Design your letter in the most aseptic and unfunny way possible. Extra points if is in a foreign language to show that you are cool people. The problem to solv

Design your letter in the most aseptic and unfunny way possible. Extra points if is in a foreign language to show that you are cool people. The problem to solve is less important than all this marvelous crispy sounds when is spelled Use a lot of trendy terms and fancy words. Your project to improve the texture of the mayonaise must sound like Bruce Willis in Armageddon. The more confusing, holistic and superfood, the better. Stress that you want really motivated candidates. The job is boring as hell so they need to came yet motivated from home. They will not grow professionally here. Assure that the job is available only in a narrow interval of time. Much better if is in the time when everybody is posting job offers and competing for your attention. Biology shows us that fishes in a school are safer from being noticed individually. Reject people that stopped for three years working on science. They could need to spend an entire afternoon to read and understand everything that happened in their field in the last three years. Yup, the whole nine articles. You don't want to use their previous decades of experience and university classes. For a better measure go to the corridor and run screaming "a gap!, a curriculum gap!" in terror Use deadlines in your profit. Assure to email your job offer two or three days after the closing time has expired. Don't be concise, your candidates love to spend ten minutes reading about vanity issues, the history of your building and why the bricks are violet. Ask they to write an essay about how your project was their dream since school. Put the salary hidden in a link. Better if this leads to twenty pages of bureaucracy before. Use several categories for your job offer to reduce the probability of a match. Use fancy names like "Ramon y Cajal" position or "Juan de la Cierva" offer to made it seem more relevant. Then put your job only in one of them. Example: We look for a biochemist for a Sara Borrel thing, requisites: having less than 30 years, visited the Tibet in the last year and be a natural blonde more than 6 feet tall. Their field of research does not matter. "Oh, you studied exactly the same thing but you look more like a `Juan de la Cierva' to me. Maybe the next year". Your job application must be a turning point in their life. Assure to ask the lab rats to spend all the day filling a job application so complex that would made Kafka proud. A real example: Looking for somebody to work in city X. Requisites. Can't live currently in city X (that would be so easy, and yes, is a real example from a real job offer). Assure that your selection process to hire scientists has a 70% of questions related with laws, 10% about ideology, and the rest about the real work to do.