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I've noticed a lot of folks think they can't afford children when they absolutely can. But they have unrealistic expectations about housing, daycare, and educa

I've noticed a lot of folks think they can't afford children when they absolutely can. But they have unrealistic expectations about housing, daycare, and education. Housing: children used to be expected to share rooms. Now it's not the norm -- but there's no reason it can't become the norm again. When you talk to your parents or grandparents, they often had large families living in tiny houses. Daycare: children used to be tended to by family members or religious communities. Now we isolate ourselves from family by moving far away, don't join communities (religious or otherwise), and for whatever reason don't ask mom and dad for help with the kids. Also, the age at which we trust children to stay at home without supervision has risen over time. These are all choices we're making that make children much more expensive. Education: k-12 is free in the US, but lots of folks want private education for their kids. That's fine, I do too, but I realize it's not a required cost. University is definitely expensive, but loans are widely available. And, of course, not every child needs to go to an elite university. These are the choices making it difficult to afford children, but they are mostly choices we don't have to make.

breadbreadbread 4y ago
Housing: I wouldnt say that large families in tiny houses was ever desirable or good. You might want to check other factors in your sample of parents/grandparents such as class, housing market, family culture, etc. From the people Ive talked to, my peers' parents' generation had a better QOL in their home and fewer people in the home than either today or in the preceding generation. But again, thats anecdotal. Daycare: public funding for community resources like daycare/childcare as well as PTO for childcare has atrophied after decades of austere policy. Its not always a choice to not utilize childcare options. I am not religious and I dont have an extended family to rely on, so my options are... privatized childcare because community based options are nonexistant. not to mention the need for dual-income families to keep up with rising cost of living Education: public school funding has atrophied after decades of austere policy. Not to mention ass-backwards funding structures that prioritize high-income neighborhoods over poor neighborhoods. US job markets are also unreasonably obsessed with college credentials, so you have families taking out loans they cant afford to give their child a chance. And hey those loans make homeownership even harder. This idea that it is the individual's choice to make things expensive ignores a host of other systemic factors that remove choices from the board. We COULD make education better and cheaper for everyone. We COULD dedicate resources to help support new families. We COULD make housing more affordable for everyone. We kinda have to stop blaming individuals for things out of their control.
- D13Fd 4y ago
  Children sharing bedrooms does not mean “large families in tiny houses.” But I agree about public funding of education. You’re right that that one probably leads directly to smaller family sizes in some cases, when families can’t afford private school.
moduspol 4y ago
> Daycare: children used to be tended to by family members or religious communities. Now we isolate ourselves from family by moving far away, don't join communities (religious or otherwise), and for whatever reason don't ask mom and dad for help with the kids. Also, the age at which we trust children to stay at home without supervision has risen over time. These are all choices we're making that make children much more expensive. It used to also be fairly common for the mother of the children to be tending to them, until the more recent trend of the mother working and paying someone else to do it. Gets especially expensive when there's more than one child. It was also more common for the mother to be married when having children [1], which helps allow for that. [1] https://www.childtrends.org/publications/dramatic-increase-in-percentage-of-births-outside-marriage-among-whites-hispanics-and-women-with-higher-education-levels https://www.childtrends.org/publications/dramatic-increase-i...
scifibestfi 4y ago
I've noticed this as well. I would add to this that a lot of people who say they can't afford kids mean they can't afford to have kids and maintain their current lifestyle. Which is true. Having kids means sacrificing your time and money.

breadbreadbread 4y ago

Housing: I wouldnt say that large families in tiny houses was ever desirable or good. You might want to check other factors in your sample of parents/grandparents such as class, housing market, family culture, etc. From the people Ive talked to, my peers' parents' generation had a better QOL in their home and fewer people in the home than either today or in the preceding generation. But again, thats anecdotal. Daycare: public funding for community resources like daycare/childcare as well as PTO for childcare has atrophied after decades of austere policy. Its not always a choice to not utilize childcare options. I am not religious and I dont have an extended family to rely on, so my options are... privatized childcare because community based options are nonexistant. not to mention the need for dual-income families to keep up with rising cost of living Education: public school funding has atrophied after decades of austere policy. Not to mention ass-backwards funding structures that prioritize high-income neighborhoods over poor neighborhoods. US job markets are also unreasonably obsessed with college credentials, so you have families taking out loans they cant afford to give their child a chance. And hey those loans make homeownership even harder. This idea that it is the individual's choice to make things expensive ignores a host of other systemic factors that remove choices from the board. We COULD make education better and cheaper for everyone. We COULD dedicate resources to help support new families. We COULD make housing more affordable for everyone. We kinda have to stop blaming individuals for things out of their control.

D13Fd 4y ago
Children sharing bedrooms does not mean “large families in tiny houses.” But I agree about public funding of education. You’re right that that one probably leads directly to smaller family sizes in some cases, when families can’t afford private school.

moduspol 4y ago

> Daycare: children used to be tended to by family members or religious communities. Now we isolate ourselves from family by moving far away, don't join communities (religious or otherwise), and for whatever reason don't ask mom and dad for help with the kids. Also, the age at which we trust children to stay at home without supervision has risen over time. These are all choices we're making that make children much more expensive. It used to also be fairly common for the mother of the children to be tending to them, until the more recent trend of the mother working and paying someone else to do it. Gets especially expensive when there's more than one child. It was also more common for the mother to be married when having children [1], which helps allow for that. [1] https://www.childtrends.org/publications/dramatic-increase-in-percentage-of-births-outside-marriage-among-whites-hispanics-and-women-with-higher-education-levels https://www.childtrends.org/publications/dramatic-increase-i...

scifibestfi 4y ago

I've noticed this as well. I would add to this that a lot of people who say they can't afford kids mean they can't afford to have kids and maintain their current lifestyle. Which is true. Having kids means sacrificing your time and money.