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This is the bleakest picture of family life I have ever seen. Certainly you have more choices/options if you have more money, right?

adamwong246 4y ago
Not when that excess income goes directly into the kids mouths.
giantg2 4y ago
Maybe. But usually that means you spend more time at work. I have two family members with medical issues, so we hit the out of pocket max in medical bills every year (and possibly more due to some things being coded incorrectly and nobody being able to fix it). Then there's the fact that you need concensus for things. Like can we move to another area? No, wife doesn't want to ever leave the county. Should buy an unaffordable house? No, that's financial suicide. Wife wants another kid, but also complains that I don't do enough (not going into it, but she's way off base). I don't want another kid due to all that I have to do for the current one and her (she needs help with many things). In theory, we could each pretty much decide these things unilaterally. In practice, that's likely to result in divorce even if we have more money.
- fastball 4y ago
  Mostly just sounds like you don't like / get along with your wife, which sucks for you but isn't true for a lot of people.
  - giantg2 4y ago
    The reasoning still stands that two people will not always agree, and that difficult situations (medical) can exist in a relationship and reduce the viable options.
    - fastball 4y ago
      Yes, but you said "life becomes this" not "life could become this", and ignored the fact that this "could" can definitely be made more or less likely through your own actions and the actions of those around you.
      - giantg2 4y ago
        Please, show me where I said/ignored any of this.
        fastball 4y ago
        > Once you get married and have a family, it's basically just grinding away at work, with chores, etc It's basically not, that's just a summary of your experience.
adamdusty 4y ago
It is whatever you perceive it to be. Family life is not like that for everyone, and money is definitely not the only reason.
yieldcrv 4y ago
You have more choices if you have more money. Most of the folly with divorce is still completely avoidable for the breadwinner (if the couple has one). I won't describe it, make enough to get your own set of lawyers and ask for the supporting case law before implementing any strategy. There are things that work equally as well in community property states and equitable distribution states. Having your own assets completely paid for before the marriage is a great first step that most of the population cannot do and cannot relate to, so this influences the collective conscious. But there are also things you can do for assets you paid for in your marriage to keep as your own. Don't apply if you don't have money, and this has nothing to do with a pre-nup which you should also do. The irony, for those about to have a kneejerk reaction about merely considering the financial realities of marriage instead of solely the love partnership part, is that this kind of pre-planning actually allows you to focus on the love part. You don't have to be skeptical or worried about any partner or anecdotes because you have it all figured out.
- giantg2 4y ago
  "The irony, for those about to have a kneejerk reaction about merely considering the financial realities of marriage instead of solely the love partnership part, is that this kind of pre-planning actually allows you to focus on the love part. You don't have to be skeptical or worried about any partner or anecdotes because you have it all figured out." That's my basic opinion. My wife and her family had a fit when I suggested a prenup, even though it mostly followed the general guidelines in law with the removal of alimony. It was crying and "you don't know what you're doing" with not a logical argument in sight. I just wanted a calm, rational conversation. Instead I feel like I was emotionally bullied and manipulated. If only I realized it then.
  - yieldcrv 4y ago
    Yeah, on that topic, I wish alimony was modified more holistically at the state level to avoid this discussion. Proponents say “one person does more unpaid labor to support the breadwinner and the lifestyle they were both beneificiaries of”, but why does seemingly nobody create a market value of that unpaid labor (feel free to correct me if I’m wrong). People act like this unpaid labor is the same value at any amount of money that the lifestyle costs, when that’s not true. “You did the dishes most often according to these angry text messages, and also got to travel to Tuscany in luxury, so here is $800,000 for 10 years and if your ex has any disruption in income then they have to check themselves into jail, if they make more we can modify that amount upwards and assume their income never goes down” I would like alimony capped at the state level in both amount and time based on what the value of supportive household/emotional labor is. Monaco’s alimony law is a decent rubric.
simonswords82 4y ago
Nope, it actually challenges everything you thought you knew about everything. Want to hang out with your friends? Good luck on agreeing on a place to rent that's in budget for all of you if you have £1m+ in the bank. Want to treat your wife? Good luck she is already accustomed to nice meals. It's unlikely you'll surprise her with something special. Kids birthday? Good fucking luck. He's got the latest of everything. And so it goes...
- allset_ 4y ago
  > Want to hang out with your friends? Good luck on agreeing on a place to rent that's in budget for all of you if you have £1m+ in the bank. What? Is the wealthier person in this scenario too much of a snob to stay in cheaper accommodations that everyone can afford, or pay a little more than their "fair share" to help book nicer ones that everyone can enjoy? I would not want to be friends with that person.
- pjerem 4y ago
  Poor rich man. > Want to hang out with your friends? Good luck on agreeing on a place to rent that's in budget for all of you if you have £1m+ in the bank. If i had the luck to have £1m+ in the bank and if I wanted to hang out with my friend, i would happily let them pay what they can afford and pay for the remaining. > Want to treat your wife? Good luck she is already accustomed to nice meals. It's unlikely you'll surprise her with something special. My wife don't need nice meals to be happy, just some time together is enough. > Kids birthday? Good fucking luck. He's got the latest of everything. It's not because you are rich that you have to buy your kids anything they want. You can have positive experience with your kids everyday without buying anything. Sorry if i sound harsh but it's really strange reading this when you DON'T have 1m+ in bank. And I'm not especially poor.

adamwong246 4y ago

Not when that excess income goes directly into the kids mouths.

giantg2 4y ago

Maybe. But usually that means you spend more time at work. I have two family members with medical issues, so we hit the out of pocket max in medical bills every year (and possibly more due to some things being coded incorrectly and nobody being able to fix it). Then there's the fact that you need concensus for things. Like can we move to another area? No, wife doesn't want to ever leave the county. Should buy an unaffordable house? No, that's financial suicide. Wife wants another kid, but also complains that I don't do enough (not going into it, but she's way off base). I don't want another kid due to all that I have to do for the current one and her (she needs help with many things). In theory, we could each pretty much decide these things unilaterally. In practice, that's likely to result in divorce even if we have more money.

fastball 4y ago
Mostly just sounds like you don't like / get along with your wife, which sucks for you but isn't true for a lot of people.
- giantg2 4y ago
  The reasoning still stands that two people will not always agree, and that difficult situations (medical) can exist in a relationship and reduce the viable options.
  - fastball 4y ago
    Yes, but you said "life becomes this" not "life could become this", and ignored the fact that this "could" can definitely be made more or less likely through your own actions and the actions of those around you.
    - giantg2 4y ago
      Please, show me where I said/ignored any of this.
      - fastball 4y ago
        > Once you get married and have a family, it's basically just grinding away at work, with chores, etc It's basically not, that's just a summary of your experience.

adamdusty 4y ago

It is whatever you perceive it to be. Family life is not like that for everyone, and money is definitely not the only reason.

yieldcrv 4y ago

You have more choices if you have more money. Most of the folly with divorce is still completely avoidable for the breadwinner (if the couple has one). I won't describe it, make enough to get your own set of lawyers and ask for the supporting case law before implementing any strategy. There are things that work equally as well in community property states and equitable distribution states. Having your own assets completely paid for before the marriage is a great first step that most of the population cannot do and cannot relate to, so this influences the collective conscious. But there are also things you can do for assets you paid for in your marriage to keep as your own. Don't apply if you don't have money, and this has nothing to do with a pre-nup which you should also do. The irony, for those about to have a kneejerk reaction about merely considering the financial realities of marriage instead of solely the love partnership part, is that this kind of pre-planning actually allows you to focus on the love part. You don't have to be skeptical or worried about any partner or anecdotes because you have it all figured out.

giantg2 4y ago
"The irony, for those about to have a kneejerk reaction about merely considering the financial realities of marriage instead of solely the love partnership part, is that this kind of pre-planning actually allows you to focus on the love part. You don't have to be skeptical or worried about any partner or anecdotes because you have it all figured out." That's my basic opinion. My wife and her family had a fit when I suggested a prenup, even though it mostly followed the general guidelines in law with the removal of alimony. It was crying and "you don't know what you're doing" with not a logical argument in sight. I just wanted a calm, rational conversation. Instead I feel like I was emotionally bullied and manipulated. If only I realized it then.
- yieldcrv 4y ago
  Yeah, on that topic, I wish alimony was modified more holistically at the state level to avoid this discussion. Proponents say “one person does more unpaid labor to support the breadwinner and the lifestyle they were both beneificiaries of”, but why does seemingly nobody create a market value of that unpaid labor (feel free to correct me if I’m wrong). People act like this unpaid labor is the same value at any amount of money that the lifestyle costs, when that’s not true. “You did the dishes most often according to these angry text messages, and also got to travel to Tuscany in luxury, so here is $800,000 for 10 years and if your ex has any disruption in income then they have to check themselves into jail, if they make more we can modify that amount upwards and assume their income never goes down” I would like alimony capped at the state level in both amount and time based on what the value of supportive household/emotional labor is. Monaco’s alimony law is a decent rubric.

simonswords82 4y ago

Nope, it actually challenges everything you thought you knew about everything. Want to hang out with your friends? Good luck on agreeing on a place to rent that's in budget for all of you if you have £1m+ in the bank. Want to treat your wife? Good luck she is already accustomed to nice meals. It's unlikely you'll surprise her with something special. Kids birthday? Good fucking luck. He's got the latest of everything. And so it goes...

allset_ 4y ago
> Want to hang out with your friends? Good luck on agreeing on a place to rent that's in budget for all of you if you have £1m+ in the bank. What? Is the wealthier person in this scenario too much of a snob to stay in cheaper accommodations that everyone can afford, or pay a little more than their "fair share" to help book nicer ones that everyone can enjoy? I would not want to be friends with that person.
pjerem 4y ago
Poor rich man. > Want to hang out with your friends? Good luck on agreeing on a place to rent that's in budget for all of you if you have £1m+ in the bank. If i had the luck to have £1m+ in the bank and if I wanted to hang out with my friend, i would happily let them pay what they can afford and pay for the remaining. > Want to treat your wife? Good luck she is already accustomed to nice meals. It's unlikely you'll surprise her with something special. My wife don't need nice meals to be happy, just some time together is enough. > Kids birthday? Good fucking luck. He's got the latest of everything. It's not because you are rich that you have to buy your kids anything they want. You can have positive experience with your kids everyday without buying anything. Sorry if i sound harsh but it's really strange reading this when you DON'T have 1m+ in bank. And I'm not especially poor.