This writer's much more recent post is better: https://aella.substack.com/p/the-polyamory-post?s=r https://aella.substack.com/p/the-polyamory-post?s=r I think

This writer's much more recent post is better: https://aella.substack.com/p/the-polyamory-post?s=r https://aella.substack.com/p/the-polyamory-post?s=r I think she explains herself more thoroughly and isn't nearly as provocative about it, though still makes the same basic error in equating possessiveness with insecurity. Someone may be quite confident but still not like sharing. I think that's a basic impetus behind a whole lot of type A personalities and elite competitors that I don't believe you can rightfully call insecure. Her definition is unorthodox to say the least, by the way: > (edit: i should clarify that my definition of monogamy is “when you place a restriction or expectation on your partner’s engagement in sexual activity.” In a situation where two people are totally okay with their partner fucking/loving other people, but just happen not to due to lack of desire or interest in other people, I consider this just passive polyamory.) I guess I fall into this category of having a "formally open" marriage because I don't believe it is realistic to expect that in 60 years together neither my wife nor I should ever encounter some opportunity to have safe, harmless sex with some other person, but at the same time, we're both homebodies who are not socially motivated and absolutely do not want to date or go looking for someone. Calling us "polyamorous" on that basis stretches common usage. Every poly-identifying person I have ever known that talked about it seemed quite opposite, intensely social people who needed to constantly be around others and more or less craved nonstop affection and physical validation. If I was being less charitable, that could be framed as another form of insecurity. There are quite obvious and real distinctions in what we're trying to get out of life. I just want one person so I can have a family and not be totally alone as I gradually get closer to death, but I have no absolute ideal of lifetime sexual exclusivity I intend to hold myself or my life partner to. Aella is a prostitute who has had a continually open application process where anyone on the Internet can apply to date her. Those are very different life goals and I don't think it is useful for her to categorize us together. If the beef is with people who force their non-willing partners into monogamy out of jealously, fine, say that, but don't say that is the single defining trait of all monogamy and thus your beef is with monogamy itself. Come on.