yeag. i feel you i dont feel like calling this personal failure though. (ya i know, it is what it is but i dont like that term: it's not my personal fault my b

yeag. i feel you i dont feel like calling this personal failure though. (ya i know, it is what it is but i dont like that term: it's not my personal fault my brain works the way it does) feels more like "weather". like a system of moodclumps that fight for their turn to blend my view of the world with their specific "flavour"... (think "inside out" but them little mood-guys hate each other and joy is probably lost somewhere in the depths of the memory library getting railed or something...) i might get up early tomorrow and get stuff done on personal projects before heading to work, but a week later tops, i wont be able to get out of bed that soon and almost miss work at 7am. and in the evening im mentally to pooped to do anything but game or watch something to pass the time until i pass out in bed again... and most probably far to late like 2am, so getting up at 4am to get stuff done prior to the toil becomes a nonoption... i guess i could force myself to go to bed early, but my partner consistently stays up longer than me and i miss going to bed together and cuddle... maybe im jealous of her having consistently such a good time with friends online and that might be what drains me... but on the other hand, im not that interested in goofing around with strangers on the internet: most of the time people dont get it and it gets awkward, so i'd rather doomscroll twitter than actually try to talk to people and get told im an idiot or whatever. i know i am. all humans are idiots at varied degrees, and i am one too so.... shitpost with me or fuck off pretty pls i used to have a couple of close friends that were also interested in the things i was intrigued by and helped me maintain my drive and focus (though back then i was lacking a vision). but life is what it is and some friends go missing, others die and a third group simply starts to avoid you because you told them you are bisexual. so, yeah. oh yeah, a little PSA for all the (mild) homophobes out there: just because someone tells you they are bi or gay, does not necessarily mean they want to fuck you (or get fucked by you). they most likely just wanted to tell you to make things less awkward in case they feel the need to talk about a potential partner.