4 ms·

Get of these apps. I think many men who use apps, do so because they are too afraid to approach a woman they find attractive if the situation is appropriate.

Get of these apps. I think many men who use apps, do so because they are too afraid to approach a woman they find attractive if the situation is appropriate. They don't bite, if you make a move with enough respect and confidence. In my opinion while convenient, they should be last resort.

orangepurple 4y ago
They are only worth using as a man if you are ranked in the top 10% of superficial appearances. Those guys are going on dates with different women daily with these apps. If you don't believe me look up any YouTube video going undercover on Tinder masquerading as an attractive man. The thing is Tinder has 75 million active users. If we assume 75% of these active users are men, and only the top 10% of men will reliably match, approximately 51 million men are gambling their time away (75×.75×0.9=50.625)
- webinvest 4y ago
  Even if the dating pool consists of only the top 10%, women are still only going to swipe right on the top 5% of that.
  - orangepurple 4y ago
    I'm not sure that this is a correct statistical interpretation
- jjj123 4y ago
  While I don’t disagree that it’s probably hard for your average straight guy to get a date on Tinder, I encourage you to stop thinking about attractiveness as something objective that everyone agrees on. There’s no such thing as a 1-10 scale everyone falls on. We all have types, and sometimes those types run counter to the mainstream definition of “attractive”. The trick is to figure out what type you are, and try to become the best version of that.
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
  - webinvest 4y ago
    You could make a startup or business from this
- derbOac 4y ago
  There were some really interesting analyses presented by a dating app several years ago (I don't remember which; they had a blog and I'm worried it's now buried outside of Google's apparent time window). One of the most interesting things was that there was a mismatch between men and women in interest versus openness and confidence. I don't remember the details, but I think the problem was something like women were more interested in a wider range than you'd think, because they were more afraid to approach/make contact with men they were attracted to, and men were more picky about attractiveness but also more assertive about contacting women. The net result of it all was that there were these attractiveness ranges that were being neglected not because of attractiveness per se but because of complicated dynamics in confidence of approaching at different levels and how different genders on average acted on perceived attractiveness. The analyses were like gender x attractiveness x willingness to approach x receptiveness to being approached. It looked like all four variables interacted at some level. Maybe it wouldn't generalize and maybe I'm remembering it incorrectly but it was something like that.
  - webinvest 4y ago
    Maybe okcupid’s blogs by Christian Rudder? Probably only available on Archive.org
    - derbOac 4y ago
      I think that might have been it; it's the sort of thing that would be posted there, but I can't find what I'm thinking of in the places I've looked.
xwdv 4y ago
I am willing to approach a woman I find attractive if the situation is appropriate. Unfortunately, most situations you come across attractive women are rarely appropriate. You end up having to go to events and things you don’t normally do just to gain exposure to women. It is a miserable reason to participate in these things when your only interest is in the women, not the event or hobby. And often the things you really want to do are of little interest to attractive women.
- shadowgovt 4y ago
  Back in the day, we used to call participating in new things you might not enjoy on the off chance that you would either learn something or meet somebody interesting "living." I'm not sure when that changed, but the comments in the thread don't suggest to me it changed for the better.
- jbverschoor 4y ago
  Or you’re just finding an excuse not to approach.. very few situations are inappropriate. “Willing” even sounds that you don’t even really want to.
- ptero 4y ago
  > You end up having to go to events and things you don’t normally do just to gain exposure to women. That's how it was for a long time. And, IMHO, it was not a bad setup. I certainly would not call it a miserable reason to participate in those events. For example as a youth I went to dances (which, not knowing how to dance felt very uncomfortable), "intellectual" movies and classical concerts (which, for a small-city oaf who only thought about science, were way out of depth), but looking back I think I got a very good return on the time I spent on those.
  - xwdv 4y ago
    Maybe it’s good if you’re just looking to rail some ass but what if you do find someone you like but now they will only be with you if you keep doing those things you don’t care about? Are you supposed to just live your whole life that way. No way. Not sustainable.
huijzer 4y ago
> Get of these apps. I think many men who use apps, do so because they are too afraid to approach a woman they find attractive if the situation is appropriate. Yes. I couldn't agree more. Spent 2-3 frustrating years on Tinder without much success. At the start of the pandemic, I was done with being alone in my apartment and decided to try to approach women on the street. My takeaways: 1. Heart rate goes over 130 (according to the Garmin smartwatch) 2. It's **much** more fun to be rejected. Instead of being ignored, you get cool stories like me asking "Hey, you look nice. Would you like to chat?" and getting as response "Uhm... No, I'll continue walking". 3. Get inspiration/courage from watching lots and lots of YouTube videos from people who do nice approaches. I personally liked ThatWasEpic a lot. See for example https://youtu.be/cj9tvIFcUeU https://youtu.be/cj9tvIFcUeU. 4. It's much more effective in my case. I'm with my girlfriend for 2 years now and she was the 6th person that I approached... I'm not kidding. After years of Tinder. So, delete dating apps and go out and talk to people.
- cholantesh 4y ago
  >go out and talk to people This thesis is sound. >Get inspiration/courage from watching lots and lots of YouTube videos from people who do nice approaches. I personally liked ThatWasEpic a lot. See for example https://youtu.be/cj9tvIFcUeU https://youtu.be/cj9tvIFcUeU. This is just weird, though.
  - deleted 4y ago
    [deleted]
- haunter 4y ago
  >decided to try to approach women on the street Yeah no. Creepiest advice in the whole thread. idk where you live but this is the easiest way to get cop called on.
  - orangepurple 4y ago
    And if the cops show up then what? I couldn't get them to show up for a blatant hit and run in Texas or assault in Washington D.C. If you are lucky enough for a cop to show up do you think a man will stick around waiting for them to show up? Do you think cops will pursue in these instances? Have you ever called the police? Do you know what the response time is for the type of report you are filing? Even in the most wealthy countries in the world the police won't take you seriously if you tell them "this man is talking to me, creeping me out, and scaring me"
_fat_santa 4y ago
I've been using Hinge for the past year and half with a good bit of success, I can regularly go on 1-3 dates per week and have managed to keep that consistency pretty much all year. IMO success comes down to 3 key things: profile, conversation and managing expectations. First your profile, take high quality photos and weave in a story about your life in there. Guys think that it's the shirtless 6 pack that will get dates and while that's true, what I found is you have to build an "attractive lifestyle" through your profile. All my photos are of me doing things, on boats, outside, etc and all my prompts are things like "We should go kayaking together" and stories about travel. It's not one thing on my profile, it's the entire thing that builds a persona of a person that likes going outside alot and traveling, women find that very attractive in my experience. Second is the conversation. You have to get good at actually "closing" a girl on a first date. There's a ton of "science" that guys will spew but it comes down to practice. The first couple of girls you talk to you will probably fuck it up, keep going and you will get better. My strategy here is to talk "lifestyle", where are you traveling, what shows have you seen, and NEVER EVER EVER BRING UP SEX. Finally it's managing expectations. Most of these girls "fall through" not at the matching/conversation stage, but after the first couple of dates. Most of the time it's not something either person did, rather us realizing that we are just not right for each other. At this stage it's very easy to get bitter, the key is to keep going and not get bitter, and understand that if you're going to be playing the "online dating game", you're going to get a shit load of rejections. At this point I do not even consider the "1st date" to be a real "1st date", rather I consider it to be a magic "0 date" that only applies to online dating. Usually on a first day you've already had one interaction with that person to figure out that they are worth going out with; however, with online dating you don't have that. So I consider the first time we meet to be more of a screener date, don't expect to go home with the girl, don't even expect a kiss, just make sure you like them and think if you would like to see them again. For these dates I usually go to a coffee shop mid-day, if it goes well we can schedule a longer dinner/activity date, but if it goes off the rails you can cordially end the date in about 15 minutes.
- scarmig 4y ago
  > I can regularly go on 1-3 dates per week and have managed to keep that consistency pretty much all year. The difficulty for most men is getting those 1-3 dates per week, not the follow-through. As much as you might want to attribute your success to your charm and conversation, even getting a match per week, let alone enough to turn into 1-3 dates, is the barrier. And anyone who's getting 1-3 dates per week is likely going to be able to find a relationship if they're looking for one after a couple months. Quality of pictures and persona certainly plays a role, but there are immutable traits that apps prioritize that radically reduce the amount of inbound interest. Getting off the apps as suggested in the parent comment is the only real way to deal with that.

orangepurple 4y ago

They are only worth using as a man if you are ranked in the top 10% of superficial appearances. Those guys are going on dates with different women daily with these apps. If you don't believe me look up any YouTube video going undercover on Tinder masquerading as an attractive man. The thing is Tinder has 75 million active users. If we assume 75% of these active users are men, and only the top 10% of men will reliably match, approximately 51 million men are gambling their time away (75×.75×0.9=50.625)

webinvest 4y ago
Even if the dating pool consists of only the top 10%, women are still only going to swipe right on the top 5% of that.
- orangepurple 4y ago
  I'm not sure that this is a correct statistical interpretation
jjj123 4y ago
While I don’t disagree that it’s probably hard for your average straight guy to get a date on Tinder, I encourage you to stop thinking about attractiveness as something objective that everyone agrees on. There’s no such thing as a 1-10 scale everyone falls on. We all have types, and sometimes those types run counter to the mainstream definition of “attractive”. The trick is to figure out what type you are, and try to become the best version of that.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
- webinvest 4y ago
  You could make a startup or business from this
derbOac 4y ago
There were some really interesting analyses presented by a dating app several years ago (I don't remember which; they had a blog and I'm worried it's now buried outside of Google's apparent time window). One of the most interesting things was that there was a mismatch between men and women in interest versus openness and confidence. I don't remember the details, but I think the problem was something like women were more interested in a wider range than you'd think, because they were more afraid to approach/make contact with men they were attracted to, and men were more picky about attractiveness but also more assertive about contacting women. The net result of it all was that there were these attractiveness ranges that were being neglected not because of attractiveness per se but because of complicated dynamics in confidence of approaching at different levels and how different genders on average acted on perceived attractiveness. The analyses were like gender x attractiveness x willingness to approach x receptiveness to being approached. It looked like all four variables interacted at some level. Maybe it wouldn't generalize and maybe I'm remembering it incorrectly but it was something like that.
- webinvest 4y ago
  Maybe okcupid’s blogs by Christian Rudder? Probably only available on Archive.org
  - derbOac 4y ago
    I think that might have been it; it's the sort of thing that would be posted there, but I can't find what I'm thinking of in the places I've looked.

xwdv 4y ago

I am willing to approach a woman I find attractive if the situation is appropriate. Unfortunately, most situations you come across attractive women are rarely appropriate. You end up having to go to events and things you don’t normally do just to gain exposure to women. It is a miserable reason to participate in these things when your only interest is in the women, not the event or hobby. And often the things you really want to do are of little interest to attractive women.

shadowgovt 4y ago
Back in the day, we used to call participating in new things you might not enjoy on the off chance that you would either learn something or meet somebody interesting "living." I'm not sure when that changed, but the comments in the thread don't suggest to me it changed for the better.
jbverschoor 4y ago
Or you’re just finding an excuse not to approach.. very few situations are inappropriate. “Willing” even sounds that you don’t even really want to.
ptero 4y ago
> You end up having to go to events and things you don’t normally do just to gain exposure to women. That's how it was for a long time. And, IMHO, it was not a bad setup. I certainly would not call it a miserable reason to participate in those events. For example as a youth I went to dances (which, not knowing how to dance felt very uncomfortable), "intellectual" movies and classical concerts (which, for a small-city oaf who only thought about science, were way out of depth), but looking back I think I got a very good return on the time I spent on those.
- xwdv 4y ago
  Maybe it’s good if you’re just looking to rail some ass but what if you do find someone you like but now they will only be with you if you keep doing those things you don’t care about? Are you supposed to just live your whole life that way. No way. Not sustainable.

huijzer 4y ago

> Get of these apps. I think many men who use apps, do so because they are too afraid to approach a woman they find attractive if the situation is appropriate. Yes. I couldn't agree more. Spent 2-3 frustrating years on Tinder without much success. At the start of the pandemic, I was done with being alone in my apartment and decided to try to approach women on the street. My takeaways: 1. Heart rate goes over 130 (according to the Garmin smartwatch) 2. It's **much** more fun to be rejected. Instead of being ignored, you get cool stories like me asking "Hey, you look nice. Would you like to chat?" and getting as response "Uhm... No, I'll continue walking". 3. Get inspiration/courage from watching lots and lots of YouTube videos from people who do nice approaches. I personally liked ThatWasEpic a lot. See for example https://youtu.be/cj9tvIFcUeU https://youtu.be/cj9tvIFcUeU. 4. It's much more effective in my case. I'm with my girlfriend for 2 years now and she was the 6th person that I approached... I'm not kidding. After years of Tinder. So, delete dating apps and go out and talk to people.

cholantesh 4y ago
>go out and talk to people This thesis is sound. >Get inspiration/courage from watching lots and lots of YouTube videos from people who do nice approaches. I personally liked ThatWasEpic a lot. See for example https://youtu.be/cj9tvIFcUeU https://youtu.be/cj9tvIFcUeU. This is just weird, though.
- deleted 4y ago
  [deleted]
haunter 4y ago
>decided to try to approach women on the street Yeah no. Creepiest advice in the whole thread. idk where you live but this is the easiest way to get cop called on.
- orangepurple 4y ago
  And if the cops show up then what? I couldn't get them to show up for a blatant hit and run in Texas or assault in Washington D.C. If you are lucky enough for a cop to show up do you think a man will stick around waiting for them to show up? Do you think cops will pursue in these instances? Have you ever called the police? Do you know what the response time is for the type of report you are filing? Even in the most wealthy countries in the world the police won't take you seriously if you tell them "this man is talking to me, creeping me out, and scaring me"

_fat_santa 4y ago

I've been using Hinge for the past year and half with a good bit of success, I can regularly go on 1-3 dates per week and have managed to keep that consistency pretty much all year. IMO success comes down to 3 key things: profile, conversation and managing expectations. First your profile, take high quality photos and weave in a story about your life in there. Guys think that it's the shirtless 6 pack that will get dates and while that's true, what I found is you have to build an "attractive lifestyle" through your profile. All my photos are of me doing things, on boats, outside, etc and all my prompts are things like "We should go kayaking together" and stories about travel. It's not one thing on my profile, it's the entire thing that builds a persona of a person that likes going outside alot and traveling, women find that very attractive in my experience. Second is the conversation. You have to get good at actually "closing" a girl on a first date. There's a ton of "science" that guys will spew but it comes down to practice. The first couple of girls you talk to you will probably fuck it up, keep going and you will get better. My strategy here is to talk "lifestyle", where are you traveling, what shows have you seen, and NEVER EVER EVER BRING UP SEX. Finally it's managing expectations. Most of these girls "fall through" not at the matching/conversation stage, but after the first couple of dates. Most of the time it's not something either person did, rather us realizing that we are just not right for each other. At this stage it's very easy to get bitter, the key is to keep going and not get bitter, and understand that if you're going to be playing the "online dating game", you're going to get a shit load of rejections. At this point I do not even consider the "1st date" to be a real "1st date", rather I consider it to be a magic "0 date" that only applies to online dating. Usually on a first day you've already had one interaction with that person to figure out that they are worth going out with; however, with online dating you don't have that. So I consider the first time we meet to be more of a screener date, don't expect to go home with the girl, don't even expect a kiss, just make sure you like them and think if you would like to see them again. For these dates I usually go to a coffee shop mid-day, if it goes well we can schedule a longer dinner/activity date, but if it goes off the rails you can cordially end the date in about 15 minutes.

scarmig 4y ago
> I can regularly go on 1-3 dates per week and have managed to keep that consistency pretty much all year. The difficulty for most men is getting those 1-3 dates per week, not the follow-through. As much as you might want to attribute your success to your charm and conversation, even getting a match per week, let alone enough to turn into 1-3 dates, is the barrier. And anyone who's getting 1-3 dates per week is likely going to be able to find a relationship if they're looking for one after a couple months. Quality of pictures and persona certainly plays a role, but there are immutable traits that apps prioritize that radically reduce the amount of inbound interest. Getting off the apps as suggested in the parent comment is the only real way to deal with that.