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"And so how can we blame anybody for avoiding “fixing themselves,” even if it goes wrong?" Choosing polyamory is not "fixing oneself." There is no benefit to i

"And so how can we blame anybody for avoiding “fixing themselves,” even if it goes wrong?" Choosing polyamory is not "fixing oneself." There is no benefit to it, unless the only thing you get out of sex is physical pleasure.

swatcoder 4y ago
This is precisely as reductionist as the author’s claim about monogamy. There are a thousand reasons that someone may be drawn to either lifestyle, a thousand more reasons why someone might find themselves shifting between them, and still a thousand more reasons why someone might be situationalist and not identify with any prevailing lifestyle for themselves at all. Depthful discussions about different ways of living can be interesting and enlightening, but making reductionist claims about the “other” doesn’t deliver on that.
- titanomachy 4y ago
  I think more reductive, even: the author at least has probably tried monogamy before writing about it, and acknowledges that it could be an optimal strategy for many people. I wonder if people are just wired differently, and it's like trying to convince a straight man that he should actually be attracted to other men. Would explain why this topic has generated basically zero interesting discussion, which is unusual for this website.
  - frickinLasers 4y ago
    What about what I wrote indicated I haven't tried it? I think you might be on to something. Maybe I'm an odd duck, but I can't possibly divide my romantic attention between multiple individuals without negatively affecting the quality of the relationship/s. I suspect anyone who claims to be able to doesn't experience love the same way.
    - titanomachy 4y ago
      Sorry for the assumption. You're right though, different people probably do have a very different experience of love. Some people say they do not experience romantic love at all, some people can't imagine romantically loving more than one person, others are sure that they're fully in love with multiple people at once. It's impossible for me to say conclusively that someone is wrong when they're talking about their own experience of feelings.

swatcoder 4y ago

This is precisely as reductionist as the author’s claim about monogamy. There are a thousand reasons that someone may be drawn to either lifestyle, a thousand more reasons why someone might find themselves shifting between them, and still a thousand more reasons why someone might be situationalist and not identify with any prevailing lifestyle for themselves at all. Depthful discussions about different ways of living can be interesting and enlightening, but making reductionist claims about the “other” doesn’t deliver on that.

titanomachy 4y ago
I think more reductive, even: the author at least has probably tried monogamy before writing about it, and acknowledges that it could be an optimal strategy for many people. I wonder if people are just wired differently, and it's like trying to convince a straight man that he should actually be attracted to other men. Would explain why this topic has generated basically zero interesting discussion, which is unusual for this website.
- frickinLasers 4y ago
  What about what I wrote indicated I haven't tried it? I think you might be on to something. Maybe I'm an odd duck, but I can't possibly divide my romantic attention between multiple individuals without negatively affecting the quality of the relationship/s. I suspect anyone who claims to be able to doesn't experience love the same way.
  - titanomachy 4y ago
    Sorry for the assumption. You're right though, different people probably do have a very different experience of love. Some people say they do not experience romantic love at all, some people can't imagine romantically loving more than one person, others are sure that they're fully in love with multiple people at once. It's impossible for me to say conclusively that someone is wrong when they're talking about their own experience of feelings.