>But a checklist for defusing tantrums when they happen would be nice I didn't see if you mentioned ages which is likely a big factor. I only have one kid that

>But a checklist for defusing tantrums when they happen would be nice I didn't see if you mentioned ages which is likely a big factor. I only have one kid that's 3.7 but tantrums have been rare for us; probably just different kids and the fact he get's all our attention but here's a couple things we do and mainly it's about preventatively avoiding the triggers to a tantrum situation 1. talk everything out ahead of it happening so it's not a surprise when it happens, remind them repeatedly, and make it positive 2. when I know Mom will be gone and that might be tough, I plan a few things that are different or fun and we only ever do those things during that time so he is actually excited that Mom is leaving (we call it having Dada/[son's name] fun time). I'll talk about these things during #1 and he'll tell Mom about it when she returns 3. just me, but I wouldn't mention ice cream to my kid until afterwards as a reward for the decent behavior (he wouldn't think about the fact he behaved poorly and would just expect ice cream when Mom got home then it would be WW3, I'd have to then stick to my guns because I never cave in to the tantrum) 4. sleep management as discussed, hunger as well 5. we never ignore it. we shut it down and discuss how that behavior is completely unacceptable. we allow the time for him to calm down, have a time out if it went that direction, then we reflect on the event and have a conversation about why [whatever it was] is happening and why their attitude is not acceptable. our kid responds to being talked to like an adult, we just have to break it down and explain the reasoning and he understands it. 6. a majority of our tantrums are due to his sense of something not being fair. Like if we changed our mind on something without fully explaining, or in an undeserving punitive way. So we avoid this. We strive to be fair in our interactions. See the ice cream example in #3 and proactively avoiding a potential moment of perceived inequity. 7. Communicate a lot. Explain your rationale. Don't be a dictator type parent. I think this is common parenting and takes some creativity/patience to never say "because I said so". Best of luck to you!