4 ms·

I’m actually really open to giving people a second chance and getting to know them. When I have a reason that someone is not a fit I sanity check it with my fri

I’m actually really open to giving people a second chance and getting to know them. When I have a reason that someone is not a fit I sanity check it with my friend. Im not the kind of person who dismisses agit for superficial reasons like lack of a college degree, socially awkward, height or slightly overweight. I try to be compassionate and see the good in people. I’ve endured a lot of negative treatment from men and I have to hope that connecting with someone im attracted to who is kind and honest and there for me is not too picky.

whydoineedthis 4y ago
You turn down 90% of the men who ask, with a relatively large sample of 120 men....so are you saying 90% of men are dishonest and unkind? No offences, but you and your friends may be misjudging people. Based on who you have said you dated, I agree with you that the issue isn't the height of your standard, but it may be with the measuring tools your using to guage them.
artificialLimbs 4y ago
I don't even know where to start with that reply. "...second chance..." You're keeping a tally? ".. I sanity check it with my friend." You have the capability of discernment on your own, and you should engage with owning your own power and capabilities. Going to a friend is you trying to export the potential guilt/shame/pain/whatever-negative-feeling-you're-avoiding out to a 3rd party as a safety valve so you don't have to deal with it when the (surprise!) inevitable happens because there are now no consequences for your actions. "I'm not the kind of person..." Whatever was in the rest of that sentence, you should try to be that kind of person for a while. To get some perspective. "I try to be compassionate and see the good in people." Oh this is a giant red flag. If you feel compelled to wave this banner around (especially in public), as though other people 'are not' this, it is because you likely have a crushing amount of guilt from being judgmental about others. "I've endured a lot of negative treatment from men" You mean like they beat and rape you, or they call you names and yell at you? There is a chasm of difference between these two things. If you're summoning assholes from the first group, god help you. I hope you can find a mentor that can restore your confidence and you can come to know that you intrinsically have worth that is outside of whatever horribleness you are encountering in the world. If you attract men who are verbally/psychologically abusive, then I would suppose there is a reason you are attracting those kind of men. Maybe you are a negative, spoiled, titty baby who constantly plays the victim card and incessantly puts the blame for your situation on others because you're afraid of responsibility. Maybe you've lost (or were never taught) the value of having gratitude, even (and especially) during trouble. Your expectations of people are worthless, no, worse, they are actively destructive to your relationships. Any expectations of people are that. Assume all responsibility, even for others, yourself, or continue driving in circles.
- dang 4y ago
  I'm late to this, but this comment crossed well into personal attack and is the kind of thing we ban accounts for. Please review https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and stick to the rules in the future. You broke quite a few of them here.

whydoineedthis 4y ago

You turn down 90% of the men who ask, with a relatively large sample of 120 men....so are you saying 90% of men are dishonest and unkind? No offences, but you and your friends may be misjudging people. Based on who you have said you dated, I agree with you that the issue isn't the height of your standard, but it may be with the measuring tools your using to guage them.

artificialLimbs 4y ago

I don't even know where to start with that reply. "...second chance..." You're keeping a tally? ".. I sanity check it with my friend." You have the capability of discernment on your own, and you should engage with owning your own power and capabilities. Going to a friend is you trying to export the potential guilt/shame/pain/whatever-negative-feeling-you're-avoiding out to a 3rd party as a safety valve so you don't have to deal with it when the (surprise!) inevitable happens because there are now no consequences for your actions. "I'm not the kind of person..." Whatever was in the rest of that sentence, you should try to be that kind of person for a while. To get some perspective. "I try to be compassionate and see the good in people." Oh this is a giant red flag. If you feel compelled to wave this banner around (especially in public), as though other people 'are not' this, it is because you likely have a crushing amount of guilt from being judgmental about others. "I've endured a lot of negative treatment from men" You mean like they beat and rape you, or they call you names and yell at you? There is a chasm of difference between these two things. If you're summoning assholes from the first group, god help you. I hope you can find a mentor that can restore your confidence and you can come to know that you intrinsically have worth that is outside of whatever horribleness you are encountering in the world. If you attract men who are verbally/psychologically abusive, then I would suppose there is a reason you are attracting those kind of men. Maybe you are a negative, spoiled, titty baby who constantly plays the victim card and incessantly puts the blame for your situation on others because you're afraid of responsibility. Maybe you've lost (or were never taught) the value of having gratitude, even (and especially) during trouble. Your expectations of people are worthless, no, worse, they are actively destructive to your relationships. Any expectations of people are that. Assume all responsibility, even for others, yourself, or continue driving in circles.

dang 4y ago
I'm late to this, but this comment crossed well into personal attack and is the kind of thing we ban accounts for. Please review https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html https://news.ycombinator.com/newsguidelines.html and stick to the rules in the future. You broke quite a few of them here.