrogers 4y ago
What culture is this, if I may ask?
actfrench 4y ago
I am going to do this. I intuitively feel that this is the right path forward for me. Kissing someone I just met oj a dating app is super weird and creepy to me. I will let you know how it goes. Thanks, friend :)
- _tom_ 4y ago
  Socializing beats dating apps! 1. Do things you like 2. Where would the guy you want to date go to socialize?
  - actfrench 4y ago
    Good question! I think the guy I'd love would be a generous nerd, who is more handsome than he realizes. So maybe I'd go to hackathons or volunteer at soup kitchens. What do you think?
    - _tom_ 4y ago
      I think you'd get very different people at those two. Perhaps stereotyping, but do you want more career driven or socially driven? I've met some really interesting people at maker spaces. Never dated anyone there. I always thought habitat for humanity would be cool/useful/fun/have interesting people, but they don't do it around here. I haven't been, but you might try https://austinswingsyndicate.org/ https://austinswingsyndicate.org/ I always make better friends when I'd go places regularly. When I was younger, I'd hop around to a new place frequently. I didn't build lasting friendships this way. Find something you'd like to do for a while. Volunteering to help out at events can lead to meeting more people.
- nicbou 4y ago
  I think it's just healthier. You go out and have a good time. Getting a date is just icing on the cake. You do online dating, anything short of success is a failure. Plus you get to vet people before creating any expectations of an outcome.
- Seb-C 4y ago
  My own experience is that I met my now wife right after I ditched dating apps and decided to enjoy life with friends instead. Or to be precise, I met her before that, but didn't care to speak and socialize with her. Dating apps never worked to me because I was inexperienced and wanted to take my time to get to know the person (I mean like meeting a few times over a few weeks or months), but on dating apps there is this commonly shared nonsense that the first date and impression must all be perfect, or it's doomed. My advice would be to make friends, spend as much time as you can outside (or meetups when friends are not an option) meeting random people in various contexts. Also a couple of considerations: - Love at first sight is a trap. It is more likely that 'the one' will seem 'meh' to you at first. You need to meet people multiple times to get to know them. - Don't only meet people that are potential dating material. It is very important not to have this mindset, because it affects your behavior and image negatively. Socializing with people of both genders and all ages is also a very important part of that.
- NylaTheWolf 4y ago
  While reading your post I was thinking the same thing but the parent comment put it a lot more elegantly than I could lmao. I don't really have a lot of advice because a) I'm quite young and I've never dated someone and b) I don't really want kids, but I'm replying to let you know that I wish you all the best!
  - actfrench 4y ago
    You are a love. Thank you so much for your encouragement.
    - birksherty 4y ago
      Sorry for hijacking the comment. This is not specifically for you. I think all people should try to adopt instead of procreating. Having child by procreation is kind of selfish if you think, the child never asked for it, but we are forcing them to exist and go though all the problems of life. Bringing them to consciousness just to satisfy our needs and goals. Nobody reproduces by thinking anything beneficial for the child. There is also uncertain future now. By contrast, there are plenty of kids who are alone and would be grateful if someone gives the the love of parents. There are already here, no need to bring more. Why is having shared genes is necessary if you just want to love a child?
deleted 4y ago
[deleted]
scotty79 4y ago
I think it's more like trying to build your love than search for it. Might work. It works with happiness.

by Youden 4y ago

paulryanrogers 4y ago

What culture is this, if I may ask?

actfrench 4y ago

I am going to do this. I intuitively feel that this is the right path forward for me. Kissing someone I just met oj a dating app is super weird and creepy to me. I will let you know how it goes. Thanks, friend :)

_tom_ 4y ago
Socializing beats dating apps! 1. Do things you like 2. Where would the guy you want to date go to socialize?
- actfrench 4y ago
  Good question! I think the guy I'd love would be a generous nerd, who is more handsome than he realizes. So maybe I'd go to hackathons or volunteer at soup kitchens. What do you think?
  - _tom_ 4y ago
    I think you'd get very different people at those two. Perhaps stereotyping, but do you want more career driven or socially driven? I've met some really interesting people at maker spaces. Never dated anyone there. I always thought habitat for humanity would be cool/useful/fun/have interesting people, but they don't do it around here. I haven't been, but you might try https://austinswingsyndicate.org/ https://austinswingsyndicate.org/ I always make better friends when I'd go places regularly. When I was younger, I'd hop around to a new place frequently. I didn't build lasting friendships this way. Find something you'd like to do for a while. Volunteering to help out at events can lead to meeting more people.
nicbou 4y ago
I think it's just healthier. You go out and have a good time. Getting a date is just icing on the cake. You do online dating, anything short of success is a failure. Plus you get to vet people before creating any expectations of an outcome.
Seb-C 4y ago
My own experience is that I met my now wife right after I ditched dating apps and decided to enjoy life with friends instead. Or to be precise, I met her before that, but didn't care to speak and socialize with her. Dating apps never worked to me because I was inexperienced and wanted to take my time to get to know the person (I mean like meeting a few times over a few weeks or months), but on dating apps there is this commonly shared nonsense that the first date and impression must all be perfect, or it's doomed. My advice would be to make friends, spend as much time as you can outside (or meetups when friends are not an option) meeting random people in various contexts. Also a couple of considerations: - Love at first sight is a trap. It is more likely that 'the one' will seem 'meh' to you at first. You need to meet people multiple times to get to know them. - Don't only meet people that are potential dating material. It is very important not to have this mindset, because it affects your behavior and image negatively. Socializing with people of both genders and all ages is also a very important part of that.
NylaTheWolf 4y ago
While reading your post I was thinking the same thing but the parent comment put it a lot more elegantly than I could lmao. I don't really have a lot of advice because a) I'm quite young and I've never dated someone and b) I don't really want kids, but I'm replying to let you know that I wish you all the best!
- actfrench 4y ago
  You are a love. Thank you so much for your encouragement.
  - birksherty 4y ago
    Sorry for hijacking the comment. This is not specifically for you. I think all people should try to adopt instead of procreating. Having child by procreation is kind of selfish if you think, the child never asked for it, but we are forcing them to exist and go though all the problems of life. Bringing them to consciousness just to satisfy our needs and goals. Nobody reproduces by thinking anything beneficial for the child. There is also uncertain future now. By contrast, there are plenty of kids who are alone and would be grateful if someone gives the the love of parents. There are already here, no need to bring more. Why is having shared genes is necessary if you just want to love a child?

deleted 4y ago

[deleted]

scotty79 4y ago

I think it's more like trying to build your love than search for it. Might work. It works with happiness.