Sounds like you're doing well professionally. But that your professional success and growth (again, which are great things) are part of a cover-up mechanism for

Sounds like you're doing well professionally. But that your professional success and growth (again, which are great things) are part of a cover-up mechanism for underlying fear (which is valid and relatable). Even your vacations, restaurants, new hobbies, those all sound like they're in the bucket of "external things" (alongside your professional success) to try to stave off the existential anxiety about the crumbling world all around us. Like others are suggesting, I'd consider spending time finding a counselor who is a good fit for you (may need to do some shopping around), or read up on books about anxiety, how to let go of things outside of your sphere of influence and control, and etc. Those are more "inner" stuff (vs the "external" things, such as work, hobbies, vacay, food, people, etc.). Inner stuff is huge, because it basically impacts every single relationship we have, with anyone, anywhere, no matter the degree of closeness or not. Some folks will settle for managing the symptoms of anxiety, but others try to go after the roots of the causes and see if they can even replace the roots with entire new paradigms. Either way, it's kind of a long-haul commitment, a lifestyle, if you will. Just some food for thought to consider. Glad you're doing well with your work. Hope you can find that inner equilibrium no matter what's happening around us (because we're learning to manage what is within us, so to speak).