As the comments point out, the OP is a parody of the essay and subsequent 1999 hit song "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)". As such, it's filled with a mix

As the comments point out, the OP is a parody of the essay and subsequent 1999 hit song "Everybody's Free (To Wear Sunscreen)". As such, it's filled with a mix of "universal" truths, quirky suggestions, and well-meaning advice -- surely intended to be taken only half-seriously. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wear_Sunscreen http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wear_Sunscreen http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/mary-schmich.html http://www.davidpbrown.co.uk/poetry/mary-schmich.html